Whoever chose this photo is doing the Lord's work.

Had to wear heels today. Stuck hot feet warmers left from my working outside job directly to my toes and it worked so good! I never have warm feet in dress shoes!

This is the kind of silly goose I aspire to be.

My daughter shouts at my son "Don't make my butt feel like it's been nailed! Or screwed! To the wall!" And I once again wonder exactly when I should step in with this perfectly innocent play.

Every protest I attend full of passionate grey hairs feels more and more like playing pretend at the end of the world.

Pretty sure my son thinks the bumblebee is a mammal.

Trying to find references when you haven't done work shit in more than half a decade sucks. I'm not even good at volunteering, don't suggest it. Last time I looked for work, Rades was my reference for my "leadership" role as an officer in TTGF. I forget what on earth he said we did. It wasn't raid.

Today I'm doing job hunting and making grocery lists and taking down the tree and getting through like 30% of each goal.

New Year's resolutions: miss seven: be more fancy Mister six: pluck a single hair from a bumblebee and send it to scientists so they can use DNA (BeeNA) how to make it so people can transform into bees and back.

Seven is now teaching "hugging school", "let me teach you how to Huggies", she says. "Approach the dummy! About a foot away. Put your foot touching the dummy. Now stand on your foot with the non-touching foot. You're very close. Assume hugging stance! Reach out! Now, HUGGIES!"

My ads right now are all interest free loans and extreme couponing tips. The January finance resolution has the ol' algorithm concerned about me. I was just searching for Xmas sale info!

My six year old begged for a big kid sport water bottle. I think he thought he'd look sporty and cool and tough. Unfortunately it's giving thirsty rodent.

Think I have torn a muscle somewhat seriously while ...hoisting my kids' weekly library haul.

My boomer opinion: it's way too easy to send "is this available" on Facebook marketplace. It's useless to the point where I assume it's only there to bolster an engagement metric.

Richard Nixon would pass a law forbidding me from eating 12 airheads while I'm high. Why won't you, cowards?

"I punched my brother because I have nothing to do", she says sitting in front of 3 bookcases of toys and books and games and crafts.

Six has the flu, he finally fell asleep to nap. Miss Seven stomps up the stairs, "I'LL NEVER EAT ANOTHER CIMMOHMIN BUN AGAIN", slams the door. Begins to rage-play the harmonica. Mister Six is no longer asleep.

My daughter on her hands and knees wiggling her butt in the air, yelling "you broke the manatee" over and over while forcing her brother to punch her in the taint. Everyone except me is enjoying this process.

My daughter appears to be on a spiritual quest to become the most annoying person in the world.

My sick son, coughing up phlegm, then swallowing and looking horrified. "Did you get mucous in your mouth?" "No, nose yolk." "Ok, you can spit that into a tiss... wait, nose yolk?"

My daughter is over here just desperately inventing fanfiction. She's going to be ecstatic when we let her online. "I like to lay in bed and imagine my favorite characters meeting each other and doing new things." "I wish tv came in book form."

Santa has read the Epstein files.

Miss Seven said in the last five minutes that last Christmas was better and more special, and groaned and said "ugh I can't stand it" when told break was nearly two weeks long. She's going to deal with it by going to school and learning by herself. Love the satisfaction of parenting.

I met Bigfoot and he's gay.

Given the history of farm animal usage, I can only guess pig milk is totally disgusting.

Feeling incredible guilt that kids have zero activities planned for the holiday two weeks off (😩) and I'll also be working a bunch. I knew intellectually that the second shift of parenting and home care after work is rough, but it is. It is tough.

Every year I say I'm having a "smaller Xmas" and every year I panic buy a bunch of stuff the last week because Christmas looks too small. It still feels small. My overachieving mother lives on in my head.

Parenting hack: fill your kids stockings with the confiscated Halloween candy you haven't secretly eaten in the basement.

For Christmas I would like approximately 30,000 dollars and a black leather belt.

Til I die and TIL I die are such different thoughts.

My elderly father, who is in the hospital, accidentally uploaded his driver's license as an instagram story.

When I decided to work outside in December, I recalled December is usually relatively mild compared to true winter. I was not expecting -22F below average temps, or 46 mph wind gusts. Wind chill hasn't been above 18 in weeks, been sun freezing more than once. Fuck it's cold.

Getting emails from old school picture people trying to get me to buy 4 year old photos. This is cheating, theyre so cute and little!! Oh and hey we can use these to date exactly when Miss Seven got the scar on her face from walking into a street sign.

You know you've really hit the Christmas spirit chaos when you come into work and literally no one knows what's going on. Just... chilling, getting paid to do nothing until someone gets me something to do?

Don't recommend following up eating your crown with an edible. Now I'm super paranoid I'm going to barf up my crown.

Watching @amplevigour.bsky.social teach Mr Six wrestling. Miss Seven keeps solemnly informing him that if he taught Mr. Six tips and tricks "he [4'4"]was going to crush you [6'3"]."

Swallowed my new crown today, too amused to be mad about it.

This is nothing but what bullshit is.

It remains totally bullshit that femme people are expected to wear a fake face to look "professional". Hi, this is my face but I have painted it so you take me seriously.

Please wish me luck this morning for my first job interview in like 11 years.

What's up is snacking.

My most boomer option is we give these kids snow days for the most weaksauce storms these days. Ugh!

After my years as a kept woman, I can say working for a living is pretty disappointing come paycheck time.

"[SEVEN], STOP IT!! THAT'S HURTING MY FEELINGS!" "What?? I'm just singing Jingle Bells with my tongue out! Wheh wheh wheh wheh wheh whelh wheh whath ahw thuh thayh" Brb googling "can I get cPTSD from being annoyed".

Here's one from mine entirely without context.

Kids are currently forcing @amplevigour.bsky.social to teach axolotl preschool and college. They've already learned about pollution and now he needs to teach them ratios.

Cannot decide if my least favorite misspelling I just keep seeing is balling my eyes out or putting the baby in dippers. Balling my eyes out because I can't buy dippers.

Accidentally stuck a super sticky car phone mount to an old banana, in case you thought your day was going stupid.

I'm not sure why we don't talk about it more: pedos are so common because a lot of men are into very young women and lying about it. The significance between 17 and 18 is cultural, not biological. People suck, bring back shame.

It's the end of democracy, it's YET ANOTHER half day at school, and I need to meal plan. I guess I've got a case of the Mondays.