This made me chuckle 😃

@nomagaallowed.bsky.social always Trump he is a genius

I had a fight with Batman and I hit him with a teapot and said: “T'pau!” He said: “Don’t you mean Kapow!” I said: “No, I had China in my hand”. 😗😉🤗

Paddy finds a mirror in the street, looks in it, and says, "Blimey, I know that face from somewhere!" Murphy grabs it, looks in, and says, "You idiot, Paddy, it's me!" 🪞💁‍♂️🙆🏻‍♂️🙄🤦🏻‍♂️🪞

A shop assistant fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head. 🙆‍♀️🏪🤑🛒🤦🏻‍♂️

...Fuk me l've just seen 2 deaf Lesbians walkin down the road, with their hands down each other's knickers... I think they were Lip Reading.

The little shit next door has just challenged me to a water fight. He thinks I've chickened out but I’m just waiting for the kettle to boil 😂

My friend Phillip had his lip removed last week. Now we just call him Phil.

So I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate, "I'm stuck on this one: "trapped on a desert island," eight letters, starting with M." He said "It’s Marooned." I said "oh ok, I'll have a pint of lager then please!" 👍😁

I forgot to pay my monthly Scrabble Club subscription.. Now they're sending me threatening letters. 🔡🫣🔠

A woman got stopped in a supermarket today for buying 10kg of ice cream, 31 tins of fruit, 3 boxes of wafers and 3 litres of raspberry sauce..... the security guard accused her of unnecessary stockpiling. He said: “You have enough ingredients in your trolley for a month of sundaes”. 🍧🍓👮🍒🤗🍇🤦‍♀️🍊🍨

My girlfriend laughed when I told her I was building a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta. 🙆‍♀️🏎️🤗🍝🤦‍♀️

I pulled a fairground bird at the pub last night, she asked me did I want to go back to her’s for a good time…she wasn’t kidding I went on the dodgems, waltzers, ghost train and came home with a fucking goldfish.

I tried counting sheep to get to sleep last night. I got to 500 then lost interest so went back home and got into bed. 🐏🐑🛌🤦‍♀️😙😴🤗🙆‍♀️🐏🐑

Just had a detective knock on my door saying he was looking for a man with one eye. I told him if he used both he'd probably find him a lot quicker. 🏠😗🕵️‍♀️😁🏡