live alien performance (impr)

schedule (impr)

i always check my candy after i buy it at the store to make sure it wasn’t packaged with razors inside

oil spills are actually pretty good for fish cause the oil protects the water from catching on fire

not sure why the carmax near me is so popular but i always see tons of people parked there

people who grow up in radioactive fallout actually tend to be less allergic to radiation

do you pour your cereal into the milk carton or your milk into the cereal box

i’m the Champion of missed opportunities. show me an opportunity and i’ll be there to miss it

in the event of an emergency, your exits will be through heaven or hell

hi