I know a place.

🎵Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon, or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? 🎵

¡Saludos desde México!

Sure, but can AI multitask with a coffee, a diet coke and a bottle of water on its desk at the same time?

My gym crush walked in wearing a red hat and WHEW the disappointment I almost FELT

Never give up on your dreams. Unless they're dumb.

Alexa, do 10 sit-ups for me.

I don't care WHO you are, if I walk past your house and your cat is sitting in the window I WILL stop and talk to it, don't try me.

Once I figure out how to get more than 6 hours of sleep it's over for you bitches.

Today has big 'sit down in the shower' energy.

Just ran my 1900th gay mile of the year!

Checking to see if Dr. Luke produced this new Katy song before bopping to it

I don't like the person I become when I'm tracking a package.

In honor of last night's election results, I'm gonna be gay on my run this morning.

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but i have it…Oh wait, that's a bottle of whiskey, but whatever

I'm in my 'eat your entire recommended daily calorie intake at breakfast' era.

Glad I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike some people I know.

Look, if listening to All I Want For Christmas Is You starting today brings you joy in these confusing and difficult times, you go right ahead. FIND YOUR PEACE AND HAPPINESS, FRIENDS!

Unfortunately, my Sexy Mitch McConnell costume didn't arrive in time.

Slapping a band-aid on my shoulder and dressing up as a flu shot recipient.

Yes, I have an entire section of the closet that's just random items I might need one day for a theme party or halloween costume, and no, I haven't worn any of it for over a decade BUT YOU NEVER KNOW

I really hope these 18 bags of Reese's peanut butter cups are going to be enough for the zero trick-or-treaters I get.

Might run for Congress just so I can get 52 weeks of vacation per year.

Mission Accomplished, y'all! Marathon #29 ✔️

*drinks an afternoon cup of coffee *still nods off 5 minutes later

I don't stop pouring until there's a little syrup on every square of the waffle.

I'm dressing up as mentally exhausted for Halloween this year.

Ordered a coffee and breakfast sandwich. Walked out without the sandwich.

Just ran my 1800th gay mile of the year!

Someone put an 8am meeting on my calendar and now I won't have time to stop for coffee

43% of all social media gays live in Chicago

If I were ever on House Hunters I'd be like, 'House 1 is next to a diner that serves biscuits and gravy? Sold.' End of show.

Today's Do List: 1. Go for a run. 2. Do laundry. 3. Pick up some groceries. 4. Lift America's spirit.

Oh my God, what if my cellphone that I haven't taken off of silent for over two years goes off in the middle of the movie, I better check again just to make sure!

Just ran for two hours what did I miss did the government open?

Not to be skeptical but I have a sneaky suspicion that some of you aren't keeping it one hundred on the land, thе sea, the sky

Breadsticks. Do you know what I mean?

It's weird that by picking this fight with Pritzker, Trump just gave political power and national name recognition to one of the only Dems with enough money and high enough approval ratings to make a real run at the White House. This has become JB's moment.

The Chipotle by my office has become so stingy with their scoops of meat that everyone goes to the Chipotle two blocks down now.

I like that treadmills have a cup holder for your roadies.

Doin' my little exercise

Weirdly, I have no strong opinion about the thing everyone has strong opinions about today.

Just ran my 1700th gay mile of the year!

okay, my summer body is almost ready

Roxette in 1988:

My Uber driver only said 'hello' at the beginning of the ride and 'thank you' at the end. 5 stars.

You're all still here? Are you telling me NO ONE who uses Bluesky got raptured?!

Back in The Pitt.

Gonna step back from social media for a bit until I find the strength to go on, oh look at that I'm back.

Just ran my 1600th gay mile of the year!