shoveling 500 metric tons of frozen solid snow has me like hmmMMMM maybe i DO need a man...

me listening to paris by the chainsmokers

hanging out with gay guys is 80% “have you heard the new ____ song?”

staring so intensely at my reflection in the mirror to make sure my nipples aren't visible through my white shirt before visiting my grandmother's nursing home

when the trinket section of the thrift store is lackluster it’s like yeah you’re right i should kill myself

“i’m gonna cry when p!nk dies … won’t you..?” … “…you think you’re gonna outlive p!nk…?”

i feel like we moved on from jojo siwa bette davis eyes too quickly

approaching the decision to grow out my bangs with the gravitas one would have when debating cutting off all their limbs

a bag of chex mix has all the nutrients you need to sustain a strong and healthy body

i am happy for you or sorry that happened but i am not watching or scrolling through your 2025 recap post

i want to gnaw on timothee chalamet like a piece of rawhide (affectionate)

Nothing better than a glass of #WhiteWine...🍷 Except maybe #SubmittingLowBidsOnEbay 😄 #Yep #ImAce 🌈

went shopping today for 7 hours but only actually purchased something from a store called korean korner

cleaning woman saw my vibrator AND forgot to wipe down my baseboards

was self-concious about wearing jeans and i walked into work and my gay co-worker immediately went "OKAAAAAAY JEANS!!!!!"

went jean shopping after three days of binge eating

johnathan bailey as long as you’re mine put me in heat

pictures of my cat going unexplainably micro-viral on twitter rn

sue me i want to be….wanted

bloomf found a hundred dollar bill in the thrifted shoes i got him

slept 10 hours, woke up, ate a quesadilla, and then took a two hour nap

first time ever having trick or treaters and it was amazing

elton john was gay as hell for writing a whole song about princess diana but also i get it

i'm always finding new and inventive ways to hit a curb with my car

browsing online grocery store coupons is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

you can't stop the beat!!!!

the instinct i feel when i see a cardboard box of free stuff on the side of the road is not unlike that of a wolf spotting an injured fawn away from its herd

troll toll hey hey hey

happy fridayyyyy

me after a few days in nature with limited internet access that cut me off from social media and pop culture discourse completely

new taylor swift album has been out for days and i haven't listened to it and probably never will

watching this season of big brother has been soooooo fun because i absolutely love the contestant everyone else hates

it is soooo awesome that we're literally never going to experience autumn weather ever again

tfw a routine teeth cleaning turns into having four teeth ripped out your big stupid baby face #fatcatfriday

the government should subsidize mozzarella stick delivery for people who are a little hungover

finally resolved and moved on from a tense work situation only to now be dealing with a concussion and a mouse in my house

told a potential dogsitting client they "couldn't afford me"

really emotional over princess diana tonight

dogs always going crazy over greenies its like hmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔 lemme try one

singing "life of a showgirl" in the same cadence of hinder's hit song "lips of an angel"

travis kelce isn't real and he can't hurt me travis kelce isn't real and he can't hurt me travis kelce isn't real and he can't hurt me travis kelce isn't real and he can't hurt me

plus sized park hoppers cameo as a wedding gift for my two best friends

fart air.....and my butt on your door...

when me and bloomf played this at a friend hangout and were cackling while everyone else watched in complete silence - slack jawed and horrified www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr1p...

and i swear, i’m only cryptic and machiavellian cuz i care

say women, they will come and they will go when the rain washes you clean, you'll know

in 2011, my little pony parodied katy perry california gurls and the first lyric was "i know a place where the grass is what's for dinner"