Not sure this is going to help much if the shit goes down

Fucking hell Lindsay. Deep breaths. Middle East crisis live: Iranian forces waiting for US ground troops and will ‘set them on fire’, warns parliamentary speaker www.theguardian.com/world/live/2...

Thank you for your attention to this spatter

I'm postponing Armageddon. For five days

Mind you, that tortoise is shifting.

Iran war latest

Could Marco Rubio, who presumably has several staff in his office, not simply give one of them the non fitting shoes that the president gave him and ask that they order the same type of shoes in his size? Just spit balling here

Absolutely peak South Africa in the back end of a cricket tournament happening here

a coalition of Islamists and woke progressives that came together to dominate the constituency

If anyone needs me I'll be thinking about Pathum Nissanka

Is the answer "because it was fucking mental"? businesschief.com/news/strateg...

Niche timeline juxtaposition

Look, it was a fine innings and he is a great prospect, but I think ennobling the lad just puts excessive expectation on him

To be fair. Calling the really icy one "Greenland" and the hot volcano-ey one "Iceland" was a bit of a strange choice

Fine! The pigs in blankets and cranberry sauce were shop bought. Sue me!

Taking gentleman callers with her Alfred barely cold in his grave! And that wasn't a single person's butter ration she came home with yesterday, I'll tell you that!

You will be visited by three spirits

Has any thought been given to offering a gold Blue Peter badge instead of the money?

Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots without due care or attention I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly Embrace the margin

Live footage of 53 year old me being forced to deal with authenticator apps

Even when you are well aware of the news, this headline has a big oof factor.

Unsolicited Herr Flick pic

Me on my way to the rapture

So some people had starters and that end of the table ordered a second bottle of wine, so it doesn't seem fair to just split the bill evenly.

The stash house!

Work is stressing me out so I am taking short wellbeing breaks where I take apart the asthma inhaler I was recently prescribed to see how it works

George Clooney, best known for playing the barman in the product placement scene in Return of the Killer Tomatoes

Slightly diminish a band. Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Marble Arch

The PM looks like he's just realised how tall Merz is.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou doth sound exciting and fun at the outset, but doth become wearisome and exhausting as time goes by

I'll put him down as a maybe

Latest charity shop purchase. Mrs West is gonna roll her eyes so hard it might cause permanent damage

The fact that all the Catturd stuff sails safely over my head gives me cause to be hopeful about myself

New Danny Dyer insult just dropped

Probably want to get that looked at, mate

'What do we want?' '80s soft rock!' 'When do we want it?' 'T'Pau!'

Where's the gift shop?

PM Zack Polanski on EU structures "Mr. Delors said at a press conference the other day that he wanted the European Parliament to be the democratic body of the Community, he wanted the Commission to be the Executive and he wanted the Council of Ministers to be the Senate. Norks. Norks. Norks

Drill down through the earth's crust to expose an area of mantle and then drop thousands of mentos into the shaft to see what happens.

Charities when you try and donate stuff these days

Now to the Europa league draw, let's see who Spurs might be playing

Mandy texts in; she's in the car, heading home in the A316. Heading up West tonight with all the Teddington girls. It's gonna be a big one she reckons! Have a great one Mandy, and remember there's a temporary speed limit in place on the A316 just before Kew

My Criminals? Fun Lovin'

Achtung! Hier kommen die Deutschen Politiksunderstanderen!