Our city library put on a Mario tournament for Mario Day. I made this warp pipe and question block for the photo booth, and I'm very pleased with how they turned out.

Tell me why my phone leapt ahead for Daylight Saving Time, and my fit bit, which is synced to my phone, also leapt ahead, but is now seven minutes slow.

When I drop food on the floor I don't just leave it there; I kick it toward the other end of the table so I can pin it on one of the kids.

My new thing is that whenever I catch myself slouching, I take a sip of water. So it won't be long before I've transformed myself from a dehydrated hunchback into a hunchback that is constantly wetting my pants.

This morning my boss told me I have to consolidate a 19-month construction project into 10 months, and the math isn't mathing.

Just took an everything shower and moisturized head to toe. 2026 is going to be the year we moisturize, accessorize, unionize.

Well, my resolution for this year is to never stay up until midnight ever again.

Today is our 18th anniversary, which is obviously the dental floss anniversary.

Now that it's been unwrapped I can post photos of my gift to Sam. It's a retirement calendar with one circle for every day, counting down to his 65th birthday (which is 22 years away). It comes with a hole punch and all the holidays are marked.

Please enjoy my goose dressed as the ghost of Jacob Marley for Christmas.

My own sister sent me a Christmas card with glitter on it, so I'm racking my brain to try and figure out if this is revenge for wronging her in some way.

The first item on today's to-do list (check electrical) went very poorly. I flipped a breaker on and it sparked, made a loud noise, and tripped the power to the entire house. The electrician came out, opened the panel, and confirmed that "something definitely exploded in there."

We're ready for Christmas at my construction office.

My kids always have more cash than I do, so this morning when Marty was going through his wallet for book fair money I asked if I could borrow $20. He said sure and handed it over, but then asked "What are you going to spend it on?" and I was forced to admit that I needed it to buy lottery tickets.

I agree that they shouldn't dump Bush's Baked Beans on the winning coach, but that's only because I'm going to insist they fill a dunk tank instead.

Sometimes I think about quitting my job, but then Sam points out it would mean giving up my "London habit," as he calls it. I'm not going to lie, I've developed a taste for international theatre trips, which is why I'm currently at odds with my boss over how few paid vacation days we get.

This remains the most useful hack: tape a folded piece of paper below the hole you're drilling, making a pocket to catch the dust and debris.

One time in high school I went up to the second floor for English, but when it came time to go back down the stairs for my next class, my legs wouldn't let me because of how sore I was from PE. I was literally stuck at the top of a stairwell trying to maneuver down the steps without bending my legs.

Somebody called me "girl" today, and when I told them I didn't like being called "girl" they got upset.

Happy Armistice Day!

I grew up in a 10-person family, but we lived in a two-bedroom house with a semi-finished basement, so in 1999 my parents decided to add an addition onto the house. When the new foundation was poured we all made handprints in the concrete.

I offered the first trick-or-treaters that came to our house a deal: you can have the one piece of Halloween candy OR you can have all our leftover candy from Easter. I made a child very happy and unloaded all our old candy in one go.

A new pizza place called Salvo's opened up next to Aldi. They had a grand opening. An opening salvo, if you will.

I hear the position of Duke of York is now vacant. Vote for me and I promise to be completely unproblematic! I'll even hold a fun annual hill marching event!

My phone keeps showing me photos from our Japan trip two years ago and making me sad that I'm at work instead of on an international trip with my siblings as God intended.

You get your NPR name by taking your middle initial and inserting it somewhere in your first name, which is why I've been murmuring "TLAMSEN TALMSEN TAMLSEN TAMSLEN TAMSELN" to myself for 15 minutes and giggling.

I just found a split end with a split end, so it might be time for a haircut.

Tonight I'm watching the best Diane Keaton movie I own: Harry and Walter Go To New York.

Recreating a photo from three years ago of Marty eating ice cream at Dollywood.

Me, experiencing debilitating period pain: Ughh, when is science going to catch up to this? Sam: When lady scientists start carrying their weight, I guess.

I like crocheting squares, but I hate piecing squares together. And I'll never learn from the error of my ways.

Me, realizing I bought "powder fresh" deodorant instead of "shower fresh" deodorant:

President Nelson passed away the same week the lesson manual had us learn about how the quorums of the Church are structured and I have to say, I think the Church Correlation Department has taken things too far. #LDS

Oh, to be as loose as this goose.

I'm working on getting my local library to include tools in their catalog. We're probably going to start small with mostly hand tools, but what sorts of things would you find useful to check out from the library? Carpet cleaner? Pocket hole jig? Clamps? Moving dolly? Give me feedback!

If you're wondering how much of a curmudgeon I am, I just emailed a company about their misuse of the word "it's" in a notification they sent me.

As a nervous driver with sweaty hands, it is not enough to have air vents pointing toward the steering wheel; I need a steering wheel made out of an air hockey table.

Somewhere at the Tan People Hall of Fame, George Hamilton is arguing that Donald Trump's record should have an asterisk next to it.

A hot dog cart called "Get That Dog in You," and next to it is a dessert cart called "Got That Dog in Me" where you get a discount if you've ordered from the hot dog cart. Also they sell loose TUMS.

Marty just referred to a pair of tongs as "Chicken Grabbers 2000." Never change, Marty.

Home sick with a cold, contemplating starting my annual viewing of You've Got Mail:

Just started Taskmaster NZ series 4, and I cannot be convinced that Mel's dress isn't made out of fizzy belts.

finished in time for game day, let's go ducks

Going through a difficult time right now, which is to say, all my go-to hair ties are stretched out and I'm being forced to break in a new batch.

First day of school tomorrow, and the goose is dressed for academic success.

Sam, as I help him take apart the lawnmower on a Friday night: Is this how you pictured married life? Me: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Republicans in Congress seem to think defunding public broadcasting is trimming the fat, when in actuality they're cutting into the bone.

Sam to himself just now: I am DOMINATING...this puzzle book for children.

Trying to pour Cheetos into a cup and it's just getting everywhere. Might be time to invest in a Cheeto funnel.

Sam: Hard to believe it's been 13 years! me: Since...? Sam: ...2012 *Absolutely nothing significant happened in our lives in 2012