“You got it! And, of course, right back at you! Why don’t you go enjoy the holiday? I can keep an eye on things!”

“That’s okay! I don’t need a gift! I haven’t got it yet but I did order you some Nuka-Cola Dark!”

“Oh! Should I not get you a gift?”

Valentine’s Day? Where’s Six?

I haven’t! But, I’ve got state-of-the-art RobCo weaponry and, although I’m not usually inclined to use it, I bet it would be very effective!

Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?

(Unless Clarice told him to go back to his normal activities, he would’ve sat still, occasionally shifting to keep balanced. Placing her down, he’d give a pleased hum.) Did that help?

Oh, yeah! He was great until my new best friend came along!

(Cue the claws gently scooping Clarice up and lifting her until her neck is at shoulder level. Heat radiates from the robot’s torso, not enough to burn but enough to be too warm for comfort on a summer day in Nevada.)

Hm… I could lift you up?

I could… fall over?

FROM WHAT MUSICIAN?

PSSSHT—!! (Cue radio static and popping.) (Now there’s classical music.)

Would soothing classical music help?

Do you want a shoulder to cry on?

You did not!

My old best friend and boss!

Benny got crucified once!

“Oh, I was just happy to help him take that leap!”

“Would you like me to tell the others to be quiet? I’d be happy to!”

“Nope! But I might be able to help you! What can I do to assist?”

👁️👄👁️

Why are we standing oddly close to people?

“Happy to help! Besides, we both make a great team. Me, with the plans! And you, with your guns and violence.”

“I love that you are being responsible with your caps! It’s, ha ha, not like I do a lot of work!”

“Then why did you say you did?”

Agreeable!

It’s pronounced ‘Sewer!’

I love that you consistently push these barriers of my programming, even though our fix was only temporary!

I can ask her for one if you want!

I need help from someone who isn’t a mailman.

Yup! But that’s easy work! I can be multiple places at once!

And what am I in charge of?

Of course it is! And you’re doing an amazing job!

Of course! I think it’s great you believe you’re in charge!

I rule the lake with an iron fist :)

I think it’s great that she came all the way here to die by deathclaws! Really nice to get a change of scenery before you’re torn to shreds!

……… Sounds good. (Damn his programming that I forgot about despite it being his whole thing.)

NO JUST LUCY IS THE PROBLEM

this mfer really gonna roll up to my city and cause all sorts of chaos and shenanigans

When you’re upset with me, this is who you’re getting angry at

Ooo, would you like help?

Make sure they’re dead! Trust me, it’s awkward when they show back up.

//: add me or I will make yes-man evil CablesOut