Construction on the Moe Tower has hit a serious roadblock this year. Apparently Californian law dictates that you are not allowed to import construction homunculi from the homunculi planet. I’m gonna have to start making a lot more clones.

Every night I burn an effigy of Jimmy Fallon with the hopes that it will eventually burn him up voodoo style

The government wants to make it illegal to eat sand because it lets you see the Pattern more clearly

This Yom Kippur I expect all of you to beg me for forgiveness for your crimes of not liking my posts

I’m like the male Ellen

I am NOT a CHUD! Must I scream it from the rooftops? If you call me a chud, I will know, and there will be no light for you anymore

Thank you to all who showed their support to my niece last Friday where she dehorned a rhino. This Friday you should all tune in again. She will be resurrecting the rhino and adding sick ass steampunk armor and bio-upgrades to the rhino carcass. This shit’s gonna look so fire 🔥

My uncle Frank has just started his own YouTube channel where he will be reviewing “yummy foods and the USS Liberty Incident” (his exact words) Please subscribe to his channel and watch his first video (below) If you do not subscribe, your name will be added to a list, and not one of my fun ones

I’m in love with a 98 year old wench named “Cindelia”. She’s the heiress to 57% of the water and 78% of the oil in California If I can pop a ring on that finger before the shivers take her, I’d be fucking set for this lifetime and at least 3 more after that

No one on Facebook marketplace wants to buy my $16,000 Joe Biden prosthetics. Most of the skin is even made from authentic Joe Biden leather. This is bullshit man.

Just finished constructing the Meat Mountain. Time to slap on some skis and shred the fucking gnar outta this bitch

“Hey” is for horses, and horses are for me 😋

The source code for this universe says that I’m East African and I don’t know who to contact to get this corrected

By my calculations your life should be 100% smith jack sessions by 2038

Every morning a let a colony of mice crawl into my mouth to clean all the night slime off my teeth

As of this exact moment, there are: Frogs Frogs Frogs in my house Frogs Frogs Frogs in my house

Please tune into my nieces twitch stream tomorrow evening. She will be teaching everyone how to de-horn a white rhino.

Spent yet another night crying, jacking off, and listening to The Smiths.

I’m petitioning the Supreme Court of California to grant me a license to kill. The goatmen keep harassing me and the useless LAPD won’t do anything about it so I’m forced to take matters into my own hands Pictured below is a goatman after he killed my nephew Billy “The Big Stink” Ottis

I hope the angels come. My freezer is running dangerously low on Holy Meat

When I see a worm I smile 😀

Before I moved to Burbank, I had to go into hiding for a few weeks after I killed 17 HOA board members in my last neighborhood. I will always bring a healthy balance of good and evil to this world, this is why god put me here.

Bald people are ruining my life

Group suicide is actually a great team building activity, but none of the coaches at the NFL were willing to hear me out

I’m the only one that knows about the sixth type of Chinese person

I told Shawty to speak a little SpongeBob to me

I’m feeing like Baron Harkonnen

JUST GOT A MEGAPHONE BECUASE MY OPINION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHERS

It’s an Andy Dufresne kinda day

Yellow Rosa Parks?

Im feeling like the white Rosa Parks

Feeling like doing some rat activities tonight.

I saw my face on the Moon last night

My father’s friend, nicknamed “Goon Man” (never knew his real name), called me “the little temptress” when I was 8 years old. He was killed in a rockslide while climbing in the Andes. Since that day, I have known the greatest peace that any man has ever felt.

I worked as a barber for about a week back in 2014. I got fired because I kept stabbing people in the eyes with my big scissors. There was this one day who seemed overwhelmed by euphoria after I did it and he gave me a 95% tip. He was a fucking freak

I can make a white bitch do the crab walk

Gonna go “Frog Mode” today. Not elaborating on what that means, I want it to be a fun surprise for all the strangers who encounter it

Gorging myself on Aunt Krodelia’s bouncin’ mysterious meat bites. You pop 3 of those suckers and you’re floating with the divine angels.

The fourth dimensional Entities came back last night and stole my entire collection of rare and illegal beans. I have reason to believe the FDA was behind this as well. The time has come, I have reached my limit. The Moe-bots have their weapons set to “Total Obliteration”

Moe Clone 667-D has announced he got a job at the Burbank cheese sandwich factory over the Moe Laboratory PA system. Not sure if this will impact productivity in the work place.

Shawty hit the brown note and I FREAKED IT

Just saw a homeless wench give birth to a goat. Now that’s the kind of courage you won’t see reported on in the woke liberal media

Last man who called me a “tall drink of water” ended up with his knees where his teeth used to be

First person to calculate the amount of Italian children who have died due to my presence wins a free iPad.

Today I’m celebrating 1 month sober from ketamine, and 35 seconds sober from a tall glass of warm milk.

Got the milk cramps again

I am the Patron Saint of Tennessee and unlicensed tattoo parlors

Thank you all so much for tuning into my nieces twitch stream last night. She had an amazing time making a meat puppet of Netanyahu. We’re not sure what she will do with it next stream but I can assure you, it may lead to a severe alteration in the path of this world! ❤️

I got circumcised with a bus ticket in the supply room of a White Castle

IT HAPPENED AGAIN!