Liverpool playing a Newcastle side trying to win their first trophy since the stone age, doesn't have a good case scenario.

On Sat, I'm putting on (and performing at) one of the 'Best Things To Do in Manchester This Week' (Manchester's Finest). Great acts - that I can't wait to see myself - a great venue, and a Saturday night! What better way to celebrate leaving January behind?! Info & tickets below.

That'll make him 3ft 2" then.

One of Sister Sledge singing I've got all my sisters with me when she's the only one there.

Quiet solo pint on Christnas Eve is exactly what baby Jesus would have wanted.

These keepers remind me of that one City had, who went 6 months without making a save.

Shrinking really is one of the best things on TV at the minute.

You can't have your top earners having one good game in six, so as sad as the whole Rashford situation is, I don't see any alternative.

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I'm presuming this isn't a stage name.

Did we buy Onana through a pyramid scheme?

I'm not convinced my 1-5 bet is looking too good.

Ffs. Just had Ashworth put on the back of my United shirt, too.

I don't see why showing compassion is classed as being political, to be honest.

Lot of possibly correct claims that United would struggle to sell out a stadium charging £66 a ticket. They're probably right, but even at 75% capacity, they'll still be making more than they are now. Unfortunately, that's all that will matter.

Didn't know Ed Sheersn supported Ipswich, somebody should have mentioned it.

Don't hive a fuck how old I am.

Can't wait till Ball & Boe fall out with each other. Ideally, with a big scrap on stage.

When you've got nursery at 8am but Millwall away at 3.

Absoloute banger.

I reckon The Lottery Winners play at least 3 gigs a night.

I'm staying on here till Manchester United get an official account and ruin it

Would have joined this a lot sooner if I didn't have to scroll back so far for my date of birth.