HAHA THIS IS GREAT! [Is of course what he says before he's swung around. It's fun the first few times but he's quickly getting dizzy] Buh. Ugh. Oh god... ... Let's go fight your son!

Oh!! You could use me as a sword to spar with! Then we can still play together!!

Hmmm...I'm not sure how to make you laugh either. You don't seem to think my stories are funny and most of my jokes too for that that matter... [The stick curls in on itself as it thinks]

It's so much fun! You should try it too! I bet a good laugh will take a hundred years off your face!

She slough on my knough til I cough

Yesssss. Avenge the baklava

I've hired children to throw rocks at Sadik

How dare he do this. On the ides of March and everything

Bah, you kids are no funnnn [He huffs, pouting like a child. Grown ass man] I guess it is a bad idea to go up against a viking country alone though

Even a small, well trained army can overpower a massive incompetent one. You just need a good tactician and allies. [His fierce eyes have memories flash behind them, his smile growing wider] That plus a harsh landscape? Easy victory. He's gone soft too

HAHA! Smart boy, using your geology to your advantage! Maybe when you get bigger you can take something of his for yourself

My apologies! Good for you for fighting that out of him! He's pretty damn strong from what I remember. How'd you do it? I heard from my grandson you have some volcanoes, did you throw his armies into one? Unleash hellfire and magma onto his ships? Torch his capital?

Welcomed? Ah! So you must be one of Yao's newest territories then! It might be a little bit rough getting used to being conquered but you'll get used to it eventually. There's a lot less stress! You could go fishing!

Si, si, Yao was always very good about being thoughtful. So it's less a wish and more like an offering? Not as fun but I guess that's more feasible, there's not a lot of magicians or genies or whatever around. But what's the point in getting a bunch of them?

I mean, if I got a bunch I would be happily telling people. Wouldn't you? What's so exciting about an envelope? Is there a letter inside? Oh! Oh! Or a wish! Are these magic envelopes?

Oh! Ohhhh. That must be a new thing. I thought you were talking about pυssy!

Ehhh ok let's start over. What is it that you are calling a red envelope?

Ehh...what? Uhhh I think Arman used to use the word "kunta" and I think someone in his family made it up but I can't remember...that's probably the oldest word for it, right?

Is that what the kids are calling them these days? A little graphic don't you think...

My horse girls are getting a movie 💃

Merda what I'd do for a baklava right now

[One minute he's enjoying an apple after breaking into his grandson's house, the next he's in someplace completely different. Was this thing booby trapped?! Did he clip through the floor? He drops the fruit in his hand just in case it's been tainted...on the other hand it did taste pretty good.

For what?

Tch. Sounds like one of my exes

I can't believe the world has come to this. Germania's brave little boy has grown up to be afraid of a statue

When did all these different types of fruit appear

This is why we never played art exchange when we were bored

(( Yes Paullus is very short compared to people nowadays but I feel like he's got a mountain lion thing going on where he's got big fuckin MITTS along with being jacked

Point to the car then. I'm sure I can do any you choose. [He is thinking they weigh significantly less than a horse. Surely there's no way something that heavy can be that fast on land]

Hehe. And what do you have in mind, cerbiatta? A cow, a horse? Perhaps one of those loud scary carts people get into? [He grins wolfishly at her. Heh. Old man's still got it]

[Luckily for her, he likes to show off. The big ham. He immediately starts doing several bodybuilding poses like Johnny Bravo] Convinced yet?

Can you not see? I'm quite fit! I could run circles around you modern people even as a creaky old man

"If"

Oh. Oh my god. They found it. That statue I hid from my tutors then lost

You all are very excited about a baby's birthday party

-gchk! PFFFT HAHAHAHA! Wow I did not expect you to say "my meat"! Ahh, that's incredible. Well good for you! I don't know how you did it. But you aren't taming me anytime soon

My meat is like Aldrich, it is my greatest foe but also my greatest friend

All men try beating their meat, but few succeed in defeating it

Can I have the wolves when they're done

(( I didn't realize today was Saturnalia, I would've prepared something better oops

Io Saturnalia! Everyone come over for the feast and weapons sacrifice tonight!

Ah, that kid's lucky. Yao's buns are so delicious. And his stir fry. And the hotpot 🤤

(( BRAZIL IS CANON

[He doesn't know how to text properly but somehow he can operate the horsey game. He's humming along to the cutesy songs, proud of his girls for doing so well in their races]

Why are we beating the little boy

Oh my god

A meat tornado sounds incredible

How dare you insult a horse

Baklava...

Is sucking dick seen as shameful with modern people?