Trump is literally paying damages for SA and the media is covering his latest McDonald's order. We are in the Bad Place.

E. Jean Carroll: *wins in court, proves Trump raped her, gets $5.6 million from Trump* The news: “Anyway, here's what Trump said about his golf game” Make it make sense.

A jury said Trump did it. A judge said it was rape. Trump paid her millions. And we're still calling them 'allegations' in headlines.

The line of MAGA/incel men that want me to stomp on them is apparently very long.

Theory: the GOP is just 50 guys sharing one working circulatory system and its powered by big pharma and Russia. The science checks out, don’t @ me

Ok but what if Trump’s Thursday announcement really IS him running for dictator. Like unironically. Do we have a protocol for that or are we just… vibes-ing it?

Trump’s “important announcement on Thursday” is giving major “we need to talk” energy and I do NOT have the emotional capacity for this

The way I’m more stressed about what Trump’s gonna say Thursday than I am about my own future 🤡

Mitch McConnell’s approval rating been at room temperature longer than he has

The government really said “we have the technology to keep him going” and chose to use it on THAT man. Priorities are cooked.

They’re gonna announce Mitch McConnell died in 2026 and the timestamp will be like 'actually he passed peacefully in his sleep... in March 2023'

“He was tricked!” Oh, sweetie… He clicked ‘confirm purchase’ 3 times. If anything, he was on a mission.

Time to find more of my people 👀 – I believe that thinking we all deserve basic human rights shouldn’t be a hot take – I’m radical leftist scum, aka RLS – I’m pan and demi 🏳️‍🌈 – I am a proud OF creator – I love being a nerd and gamer – If you say you’re not political, that’s A BIG RED FLAG 🚩

REMINDER: DON’T FORGET THE EPSTEIN FILES

Looking like everyone else is the fastest way to become invisible. Unless that’s what you want, I do not recommend.

SO I FINALLY TALKED TO MY GYM CRUSH TODAY AND I CAN’T TELL HOW IT WENT

Trump says he will speak to the U.S. on Thursday at 9pm… I know what we’re all hoping, but we’d never get news like that in this timeline 😮‍💨

The Epstein files get more protection than most women EVER will.

Half my digital footprint is me bullying incels, and the other half is my noodles… And I wouldn’t have it any other way 💁‍♀️

The President’s health is crashing. But not fast enough.

20 FBI agents were seen by NBC today at Lindsey Graham's house, and they continue to investigate his death out of an "abundance of caution”

Lindsey Graham + Ladybugs = I AM FOREVER HAUNTED

Some of you are waaaaay too comfortable being loud and incorrect simultaneously…

I’m horny, but for hugs. Who’s dealing?

Carbs: *exist* Diet culture: "And I took that personally"

Monogamy, in THIS economy???

Polyamory, but for being able to afford the rent.

The “I’ll just watch one video” to “why is the sun already rising” pipeline

There should be an algorithm-based dating app that just scrapes your Social Media and matches you accordingly. Nerdy feminists, watch out for meeee 😏

Even digital crumbs feel like a feast when you’re starving for their attention

No, I’m not “too much”. You’re just used to women shrinking themselves so you can ‘feel like a man’. Grow up.

I want ‘Brief and Sudden Illness’ to run for office

My gym crush should hopefully be back at the gym tomorrow after 3 weeks away… How do I tell him in a non-creepy way that I don’t like edging, and I haven’t broken a single PR whilst he was gone?

This is how I look as a cartoon character. Your turn.

Connor McGregor raped a woman so badly she had to have her tampon surgically removed. Fuck him and his supporters.

Hot and weird is TOP TIER.

Life hack: you won't have to worry about being investigated for corruption if you don't take bribes 🫶

RIP Lindsey Graham. He finally found a way to get out of answering whether he'd endorse Trump. Took him three election cycles to figure out the exit strategy.

Lindsey Graham dying before the midterms is actually terrible timing for Republicans. Now they have to find someone else to go on TV every Sunday to say 'Let me be clear' before explaining nothing.

Anyone who says they feel bad for Connor McGregor should put themselves in the bin, NOW.

A red flag in leggings would fix me tbh 🤔

The greatest compliment that a man can give me? That I scare him, and turn him on. In no particular order.

Me today be like:

How many crushes is the normal amount? I currently have 4, and they’re all from my gym. 4/4 attendance are my PR days 💁‍♀️

My advice? Stop trying to be universally attractive. Be so specific that half the room is obsessed and the other half is… perturbed.

Carbs have the worst PR team in history.

This is a bread appreciation post. That is all.

The internet is convinced attractive people have unlimited options. Most of us just have unlimited low-effort "hey” or “hi” DMs

Not me explaining to my American subs that I live in a functioning democracy, while their country debates whether facts are real… I am not smarter, I am simply less brainwashed. The bar is underground.

When she’s a 10 but she needs you to be OBSESSED with her. I’m she.