Happy winter solstice Light a candle while whispering “Billie Eilish Boomerang Idol” to manifest your intentions of going full tilt boogie in the new year

My kid saw a bottle of Chambord and referred to it as “the king’s buzzball” and I may never recover

When @houseofdarkly.bsky.social is your secret santa, you win BIG TIME

Hey, sending love to anyone that’s feeling a little bit or a lotta bit sad about all of this. This year has been pretty relentless so let’s just keep being there for each other

Everyday at my kids’ school, there’s a kid at pickup, carrying a whiteboard that ruins the Wordle word of the day, and this kid is now my favorite kid

Y’all I got nominated for a golden globe in the category of “sent my manager my end of the year updated casting info” Jk I haven’t done that and will forget until repeatedly reminded

Simply thrilled to be entering my “please be patient with me” era

my kid: do you ever think about how in a sitcom when one of the characters is talking about an actor in the real world, they are saying that they are in a reality where the ACTOR playing the CHARACTER does not exist? me: (now always thinking about this)

Just watched my kid retrieve a frozen peanut butter cup that he put in the freezer from his Halloween candy, cut it in half, and then put the halves in the middle of a vanilla ice cream sandwich. Hello, sharks…

the moon is beautiful tonight, gorgeous, glowing, I’m in awe and have to pull over my car to capture a picture of nature in all of its celestial glory the picture:

NEW COOKIES JUST DROPPED ON NYTIMESCOOKING ONE OF THEM HAS POPCORN AND GUMMY CANDY IN IT ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE SLICED LUNCHMEAT WE ARE CRASHING INTO 2026 LIKE A CAR ON FIRE

me: Slipknot wears masks? my husband: how did you not know this?? me: I’ve never seen them my husband: how?? me: I’ve only seen Slipnutz my husband: unbelievable me: I’m being serious my husband: I never doubted that for a second

I keep seeing TikToks promoting 4 things you can start doing now to be “unrecognizable” by January 1, but not a single one of those things is a Face/Off

goddamn it, the chair company. I love you.

the subtext at Zoolights is wild

I love when a movie is filmed in Chicago so I can repeatedly point and yell “oh yeah that’s Chicago”

shoutout to stuffing for being up there with French toast as top tier wet breads

Squibb Game ™️

That child at the Thanksgiving Day parade telling Al Roker, who asked her if she liked The Rockettes when being gifted tickets to see them tomorrow, that she “yes, saw them yesterday” has MADE MY WEEK

Please tell me this man just said beanboozled ™️ at tribal council And Jeff was so close to dropping a “m’lady” in his cut to commercial sign up for Survivor pitch What a night

Found this tank top and now I want to be on a reality show with this written as my lower third

Watching Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka with my kid and I had forgotten about this absolute legend

“Become a star poopil at Shitz” DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYONE’S JOB FOR THEM

My kid told me that other kids were yelling at her after their team lost a basketball game in gym class. I told her next time that happens, she should yell “oh god I’m a time traveler and I just got here what’s happening???” Just wondering if that’s good advice or GREAT ADVICE

Looking forward to losing roles to cheese

I’m great why do you ask

Saw a cheese advent calendar and thought why haven’t we just made a meal advent calendar and oh shit isn’t that just blue apron

Anyone else on the side of TikTok where women are telling them that they are eating beans wrong? Because that’s where I am They say it’s going to fix my life except I’m eating them incorrectly Will follow up when I’ve unlocked the bean secret

Going to PAX Unplugged? Me too. And I’m hosting this panel on Saturday with @brookebreit.bsky.social! Swing by, it’ll be fun.

Between Pluribus and The Chair Company… my brilliant, weird, intense show cup runneth over. I look forward to each damn episode SO MUCH

I’ll be at #PAXUnplugged next week! Very excited to play some games. Let me know if you will also be there 😎

Picking up where we left off a month ago and trying to finish Lorelei and the Laser Eyes tonight! (And if we do, we’ll do something else!!) Come hang out at twitch.tv/brookebreit

Tonight’s Survivor episode 🤝 Doominate’s resident bad boy

Happy to declare that PLURIBUS has joined BONES and LEVERAGE in the lexicon of tv show names that my husband and I enjoy saying aloud to each other with no context

My family just watched Now You See Me and now we are all yelling at each other. My husband is screaming THE MIRROR REFLECTS THE ROOM AND NOT THE PEOPLE and now the dog is upset

The back right pocket of my jeans has completely detached at the bottom which means my phone now hits the floor at least 20 times a day (Because there’s no way I’ll remember to put that sucker on my non-dominant butt cheek)

My hilarious friend Joey Bland was so gracious to ask me to compete on his amazing podcast. It’s quick and fun and you might learn something?? podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/l...

Got this in the mail and it took me TOO LONG to realize it was NOT a turkey in a bikini

good morning!

my kid: what’s that? me: pain medicine my kid: medicine… THAT GIVES YOU PAIN???

this year’s pumpkins 🎃

Starting the new season of British Bake Off, and I was not emotionally prepared for the amount of hands slapping oozing cake situations I witnessed in that first episode

Attempting to finally finish Lorelei and the Laser Eyes (damn it’s a good game) Come hang and help figure out these damn puzzles at twitch.tv/brookebreit

Pro acting tip: make sure you give them a Bigfoot sighting thumbnail shot in your audition. They’ll be like WHO IS SHE

Tried making “shortbread spoons” It went “ok”

If you haven’t already, please wishlist The Jackbox Party Pack 11 on Steam!

Very excited to play a game that looks VERY WEIRD. Come hang out and play Blippo+ with me Twitch.tv/brookebreit

hey we can’t really deal with this right now, could this wait?

I was at a school tour this weekend where during a large presentation, the computer projecting a slideshow of stats and school pics accidentally started sharing all of the personal photos of the person who owned the laptop and it was like an early 2000s comedy fever dream and INCREDIBLE

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