love to read about revolutionary new ev tech and see all the pretty pictures of steering wheels on the right side of the dashboard

If you see this, we IMPLORE YOU to post a picture from whatever device you're using without explanation.

bob suicide: look, go ahead and check the terminal logs for yourself. the suicidr™ was clearly not in 'suicide mode' at the moment the user died. obviously i'm very concerned and I can assure you that we're working tirelessly to change the name of the mode before the next release...

WHY IS EVERYONE SO GODDAMN CONFUSED WHEN I MENTION GOING CLOCHE SHOPPING DOES NO ONE DISPLAY ITEMS ANYMORE????

NOW WE'RE TALKIN

[reflexively pushing glasses up on nose] THE KS SUPER WAS MANUFACTURED BY RICOH AND SOLD BY SEARS AND WHILE ITS CAPABILITIES AND BUILD QUALITY EXCEEDED ITS MODEST PRICE TAG IT IS LAUGHABLE TO IMAGINE A BUSY CRUISE SHIP PHOTOGRAPHER CARRYING ONE PARTICULARLY[snort] WITHOUT A FLASH[snort] GAFFE CITY

ok chat what do we think is it worth lowballing an offer to offset the shipping or do i just go for it

so............do you guys think björk knows it's my birthday?

it's heartening to see so much inclusivity on pornhub these days, but the ux design has really gone downhill

are you fucking with me, computer?

sitting in the olive garden parking lot using their guest wifi to download unlimited hentai

i am also an editor and i am going to watch lawrence of arabia on your grave

every so often i am reminded of this, one of the most bizarre songs/videos i know of, in which sting shaves his head into a horse-mane mohawk, rides a t-1000 stallion, and opens his divorced-guy songwriting veins, whence he spews divorced-guy plasma everywhere. also there's a line-dancing alien.

i love to learn about an awesome thing after it's already started disappearing and then try desperately to convince myself that because life itself is the same way and this is somehow actually an important lesson about the nature of all things and then i keep scrolling and ooo lookit the mcrib is ba

quest diagnostics has cyber monday deals

apparently my parents still keep this photo of us from my bar mitzvah on their dresser how cute is that

i am being mocked for my essay about how god created the toyota venza in the image of his most toyota venza qualities

hakeem jeffries [furiously doing kegels]: i am tore up from the floor up

my ass is a doorbuster

😯😯😯VERY MUCH MY SHIT😯😯😯

HOW DARE ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES TRY TO LECTURE ME ABOUT THE APPROPRIATE USE OF 'SCHWEPPERVESCENCE'

there is a heavy sigh hidden in every one of my posts. see if you can figure out where!

a television fell on my head when i was 4

we saw you from across the marsh and really dig your vibe

i am going to become the woker

i would absolutely subscribe* to a streaming service to watch this. *- activate a free trial and promptly cancel

i'd never made a lidded bowl before (or maybe it becomes a pot when lidded?). this one is khaya & granadillo. it was finicky, turned out a bit janky, and is probably too short to hold much, but now i've made one. i've passed through another ontological membrane, and now i'm all sticky. #woodturning

ok i think this evening's revelations are a decent enough use case good job everyone clap it up

holy shit a literal budgie smuggler!

[zooming in on the dark spot shaped quite a bit like the wheelbarrow gamepiece from monopoly in my latest brain scan] me: baby, don't worry. it's not a wheelbarrow token from the popular board game monopoly. the journalist writing a profile on me: i must have you.

someone better at this than me should figure out what to do with this 👍

new vagus nerve who dis

inside you there are two smurfs...

pope be like

perfect example of my executive dysfunction: i always forget and finish the glass of water before i even start eating the roll of pennies

the train conductor asked me if i smelled play-doh, and even though i didn't, i said i did. first little white lie in a while. still got it.

life's rich pageant

i thought- I had tsuris

the gossamer veil: ...well i'm sure you'll have plenty of time to finish your memoirs... *in jail*... the autobiographer: GODDAMMIT, I HATE JAIL!

one time jeffrey epstein emailed soon yi previn the entire text of a new york times profile of zach braff

the gum disease gingivitis is sabotaging my ai strategy

fuck that first fish that crawled out of the ocean. we had a good thing going but you just had to go and ruin it.

uh yeah i love studio ghibli especially the way they make the food look so beautiful

repost with an iconic fictional band

james bond is a modern fairy tale about nude lady and gun, set in and around the fictional realm of "the united kingdom [sic]." it borrows heavily from the works of hans christian andersen, ed roth, teletubbies, and the obscure webcomic "bowtie barnes kicks ascot" by craunch weems. it is not good.

i am at a wedding and just remembered that i hate being at a wedding