President Nelson passed away the same week the lesson manual had us learn about how the quorums of the Church are structured and I have to say, I think the Church Correlation Department has taken things too far. #LDS

Oh, to be as loose as this goose.

I'm working on getting my local library to include tools in their catalog. We're probably going to start small with mostly hand tools, but what sorts of things would you find useful to check out from the library? Carpet cleaner? Pocket hole jig? Clamps? Moving dolly? Give me feedback!

If you're wondering how much of a curmudgeon I am, I just emailed a company about their misuse of the word "it's" in a notification they sent me.

As a nervous driver with sweaty hands, it is not enough to have air vents pointing toward the steering wheel; I need a steering wheel made out of an air hockey table.

Somewhere at the Tan People Hall of Fame, George Hamilton is arguing that Donald Trump's record should have an asterisk next to it.

A hot dog cart called "Get That Dog in You," and next to it is a dessert cart called "Got That Dog in Me" where you get a discount if you've ordered from the hot dog cart. Also they sell loose TUMS.

Marty just referred to a pair of tongs as "Chicken Grabbers 2000." Never change, Marty.

Home sick with a cold, contemplating starting my annual viewing of You've Got Mail:

Just started Taskmaster NZ series 4, and I cannot be convinced that Mel's dress isn't made out of fizzy belts.

finished in time for game day, let's go ducks

Going through a difficult time right now, which is to say, all my go-to hair ties are stretched out and I'm being forced to break in a new batch.

First day of school tomorrow, and the goose is dressed for academic success.

Sam, as I help him take apart the lawnmower on a Friday night: Is this how you pictured married life? Me: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Republicans in Congress seem to think defunding public broadcasting is trimming the fat, when in actuality they're cutting into the bone.

Sam to himself just now: I am DOMINATING...this puzzle book for children.

Trying to pour Cheetos into a cup and it's just getting everywhere. Might be time to invest in a Cheeto funnel.

Sam: Hard to believe it's been 13 years! me: Since...? Sam: ...2012 *Absolutely nothing significant happened in our lives in 2012

This is the future RFK wants: (Please note: The photo on the RIGHT is what I usually look like. The photo on the LEFT is me riddled with disease.)

The face of a woman who ends up having to go to an emergency clinic every time she vacations in Idaho:

Sam is trying to get through all our apples before we go on vacation and has calculated that we need to be eating three apples a day as a family, but I am unable to contribute to that quota because it conflicts with a prior commitment on my part to finish an entire watermelon in the next few days.

I really want to open a tool library/maker space and I'm starting to think the easiest path might be to get elected president, because then I'd be guaranteed a presidential library after leaving office.

Marty made a camera out of paper, "took" my picture, and then "developed" it.

It turns out my goose is a Tennessee sports fan. Go Vols!

Me: Does this fan have three speeds or four? Sam: Four. If you consider "off" a speed. Me (narrowing my eyes): Are you fan-splaining to me?

I told Sam I needed his laundry basket so I could sort the laundry, then realized it was already sorted. Me: I don't need your basket. Sam: I should like to know you have it all the same.

The Joann Fabrics near me is at the point where they're selling off fixtures, so I snagged myself this display shelf, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. It has room for all my fabric, dyes, patterns, zippers, binding, ric rac, and about a million other things. And it's on casters!

Being woken up from a nap is totally bogus. Like, can't you see I'm trying to play charades with Michaelangelo from TMNT?!

Every time I take this iron supplement I can't help thinking of Rod and Todd.

I didn't think it was possible, but something has happened that has eclipsed the $1 a bag library book sale. Someone donated a bunch of yarn to the place I work, and they had no use for it, so they GAVE it to me. Eight enormous totes and five garbage bags full of yarn, all sorted by color!

We went to a library book sale yesterday, and only as I was checking out was it revealed that instead of the regular price list they were selling everything for $1 a bag! It was such a great deal that even now, almost 24 hours later, I keep randomly shouting out " $1 A BAG?!"

You may remember that I have a total of ten ghost candles hidden in plain sight in various places around the house. My nephew Ben had a lot of fun finding and then re-hiding them the last time he visited.

For our Primary activity tonight we're doing blackout poetry. Everything you don't need you cross out and what's left is read in order. (All the book pages are from old westerns.)

I think I could really enjoy gardening if it wasn't outside.

We finally sold our old house, and when the money hit our bank account yesterday we celebrated by having a light switch rave to "Sandstorm."

Curious that so called “feminists” want to be equal to men, yet they refuse to commit 96% of violent crime!

I got a heated eyelash curler (totally worth it) but I always forget to count while I'm using it, so one of these days I'm going to have a "Jo curls Meg's hair" moments.

Marty was next to me on the couch for movie night, but at some point he slipped away, leaving this perfect decoy in his place.

Last week I found our couch goose protectively draped over this baguette, with a countenance not unlike Bart and Lisa Simpson when they were asked to give up their pile of candy.

I had heard the church was rolling out open sleeve garment tops, but I feel like the real story is that they're also going to be offering dress slips as garments!

Our trip to St. Louis got off to a rocky start. As we were driving into the city there was lightning. A LOT of lightning. Then we got tornado warnings on our phones telling us to find shelter. Then it started hailing. A complete deluge of marble-sized hail as we were driving on the freeway.

Who has two thumbs and just snagged a vintage 15-drawer card catalog off Facebook marketplace?

I'm going to St. Louis for my birthday, and I saw on the map that there's a Museum of Illusions there. Their web address? moistlouis.com. MOIST LOUIS.

Someone explain to me why I opened this toddler storytime book expecting to find classic nursery rhymes and templates for flannel board stories and was met with these bizarro dinosaurs looking for their daddies.

See anything wrong with this crossword clue?

With a headline like "Three things Pope Francis should do before he dies" I really hope the article is just bucket list retirement things like "He should try his hand at watercolors" or "Everyone should see Paris before they die" or "Many older people are staying active by playing pickleball!"

liberty and safety

My Groundhog Day tradition is that in addition to watching the movie, I bust out my VHS copy to watch the three original sneak peak trailers on it for Mr. Jones, El Mariachi, and The Pickle. I have taken a solemn oath to never watch any of these three movies so as to preserve their mystique.

Eating the last of the Christmas puds.

Marty's 100th day of school was on Friday, and he was supposed to wear a shirt with 100 things on it, so we went with 100 stains.