The Total Synthesis of (+)-stupidity and the Consequences Thereof PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Stupidity....

Volume 5 is here everyone! The PDF will be online soon, but the hardcopies are on the Etsy store for everyone who wants one. It’s 96 pages of high-impact, high-novelty, beer-reviewed bullshit, and 70% of the articles were written by you.

Fronds with benefits: how the 5G network gives plants wood. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/frondsw...

This week’s paper investigates a new family structure in response to declining birth rates, with IPA as a defining feature. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/ipa

On the merits of pickling cucumbers with titanium tetrachloride. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Pickles.pdf

“anti-YAPPERS”: A Novel Conversational Framework for Detecting Nonsense PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/yappers

And finally, entry 9: fur-lined lab gloves. Because four of the entries were from us, everyone who submitted an ad wins a hardcopy! Our thanks to the submitters, Volume 5 will be on sale soon.

Entry 8: A new line of Black 6 lab mice. Entries have now closed for our ad competition.

Making Dinosaur Juice from Simple Saccharides: Total Synthesis of 𝜶-D-tolupyranose PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/sugar

Entry 7: photochemistry in the blink of an eye.

Entry 6: a new use for used chromatography silica.

Entry 5: An essential tool for the laboratory ornithologist.

How Big Can The Periodic Table Get Before Students Call Bullshit? PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Longest-Pe...

Entry 4: The Wine Schlenk. We need some more entries in the ad-competition folks, 75% of the ads so far were made by the editor. New deadline for submissions is the 10th of January. Here are the guidelines: www.reddit.com/r/Immaterial...

Those Fuckers Were Making It Up This Whole Time: An Exposé of “Electrochemistry" PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/electro...

Entry 3: A dating app for chemists

Solving the Riemann Hypothesis via My Spam Folder PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/riemann

Entry 2 in the ad competition: the annual SciHub plug.

Here’s the first entry in our spoof-ad competition: The McSolvent Fountain.

A paper on the best strategies to deal with malign spirits in a molecular biology setting. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/pcr-dem...

The 2025 spoof-ad competition is now open! The best five entries win hardcopies of the journal, submissions close January 5th. See the fourth image for details.

Towards an Exact Formula for Superpermutation Length: Revisiting the Haruhi Problem PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/haruhi

Have you ever wondered how types of scientific glassware got their names? This article tells the stories of men like La Marquis de Burette, Justus von Liebig and Jan Wółumétrič. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Glassware....

Experimental Validation of Aggression Response in Hornet Colonies Following Direct Digital Insertion PDF: immaterialscience.org/s/Hornets-re...

Statistical Proof That Binge-Watching VTubers Won’t Make You Happy (But Might Make You Fall In Love) PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/VTubers-GS...

Some Novel Necronuclear Mesospheric Mapping Methodology PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Nuclear-Su...

We measured the percentage of drivers who waved us while driving across a desert, and extrapolated some findings about vehicle choice and personal fulfilment. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/fingering

Wierdyellowmushroomycin: Towards Good, Natural Drugs Instead of Bad, Synthetic Drugs Full of Chemicals PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Mushrooms....

The 2025 Noble Prizes: A Year in Review PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/noblepr...

The 2025 Noble Prize in Economics has been awarded to Elon Musk, for “saving ̶$̶2̶T̶ ̶$̶1̶T̶ ̶$̶2̶0̶6̶B̶ $32B in government spending”. By recognising that numbers in economics are basically pretend, musk has been able to maximise savings by moving a few decimal points around.

The 2025 Noble Prize for Peace has been awarded to Donald J. Trump for “for resolving protracted conflicts between Armenia and Azerbaijan, Israel and Iran, Switzerland and Bhutan, Sparta and Athens, and the Achaeans and Troy”.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize for Literature has been awarded to Humanity, "for creating millennia's worth of original content with which to train generative AI". With creativity finished, our painters and poets can now return to the workforce as useful things like tax lawyers.

BREAKING: the 2025 Noble Prize in Chemistry has been awarded to DuPont, 3M and Daikin “for the development and deployment of PFAS: a family of infinitely sustainable chemicals”. As these now-ubiquitous chemicals never decompose, they can be reused for generations to come.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize in physics has been awarded to Xián Zhū Shǒu for “harnessing laser ablation and ultrasonic levitation to create a toaster with an ‘a bit less’ function". The ability to unburn toast will contribute far more to everyday life than gravitational waves.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize for Medicine has been awarded to RFK Jr. for “taking bold action to reduce life expectancies in the USA”. By undermining the health system, RFK Jr. has led the charge to combat the USA's aging population and prevent a pension crisis.

A Balanced, Nuanced, and Comprehensive Review of Scientific English and its Relevance to Modern Scholarship PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Scientific...

Why Are You So Fat?: A Kinetic Model of Weight Loss PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Fat-Kineti...

This is what happens when you use genetic engineering for good, rather than just making fruit flies with legs for eyes. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Sex-Carrot...

From Lead To Gold – A Minireview PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/From-Lead-...

Hey everyone, it’s taken five years, but J. Immat. Sci. finally has its own website: immaterialscience.org. On it, you can find our our entire back-catalogue of articles (>140), links to buy hardcopies of our journals, the PDF versions, and our submission guidelines/templates.

The authors of this paper went above and beyond, and physically went to a mall to survey the public. Their question: do you like twizzlers? PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Twizzlers....

It’s that time of year again friends, and we want to hear your suggestions for the 2025 Noble Prizes in chemistry, physics, literature, medicine, peace and economics. Chuck your ideas in the comments.

Toward a Cosmologically Complete Astrology: Corrections Based on the Mapped Distribution of Dark Matter and Dark Energy PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/astrology

We recorded a cover of Ed Sheeran's "The A Team". We rewrote this melancholy ballad, originally about homelessness and substance abuse, to reflect the experience of doing a PhD, and somehow made it even more depressing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ7W...

A scientific explanation for a cat with two tails.

We report the discovery of a pair of novel neurotransmitters, which are synthesised from dopamine and Cheese Supreme Doritos. PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We turned medicinal chemistry into a card game, which takes 3-10 years to play. PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We ranked all the “sea”-creatures we could think of by how much they resemble the land counterparts. In light of the wild inconsistencies we have uncovered, we recommend renaming some land animals in the name of fairness, eg. lions = landsharks. PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We disclose a method for exploiting a glitch in physics, allowing a 1989 Toyota Corolla to turn into an infinite matter generator. PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We report the *successful* testing of a mortar powered by sodium metal and water. PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...