Agoraphobia is so fucking stupid. Like thanks, being around people makes me feel sick and I have to have something above my head or the sky will swallow me like a little snacky-snack. I haven't posted puns recently because I've been feeling pretty rough.

The apartments I'm moving into average 475 square feet. My agoraphobic ass couldn't be happier.

Feb 26th. Pun Calendar. "I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts!" You will die, sir. 23/50 almonds.

Feb 25th. Pun Calendar. "Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box." As an agoraphobic person, I can understand but am the opposite. 14/15 boxes.

Feb 24th. Pun Calendar. "I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy." Fantastic 10/10 fingers.

Feb 22nd and 23rd. Pun Calendar. "I ran out of poker chips so I used dried fruits for playing instead. People went nuts when they saw me raisin the stakes." Pretty good. 23/25 raisins.

Feb 21st. Pun Calendar. "This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself, that's a nice jester." Don't like clowns do like jesters. This is a good pun. 9/10 jester hats.

Feb 20th. Pun Calendar. "I got a job in a health club but they said I wasn't fit for the job." Pretty good, though sad. 7/10 fitness clubs.

I forgot yesterday's (18th) pun, which is fine because it's not a pun. "Zebras are just horses that escaped from jail?" Not a pun! 0/10! Feb 19th. "My sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis." That's more like it! 10/10 crises.

Feb 17th. Pun Calendar. "I found a rock yesterday which measured 1,760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone." It's okay. 1600/1760 yards.

I forgot yesterday's pun. Feb 14th and 15th and 16th. Pun Calendar. "Skunks love Valentine's Day because it's very scent-imental." Cute! 9/10 skunks. "I've decided to sell my vacuum. It was just collecting dust." Heehee! 10/10 vacuums.

Feb 13th. Pun Calendar. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization." A lie, but a funny one. 7/10 atheists.

Feb 12th. Pun Calendar. "I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed." 👀👀👀 10/10

Feb 11th. Pun Calendar. "Masks have no face value." A very subtle pun. 4/6 faces.

Feb 10th. Pun Calendar. "My tennis opponent was not too happy with my serves, he kept returning them." Pretty good. 8/10 tennis balls.

I've been seeing a lot of hate for the new Nosferatu movie and I feel like a lot of people missed the whole point of the movie. It's about original sin and how that concept oppresses women. It's about the changeling stereotype. It's about how men see women as objects for their own use.

Feb 8th and 9th. Pun Calendar. "What is a hurricane's favorite game? Twister." Should have been 'tornado's favorite game' instead of hurricane. 6/10 tornados.

Feb 7th. Pun Calendar. "I recently got crushed by a pile of books. But I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame." Eh, I'll take it. 7/10 books.

Feb 6th. Pun Calendar. "Sue broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine." A bit weak. 5/10 fingers.

Feb 5th. Pun Calendar. "Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you." Who can afford x-rays in the US? 4000/5000 US dollars.

Feb 4th. Pun Calendar. "I'm working on a device that will read minds. I'd love to hear your thoughts." A little creepy. 6/10 thoughts.

Jan 3rd. Pun Calendar. "She was only a whiskey maker, but I loved her still." Fantastic. I love this one. 100/100 proof.

Missed yesterday's pun but it's fine because it's the same as today's pun. Feb 1st and 2nd. Pun Calendar. "I planned to find my watch today, but I didn't have the time." Excellent. Classic. 11/12 hours.

Jan 31st. Pun Calendar. "A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption." Guns in school is poor taste. 2/10

I forgot my pun yesterday so you get two puns today. Jan 29th. Pun Calendar. "If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine." Niche. I like it. 10/12 baguettes Jan 30th. Pun Calendar. "I've been learning braille. I'm sure I'll master it once I get a feel for it." Cute. 20/26 letter

I never realized how much of my anxiety was due to agoraphobia til now. My therapist noticed a big difference in my mood today. Spending my days enclosed in a bed tent makes it so that I have more spoons to handle leaving the house, increases my mood, and decreases my anxiety. Big win.

Jan 28th. Pun Calendar. "I often say to myself, 'I can't believe that cloning machine worked!'" Subtle, tasteful, a lie tho. 3/5 clones.

Jan 27th. Pun Calendar. "There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking. The results were staggering." Hehehehehe. 9/10 shots.

Jan 25th and 26th. Pun Calendar. "I've accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles. My next poop could spell disaster." Love a good poop joke. 20/26 letters.

Jan 24th Pun Calendar. "Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?" Boo. Go to the gym! 2/7 treadmills.

Jan 23rd Pun Calendar "I gave all my dead batteries away… they were free of charge!" Another double pun, we appreciate. Points docked for the crime of giving away dead batteries. 30/45 AAAs.

Jan 22. Pun Calendar. "It was cold in the bedroom so I laid down in the fireplace and slept like a log." Makes me think of a friend at LARP. 2/3 logs.

Jan 21st. Pun Calendar. "I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked." Cute. I like it. 6/7 seatbelts.

Jan 20th. Pun Calendar. "I understand how gems are made. The concept is crystal clear to me." Cute. To the point. Simple. A good pun. 8/10 amethyst points.

Living in the current political climate with schizoaffective disorder is like living in a video game that's constantly on nightmare mode. Only worse.

No puns on Sundays. 😞

Jan 18th. Pun Calendar. "There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal." Sales are hard. This pun goes harder. 2/2 oars.

Jan 17th. Pun Calendar. "Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass." Loving these double puns. 4/4 Window panes.

My insurance decided I did not need sedation for the shot that went directly to the nerve between my pelvis and my spine because the procedure was quick. It was about as quick as the other two, which I got sedated for. I would know, I felt the needle.

Jan 16th. Pun Calendar. "Went to quite a few stores to find the best prices for herbs… I think it was thyme well spent." Two puns in one post? My favorite pun? Be still my beating heart! 1000/100 thyme leaves! This is my favorite pun!

Jan 15th. Pun Calendar. "I always wanted to learn how to procrastinate... just never got around to it." Excellent. I love a good paradox. 10/10 impossibilities.

Jan 14th. Pun Calendar. "Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap." Lazy. Could be better! 3/12 brownies.

Almost forgor Jan 13th. Pun Calendar. "My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly… I'm not a fan." Pretty good. I can appreciate it. 4/5 fan blades.

Jan 11th and 12th Pun Calendar. There will be no pun tomorrow. "When my ice house falls apart igloo it back together." Cute! Fresh! A good pun all around. I rate it 47/50 ice blocks.

Jan 10th. Pun Calendar. "Whenever I'm feeling blue, I start breathing again." It's okay, not my favorite. Reminds me I have sleep apnea. 4/10 breaths.

Jan 9th. Pun Calendar. "Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be just water." A good one. Just works. ;) 17/18 ice cubes.

Unlike Billie, I DO need that xanny to feel better.

Jan 8th. Pun Calendar. "What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Doesn't really feel like an actual pun, is just asking a hypothetical question about hypothetical questions. Reminds me of biology classes. 2/30 crickets.

Jan 7th. Pun Calendar. "Things made in Australia are high koala-ty." A perfect pun. Short, easy to understand, includes a fun fact. 10/10 koalas.

Jan 6th. Pun Calendar. "My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is steadily improving." Almost a perfect pun. Docking one point for the ex-wife part. 2/3 darts.