The bin is real now. There is paperwork. Ten registered electors of Clacton signed a legal document to bring a bin into constitutional existence, in the largest field in British parliamentary history. Our fact-check verdict is amended: SUPERSEDED BY EVENTS.

Reform UK is now publicly at war with the standards commissioner, the press, and the National Crime Agency, while contesting a by-election. The claims, the counter-claims, and the paper trail, separated. From our politics desk.

Britain changes Prime Minister on Monday. The arithmetic: Burnham holds 349 of Labour's 403 nominations. A challenger needs 81. Only 54 MPs remain unpledged. The contest ended by arithmetic. Leader Friday. Prime Minister Monday 20 July. The exact timetable:

New from our politics desk, which is not the satire desk: the Widdecombe case has produced three days of competing claims, including a dispute over the Prime Minister's private words. The record, separated from the rhetoric. No speculation. That is deliberate.

We went back to Clacton. The world had got there first. Japanese TV is on the seafront. There is a waiting list, in Clacton, for paperwork. And residents have started adding rosettes to municipal bins, which has not helped the leaflet teams. Derek remains unmoved.

Our racing desk has issued its form guide to the Clacton field. THE MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY: enters at a structural disadvantage unprecedented in its 43-year history. It is now the sensible vote. Guidance unchanged: the bin, each way.

If the bin wins, Parliament faces a genuine legal question: a statute of 1313, still in force, forbids Members from entering the House wearing armour. It has never been tested against a receptacle. Our constitutional desk reports. The Clerk of the House has begun drinking.

Reform UK has begun opposition research on a bin. Our fact-checking desk examined the case. CLAIM: he has "a head full of rubbish" (Robert Jenrick). VERDICT: TRUE, AND FATAL TO THE ATTACKER. It is the only head in this contest whose contents are fully declared.

Ipsos has polled the nation on Clacton. Preferred winner: Count Binface 33%, Nigel Farage 21%. When we endorsed the Count, critics called it a joke. Ipsos has now polled the joke. It leads by twelve points. Our markets desk initiates coverage: OVERWEIGHT (the helmet alone).

We have completed a line-by-line audit of Count Binface's manifesto. We believe it is the first candidate manifesto audited in full in Britain this parliament. Findings: the candidate is entirely unqualified. The books, however, are clean. The Ceefax shed has been located.

SCANDAL: Count Binface has refused to deny living 400 million light years from Clacton. His campaign insists he has been fully transparent: "His address is published in light years." Our fact-checking desk has meanwhile verified his other claim: he is not Nigel Farage.

This publication has never endorsed a political candidate. We are a personal-finance outlet. But the Clacton by-election presents a choice so stark that neutrality is no longer responsible journalism. Trending Sheet endorses Count Binface. 🗑️

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