Spencer. Great for adult gift shops. Terrible for LA Mayor.

Trump endorsed Gov. Greg Abbott for re-election. That was wheelie unnecessary.

You lost me at "Rudy Giuliani is recovering."

May the 4th Be With You. #StarWarsDay

Rudy Giuliani is in critical condition at Four Seasons Total Landscaping Hospital.

😬

Becerra is my Lord and Xavier.

If Bob Mould recruits Greg Norton for Sugar, it'll be Copper Blü.

I put the "Jew lips" in mint juleps. #KentuckyDerby

If you'd scheduled a flight with Spirit Airlines, you can always rebook with Braniff.

A Trump passport is handy... if you ever wanna visit Auschwitz.

I don't envy aardvarks because they have to sit at the front of the classroom.

A documentary about King Crimson called 'The Devil Wears Prog Rock.'

Don Jr. hosting 'The Apprentice?' That'll totally blow. #Cocaine

Don Jr. hosting 'The Apprentice?' That'll totally blow.

The false memory of having starred in 'Hamilton' is The Lin-Manuela Effect.

"Mr. President? Sir? Please wake up." #60Minutes

Did they reschedule for a White House Correspondents' Sunday Brunch? #WHCD

"Did someone say SHOTS?!" --Kash Patel #WHCD

Kash Patel refused to evacuate because of the open bar. #WHCD

When they made the singer of Hüsker Dü and Sugar, they broke the Mould.

If Trump falls asleep during tonight's event, it'll be the Snore-respondents' Dinner. #WHCA

The false memory of having been a successful country singer is The Barbara Mandrella Effect.

Something you never see: Awake Trump Something you wanna see: A Trump wake

Why is he called President Trump and not Snooze-olini?

Why is he called President Trump and not Snooze-olini?

The Las Vegas Raiders would never pick Barron Trump because he'll dodge the Draft.

Bob Mould had eye surgery due to a torn retina. Now he can See a Little Light.

How about a ceasefire between Kash Patel and Budweiser. #Iran

In the time it took to post "The Ramones' debut came out 50 years ago," I spun the album twice.

RFK Jr. wishes you a Happy Earth Day!

Not saying Kash Patel is an alcoholic, but his favorite show is CSI: Boone's Farm.

Sorry, Trump. Guess you could always redistrict Venezuela 🤷‍♂️ #Virginia

Kash Patel loves when people cheer, but it's usually a roomful of booze.

How about a ceasefire between Trump and breathing.

Dunno the name, but her face rings Adele.

Just got to Coachella! Where the fuck is everyone?!

Radio station just played "More Than a Feeling," "Don't Look Back" and "Amanda." Guess they're running a Boston marathon.

Andrew Lloyd Webber says he's a recovering alcoholic. In other words, unqualified for FBI Director.

For Record Store Day, I bought a record store.

Kash Patel hates solving crimes in the South on Sundays because liquor stores are closed.

Andrew Lloyd Webber says he's a recovering alcoholic. This explains his new musical, 'EvitAA.'

A dating app for Turning Point USA called "Fucking Nazis."

First one in line on Record Store Day! #RSD2026

Not saying Kash Patel is an alcoholic, but whenever he enters a bar, everyone yells "NORM!"

If you thought David Lee Roth's surprise Coachella appearance was cool, wait 'til you see Gary Cherone! (or is that a little Extreme?)

Why isn't Coachella 2nd week called LollapaTwooza?

The B-52s announced an international tour. You can see them in London, France or Rome (if you want to).

At the end of every Mummy movie, I always yell "That's a wrap!"