I don't know how but the Orbology woman is how we defeat ICE

A middle school class in Florence, Kentucky is making Valentines Day cards for troops overseas. This is the first time Donald Trump wished he was in the army.

David Zaslav sitting with Paul Thomas Anderson at the Golden Globes

I guarantee you their gonna put a fake cast or boot on the ICE agent that murdered that woman

ICE: Kills US citizen Trump: I'M BANNING AIRBNB FROM BUYING UP PROPERTIES HEY LOOK OVER HERE HEY YOOHOO OVER HERE

I've circled back too close to the sun

Trump just brought two illegal immigrants into America what a hypocrite

At dinner. Table next across from us is two people sharing AI videos of animals. Im gonna blow my brains out when the ball drops

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth has ordered the military to board Santa's sleigh

*Erika Kirk takes the stage* Keep it going for all the other widows you've seen tonight! *Looks at woman in the front row* And what did your husband do for work?

Gearing up for our next short film. 28 Kegs Later starring Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. My co-writer/co-director Zach Reinert and I are raising funds. Hit me up if you want to be an investor 😈

If Trump bombs Venezuela tonight then he defintely gave Bill Clinton a sloppy toppy gawk gawk 3000

"This is getting blown out of proportion"- Trump

Dick Cheney isn't even in the ground and Lynne Cheney has already been seen hugging JD Vance

The Supreme Court will decide on if marijuana users can own guns. When reached for comment, the NRA said "Every American has the right to bong arms."

Michigan police are adding AI audio translation to body cameras. They'll finally know how to say "Please don't kill my dog" in over 50 languages.

RFK Jr. said that being circumcised is linked to autism. Which makes sense cause turtlenecks give me sensory overload

Diddy has requested that he serve the remainder of his sentence at Fort Dix. This is due to the lack of room at Guantanahole.

31 Days of Contemporary(ish) horror, night 1. This directorial debut from Chris Nash is a refreshing entry to the slasher genre. In A Violent Nature reinvents the game that'll leave you with a little pang in your heart while also showing you one of the most inventive kills on screen in recent years

Got fired cause the far right contacted my employer about my Jane Goodall joke. All I said was her pussy so wet she slipped and broke her neck.

All I gathered from Pete Hegseth's speech is he only wants men who make him hard in the military

If Tylenol causes autism im terrified to find out what those Flinstones vitamins lead to

It's an honor to announce that our short film Party Demon will be playing at the 48th annual Denver Film Festival! We will be playing during the Colorado Spotlight block. I'm so proud of our cast and crew and can't wait to screen this at this awesome festival. #DFF48 #denverfilmfestival

My first episode as producer for The Past Times drops today at 6pm pacfic on youtube! Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds read an old newspaper to comedian Matt Braunger! LFG

America loves re-making foreign films with American actors. I just didn't think they would do it with a documentary about 1930's Germany.

Fox News: Lets use lethal injection on the homeless Conservatives: Jimmy Kimmel said mean things about a white supremacist, fire him

The FBI Director should be able to find Waldo in 3 minutes before he starts every day. If he doesn't he's fired.

My brother really won't talk to me anymore over a Mormon soaking joke

All I did was write a joke about a Mormon being so traumatized after seeing an execution that they had to put their hard penis into a vagina while a friend jumped up and down on the bed to trick God into thinking they weren't having sex. And someone had the GALL to say I have no decency?

Imagine telling someone in 2011 that podcasters would get sniped in the future

9/11 must make Trump horny because this man strokin'

Why is the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd so upset today about memes?

V funny that flags were already gonna be at half mast tomorrow for 9/11

Lots of trauma soaking going to go down tonight at that Utah college

Proof of life

Happy to announce that our short film Party Demon won Best Comedy Film at the Remember the Future World Film Festival in Cannes. So proud of our cast and crew for bringing our ridiculous story to life. 12 Festivals, 2 awards and 2 additional nominations so far

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged. Sources say Taylor will take a private jet down the aisle

Our short film Party Demon is an official selection for the 2025 Chicago Horror Film Festival! We have now been accepted into 12 festivals

Party Demon has been accepted into the Reel Horrors Film Fest at the Colorado Festival of Horror! We will be playing September 12th! Festival number 10!

Weird way to announce who's on the Epstein list with him

I'm deploying the National Guard to D.C. to distract my wife from the fact that I forgot to do the dishes

Governor Greg Abbott ordered the arrest of absent Texas House Democrats but sources say he doesn't have a leg to stand on

It is reported that the justice department has redacted Trump's name from the Epstein files with black ink. It's the closest Trump has ever been to a black person

The new Presidential Fitness test is just dodging accusations of being a pedophile

RFK Jr is under fire after photos of him hanging out with Epstein have been released. RFK Jr said that he never went to Epstein's Island because it "Didn't have a zoo"

A new Air Bud movie will be released in theaters next year. "Not if I have anything to say about it" said Kristi Noem.

It was revealed that former president Bill Clinton also sent Epstein a birthday card. Sources say it took so long to find it because it was stuck to another card

BREAKING: Hulk Hogan has passed away at the age of 71. Holes in drywall will be at half-mast until further notice

Trump: Epstein list was a hoax, I wasn't friends with him WSJ: Trump sent Epstein a b-day card Trump: Obama started Russia gate WSJ: DOJ told Trump he was in Epstein files Trump: Obama is Epstein