I used to run a community group and we invited him to speak. He forgot his keys and phone at the venue, and his aide had to cycle to my house at like 9pm to retrieve them.

To the adult man driving an RC car in the parking lot I'm in, kindly fuck off.

Going to Target to help my kids buy a "Happy Fathers Day, Dad, why haven't we been allowed to come to your house in a year?" card.

All the flavors of babybel cheese are exactly the same, right? And we just buy them to turn the wax into fire starters?

My neighbors are having a middle-school graduation party, which requires a stadium-grade PA, apparently.

So much of motherhood is a constant math; how the water glasses are positioned relative to the laptop, how many napkins times how dirty the fingers, how many bites before they take my food, etc.

If you've ever experienced infidelity, the weight of a movie called "disclosure day" cannot be underestimated.

I'm just a girl, running through a prairie, asking red winged blackbirds not to hurt her.

Congratulations to me for not accidentally brushing my teeth with vaginal estrogen cream.

My Summer House people, what the eff was Amanda thinking, answering "was it worth it? with "I wish I could have both"?

In the past couple of years, I seem to have developed an extreme reaction to mosquito bites. Is anybody else experiencing this, and what solutions have you found either for the itching or to keep them at bay?

I just saw a chipmunk eating fallen mulberries ... in the city. I never see chipmunks in the city!

Graham Platner is texting me asking for $1. Can he just, like, not go do that on Tinder or something?

You ever wake up and your teeth just effing ache because that's what you're walking around with?

For my Bravo people: Amanda would never have "monetized" Lindsay and Carl's breakup because nobody asked her. #summerhouse

I regret to inform my neighborhood that apparently it is fireworks season again.

Single, I hope.

Where's the Tiger Beat for middle aged ladies?

Maybe I'm extremely jaded, but at this point I'm convinced all men do this.

Have never cried more at a show than tonight at Rilo Kiley, singing With Arms Outstretched with a room of strangers.

I just saw an Instagram post of Billy Joel celebrating the fact that he now has a middle-school child. Good for her! He is 77.

Spent about 20 minutes reviewing complaints against professional counselors, and oh my, a lot of therapists have sex with their patients.

The best part of Ciara's "snake in the grass" line was KJ quietly saying, "Bars" under his breath like "Amen."

Fireworks not gunshots, almost always.

Looks like the cottonwoods near me are having some kind of mast year deal.

Embarrassment of the day: lecturing pigeons bathing in a street puddle that they "deserved better" and the entire crew of older ladies at the adjacent bus stop laughed at/with me.

My HS is conducting a survey about the CTA. Help? Please fill out this survey about your experience riding the train and what you want to see implemented. Together, we can work to make a safer train system, and a safer Chicago. forms.gle/wJuE5WHoDzzS...

I used to get really nervous about pissing off the neighbors when my hands would sing briefly after lay an egg. And then somebody moved in with three Huskies.

Kickin' off memorial Day weekend with back-to-back mammograms!

First mosquito bite of the season

This story is kind of weird. U. of C. faculty and parents protest Lab School policy they say limits classroom discussion, inclusion - Chicago Sun-Times share.google/OxvyRySxhtO0...

Who remembers that pet shop on Ashland called "Let's Pet Puppies!"?

Why is Graham Platner sending me really thirsty texts like he's some guy that I ghosted on Tinder?

I am fully in my no effs era. Yesterday a man told me that I should probably move down a few chairs if I didn't want to be bothered while reading my book. I just stared at him until he realized that he had no business telling me what to do. I wasn't rude, but I didn't try to make it nice for him.

This morning, XRT is playing songs from 1995 (which was 31 years ago) if you want to feel old as hell.

Sugaring: would recommend

Just heard from one of my neighbors that she had to abandon her car south of Lawrence and walk back into the neighborhood because of the closures.

Picked up my kid from a show at Salt Shed, and wow are the 2000s back.

Billion dollar ballroom or ... literally anything else.

Just saw a stupid Cybertruck with "EMERGENCY PLUMBER" on the side. Which makes sense, because that's a guy who knows how to flush cash down the toilet.

Kid went to a May Day protest and is raving about workers, and I'm like, "I woke you up and took the lid off your yogurt this morning."

Time for a high school admissions test tutor again. Any recs?

It's warm, though. Put out your dusty-ass plants.

Literally every cop on the norrth side is going somewhere east of Albany Park.

You guys know there was a SpongeBob Squarepants Broadway musical? And the songs are all by famous musicians? And it's very good?

Can't stop thinking about Strangers by Belle Burden. I passed it along to a friend who wondered how she managed to have my exact same story, although I lacked the trust fund.

I hope Blue Sky took the time to eat fried stuff and catch up on Scamanda and start admitting openly they watch Bravo. Because I know you do, and the silence is making me miss Twitter.

Sure, the president wants to use every cent we have for the military, but my Jewel app is offering me a free pack of Necco wafers, the world's worst candy, so it's not all bad.

The only possible take on this.

I'm really excited that Trump is attending the Supreme Court hearing because I bet he's bored as hell.