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@giggleaway.bsky.social
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10 months ago
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about 20 hours ago
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When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from childrenโฆ Just like the bottle says. ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐ง๐ง๐ค๐๐คฆโโ๏ธ
about 23 hours ago
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1 day ago
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1 day ago
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1 day ago
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An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face. . Chinda Ghudanpropur has denied all charges .
1 day ago
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I just found a pen at work. It must have been mine anyway because when I tried it, it was my hand writing. ๐๐๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐๏ธ๐
1 day ago
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I was just checking my home insurance policy and discovered that if someone takes my blanket in the middle of the night, Iโm not covered. ๐โโ๏ธ๐ ๐๐๏ธ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
3 days ago
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To save money on a coffin, buy a pen from Amazon and use the box it came in. ๐๐ฆ๐
3 days ago
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3 days ago
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Next door's baby was crying really loud at 4 o'clock this morning. I couldn't hear myself drill... ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐ถ๐ค๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
4 days ago
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4 days ago
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I bought one of those 'Smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me. So, I exchanged it for a 'Dimmer' switch. ๐๐๏ธ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
4 days ago
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Some thieving bastard has stolen my wife's underwear from the washing line ๐ก whoever it is, you can keep the underwear, I just want the 30 pegs back!
4 days ago
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The man who took British Airways to court over his missing luggage, has lost his case! ๐โโ๏ธ๐งณโ๏ธ๐๐ฌ๐๐คฆโโ๏ธ
4 days ago
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
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My neighbour accused me of throwing 20 black bin liners in her garden... I said: "That's rubbish". ๐โโ๏ธ๐ก๐๏ธ๐ค๐ฎ๐ ๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
5 days ago
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Last night I said, in my sleep, "I love them scrambled!" But later I shouted, "no - actually I prefer them poached!" I went from one eggs dream to another. ๐ณ๐๐ฅ
5 days ago
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
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Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" ๐ซ๐๐๐๐๐๐งณ๐ ๐ฌ
6 days ago
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If anyone wants a new chimney I've got one. No charge, it's on the houseโฆ
6 days ago
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
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Bought some telescopic ladders gonna take them back โฆ canโt see a thing with them
6 days ago
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6 days ago
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So I went into hardware store this afternoon and asked for some nails. The assistant asked: "How long do you want them?โ I said: โI want to keep themโ. ๐ฌ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐ค๐
6 days ago
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Took my goldfish to the vets today.. Vet: โWhat's the matter with himโ? Me: โHe has trouble breathingโ Vet: โLooks ok to meโ Me: โI haven't took him out of the bowl yetโ! ๐ฉบ๐จโโ๏ธ๐ก๐๐ฅ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ๐ฉป
6 days ago
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I got a job working as a cuckoo in a huge cuckoo clock. It's pretty boring, but at least it gets me out of the house! ๐ก๐โโ๏ธ๐๐ฐ๏ธ๐๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ๐ฆ
6 days ago
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My relatives are all qualified police marksman apart from my Grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently surounded by all his family. ๐โโ๏ธ๐ฎ๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐ด๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐ฎ๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
6 days ago
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A pizza shop worker has been found dead. Weirdly his body was found covered with neatly arranged slices of ham and pineapple on it. However the police insist he "topped himself."
6 days ago
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My mate hates it when someone make jokes about his weight. I told him that he needs to lighten up. ๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐๐๐ค๐๐ปโโ๏ธ
6 days ago
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I was rudely awoken with a bad hangover by my neighbour mowing his lawn this morning. I was going to get up and have words with him but I was too tired, so I decided he could mow around me instead. ๐ก๐โโ๏ธ๐๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ๐
6 days ago
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This morning I saw this fella dragging a clam on a leash behind him. I thought it must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel. ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
6 days ago
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So I went down to the local supermarket today and I said: "I want to make a complaint - this vinegar's got lumps in it." The lady said: โThose are pickled onions". ๐๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ซ
6 days ago
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Lady: "Is this my train?" Station Master: "No, it belongs to the railway company." Lady: "Donโt try to be funny. I mean can I take this train to London Bridge." Station Master: "No Madam, Iโm afraid itโs too heavyโ. ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐๐๐คฆโโ๏ธ
9 days ago
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I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it: โJehovah's Fitness" ๐๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ช๐๐๐๐คธโโ๏ธ๐
10 days ago
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
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10 days ago
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This fella stole a joint of beef from Tesco this morning and as he dashed out the security guard shouted: โOii.. what are you doing with that?โ The man shouted back: โRoast spuds, Yorkshire pudding and carrots!!โ ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐ฅ๐ฅฉ๐ฅ๐๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
10 days ago
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I told a smoker that cigarettes are bad for his lungs. He asked what the point of dying with healthy lungs would be.
12 days ago
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12 days ago
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I couldnโt sleep until I got done sanding my chess pieces, so I stayed up 48 hours straight making them smooth. I had a couple rough knights. โ๏ธ๐ตโ๐ซโ๏ธ
13 days ago
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I thought I broke my ankle last night when I tripped over a box of Kleenex, but the doctor said it's only tissue damage. ๐จโโ๏ธ๐คค๐ฉป
13 days ago
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