i bet being a robin chirping away after a light spring rain shower feels good affffff

ornithologically inclined oliver twist:

pinterest feed 90% ai-generated outfits and ai-generated women wearing them

whole family is miserably constipated on our cruise so i can’t even brag about how good my poops have been :(

told a lady at my grandmother’s nursing home i liked her necklace but it was her life alert lanyard

got a man sentenced to 90 days in jail and mandatory substance abuse treatment today.

if the bible was written today it'd be like: jesus tied up THEIR brown hair in a messy bun and came out of their cave to discover they've been sold to one direction for 30 silver pieces 😱

popped one of my stitches laughing too hard at an SNL skit, oh it's so over for me in so many ways

bought a bunch of those little target birds at goodwill last weekend and reselling them to collectors at a 10x mark-up, not many people can say the same

i love saying that i used to take bribes when i worked in journalism, referring to when the local church would give me free fish fry platters during lent for putting their event in our weekly calendar for free instead of the $5 placement cost, i miss it everyday!!!

currently tearing up thinking about how much i love reality television

conversations like these >>>>>>

i simply love being a scorpio

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

anti-dog sentiments gaining mainsteam support, oh i've hoped and prayed for times like these

eating seaweed and pretending i’m a dinosaur in the land before time

got a man arrested today.

me after watch that half time show:

when celine dion said 'that's the way it is' in her song 'that's the way it is' she was right....that's the way it is....

bad bunny

my elsa slayyyyyy

shoveling 500 metric tons of frozen solid snow has me like hmmMMMM maybe i DO need a man...

me listening to paris by the chainsmokers

hanging out with gay guys is 80% “have you heard the new ____ song?”

staring so intensely at my reflection in the mirror to make sure my nipples aren't visible through my white shirt before visiting my grandmother's nursing home

when the trinket section of the thrift store is lackluster it’s like yeah you’re right i should kill myself

“i’m gonna cry when p!nk dies … won’t you..?” … “…you think you’re gonna outlive p!nk…?”

i feel like we moved on from jojo siwa bette davis eyes too quickly

approaching the decision to grow out my bangs with the gravitas one would have when debating cutting off all their limbs

a bag of chex mix has all the nutrients you need to sustain a strong and healthy body

i am happy for you or sorry that happened but i am not watching or scrolling through your 2025 recap post

i want to gnaw on timothee chalamet like a piece of rawhide (affectionate)

Nothing better than a glass of #WhiteWine...🍷 Except maybe #SubmittingLowBidsOnEbay 😄 #Yep #ImAce 🌈

went shopping today for 7 hours but only actually purchased something from a store called korean korner

cleaning woman saw my vibrator AND forgot to wipe down my baseboards

was self-concious about wearing jeans and i walked into work and my gay co-worker immediately went "OKAAAAAAY JEANS!!!!!"

went jean shopping after three days of binge eating

johnathan bailey as long as you’re mine put me in heat

pictures of my cat going unexplainably micro-viral on twitter rn

sue me i want to be….wanted

bloomf found a hundred dollar bill in the thrifted shoes i got him

slept 10 hours, woke up, ate a quesadilla, and then took a two hour nap

first time ever having trick or treaters and it was amazing

elton john was gay as hell for writing a whole song about princess diana but also i get it

i'm always finding new and inventive ways to hit a curb with my car

browsing online grocery store coupons is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

you can't stop the beat!!!!