"People are always saying: Kirby Smart. Well, let me tell you what I'm always saying: Dabo Blessed. And I'll take faith over knowledge any time I'm playing Alabama."

No ponytailed uncle should have to bury their ponytailed nephew. Alas, we're going to have a lot of that in the RFK Jr. era and its aftermath.

"You think it's bad when our kicker nails the upright? Well, you know who else was NAILED to something, and went KICKING his feet, UP RIGHT to Heaven, where he saved our souls?"

Doogie Howser? I hardly Doogie know her!

Borrowed my Greek friend's car, riding in the Whip of Theseus

The ball peen hammer is the only tool that tells you what you're supposed to use it on right there in its name.

Looking at reviews for a bar called The Riptide and it appears people are discussing actual riptides at the nearby beach in the questions.

If your core value proposition is being slightly more moral than your competitors, probably best not to court amoral customers: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/the-trade-...

Gen Z Person Who Has Definitely Had Sex: Having absolutely no fun, depriving one's self of all pleasure, on an airplane? This, to me, is "raw dogging a flight."

How can Bluesky thrive in the face of current issues and potential future ones and inevitably, as it must, make money? My thoughts: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/bluesky-is...

(Sublime Voice) "I done crapped piss; diarrhea. I got some shit on my balls."

Horses are GOATed. And goats? They not horsing around.

If you're already here on Bluesky you're the last person this is for but nonetheless I'm trying to explain it to general internet chuds, LinkedIn warriors, etc. with this article: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/bluesky-is...

The best way to determine quickly if you're looking at a potentially useful piece of analysis starts with being a potty mouth: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/oh

Part two of my look at AppLovin where I look at their real e-com potential and also call people in independent ad tech, and at the DNC, feckless incompetent cowards in the exact same way more or less. payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/applovin-i...

Part one of my look at AppLovin, which is either the latest collection of scams stacked together to resemble a rival to Meta and Google and co, or a very real viable business that's just currently overvalued, or something in between: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/applovin-i...

Among many other things, Sly Stone pioneered saying "don't write in the newspaper that I got mad."

You're from Great Neck? That's crazy, I'm from Great Back Great Pussy and Great Crack.

Meta launched a new "incrementality" product in its ads suite intended to further gobble up the entire world of digital advertising. Here is my take: payingforthis.beehiiv.com/p/incrementa...

She Wowee on my Zowee til I draw Pavement themed yaoi

She grate on my cheddar til I cheese also when I went to Google this to see if it has already been done I received no help, just this wall of nonsense

Quora posters love to remember that everyone is human.

This is just a log of every "virtual tabletop" Cyberpunk RPG I've ever been a part of

Sorry kitten, zaddy couldn't jork it

"A Cunty Beefer 'n' make it fly, guv" is how the Brits order this classic summer combo (bottles Guinness and gin + tonic sans lime in a Falcons branded Tervis tumbler

"Your girl thinks I'm apples, the way I'm in-cide-her" immediately silences the crowd. After a few seconds my joy curdles into despair as I remember my whole rap battle persona is that I'm a volcel data entry professional fueled by my vast reservoir of retained seed.

Imagining a culture war sports pundit who hates the Braves, but thinks the name and native imagery are Good Actually, so he calls them the Atlanta BrAAVEs

She croque on monsieur til I bechamel

Sleep Token? You mean Imadjent Dragons?

Dune fanboys think they're the ones on that Space Islam shit until they learn this guy's first name in the original canon was Allahu, happy May 5 losers

I feel like if people can just get in front of Trump for one minute and say enough stuff like "Diddy is being treated unfairly" and "ISIS are actually people of faith who love to make beautiful deals" he's just going to post that stuff before anyone knows he heard it and maybe this is our out.

I did not expect home ownership to have me uttering the phrase "we might have the 1967 Fender Stratocaster of refrigerators" after spending an hour analyzing if we should fix our current unit or buy a new one with my girlfriend. Also does anyone have any fridge recommendations, French door style?

If she lets belches rip, Her pussy has grip. If her burp tone is thin, Ye'll barely know when you're in.

Drake berating his cadre of yes-men and boot lickers who did not prevent his downfall: You used to call me on self-owns

I was worried I would never really come to like spending time with my girlfriend's besties, but it turns out Sephiroth and Mohg Lord of Blood are actually cool as hell and surprisingly down to earth.

So all along Severance was a show about how even with super powerful brain and emotion control technology, polyamory still doesn't work.

White Lotus is a classic Comedy of Manners. As in it's bad manners to trick me into watching this by telling me there is any comedy involved.

If Hailey Welch was in Jethro Tull: "SPIT-TING ON A PE-NIS... HAWK-WUAHHHHH TUAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A fun parody brand I thought up as a total joke.

She let you toot it, AND boot it? In this economy?

Who called it terraforming and not Taradising?

(played way too much Stoneshard this week voice) Hey I really want to make a spicy lentil based stew but I don't know where to get dog meat?

Clutch is just (the heaviest riff you've ever heard) "Puke-a-juke-a Wub-a-dubb-a I'm a whaler Eatin blubba" (A riff even heavier than the first somehow) And it works.

Andy Reid is going to start State Farm Jake on Sunday because HE KNOWS that YOU KNOW the whole thing is always rigged from the jump for the Chiefs, and he wants you to know that he knows that you know.

Alan Cumming is a guy? Lol sure, okay, by the way my real name is Terrence Busting.

The Male Loneliness Epidemic is actually caused by me, I'm too cool and have accrued all the friends for myself

LL Cool Bean

Alarm: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP Me: heard

Damn even Pandemic is doing the Netflix Yellow feature on those countries.

The street is named Hosea Williams because it is indeed a veritable Sea of Ho's out there on that road