Y’all I just found out that a grocery store in my neighborhood turned into a nightclub both nights this weekend THINGS ARE LOOKING UP

Strip Law is so damn funny. The bits hit HARD I would also like to inject the opening theme song into mah veins thank you

Don’t worry, I found something to hold your Crabernet

Many years ago, my partner and I found out that all of our neighbors were trying to figure out why we had such odd hours, often coming home late in the night They were disappointed to find out we were improv comedians and NOT DOCTORS (they thought we were doctors lol)

I both love and hate that my smoke alarm just said hi to me after I changed its batteries

somewhere there’s an improv group adding BILLIE EILISH BOOMERANG IDOL to their complicated zip zap zop warm up

One day, the sons will inherit the mumford

Finally got to Del Sur (Filipino meets Midwestern bakery in Chicago) early enough to beat the lines and omg

Happy Valentimes! Brought to you by Members Only jackets and Psyduck mango puddings

How did I not realize that Joan of Arc in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure is Jane Wiedlin from The Go-Gos?

Looking up the expiration date of these candy hearts on my pager

I want a TedTalk about the Bob’s Burgers team’s approach to pun creation/exploration. Please tell me in detail about the process because, in my head, it feels like a mix of curated lists and random “is this a thing” moments and I want the cursed list of puns that never worked and all of it thanks

Oh mylanta

Finally finished watching The Traitors UK Season 2 and OH MY DAYS WHAT A RIDE Cannot recommend it enough. What a damn season

I’m certain someone has already thought of this, but I wanna host a Traitors brunch. You need: - long table facing the front door -staggered times for guests (loud knocking required) -big reactions when someone new arrived -not enough salmon

Found a recipe for marry me beans but it’s a real commitment

Watching the opening ceremony for the Olympics, and my kid said about the alternating announcers saying the countries in different languages… “It sounds like he’s correcting her, and she’s fighting back”

I’ve been trying to put to words why Catherine O’Hara was so special, especially to women in comedy. She wasn’t afraid to take up space with big choices. She was the center of attention without taking away from or diminishing those around her. She felt both completely real and utterly bananas at…

to be honest, some to all worries if not

Everyone keeps talking about the smoked salmon on The Traitors, but when are we going to talk about the real star of breakfast… big bowl of loose eggs

Your mom trying to remember her favorite pasta dish or her favorite evil Mario character

honestly, good for them

Alan giving us Hunger Games/Scarecrow/Flintstones realness #TheTraitorsUS

Rolling into 2026 like the poorly secured Christmas tree I saw today that gently slid off the top of the car into traffic (no one was hurt but everyone was honking)

the small excitement of a haircut before I have to try to style it myself

Alan giving Gozer the Gozerian in ep 3 of #TheTraitors

I fell off of Stranger Things in the middle of season 4 because I got (checks notes) “too scared”. my kid: are you watching Stranger Things again? me: yup my kid: at night?!? me: yes…because I’m (checks notes) “so brave now”

If the Swedish Chef is the only muppet with human hands, does that make him a cybørk-børk-børk

dry january but it’s an old sea captain giving cars a chance

My two fave things so far this year 1. Discovering Haha, You Clowns on Adult Swim 2. My kid, who just got a phone, texting me this shit

me: I’m going to read for a little bit narrator: she did not read. instead she watched a 30 min tiktok breaking down a potential finale of show she’s not even watching

Happy with my choice to binge Traitors UK today while repeatedly chanting “this is my sports” and pumping my fist in the air

I bet that turkey trot prank family was like “y’all wanna just keep Christmas kinda lowkey this year?”

Happy winter solstice Light a candle while whispering “Billie Eilish Boomerang Idol” to manifest your intentions of going full tilt boogie in the new year

My kid saw a bottle of Chambord and referred to it as “the king’s buzzball” and I may never recover

When @houseofdarkly.bsky.social is your secret santa, you win BIG TIME

Hey, sending love to anyone that’s feeling a little bit or a lotta bit sad about all of this. This year has been pretty relentless so let’s just keep being there for each other

Everyday at my kids’ school, there’s a kid at pickup, carrying a whiteboard that ruins the Wordle word of the day, and this kid is now my favorite kid

Y’all I got nominated for a golden globe in the category of “sent my manager my end of the year updated casting info” Jk I haven’t done that and will forget until repeatedly reminded

Simply thrilled to be entering my “please be patient with me” era

my kid: do you ever think about how in a sitcom when one of the characters is talking about an actor in the real world, they are saying that they are in a reality where the ACTOR playing the CHARACTER does not exist? me: (now always thinking about this)

Just watched my kid retrieve a frozen peanut butter cup that he put in the freezer from his Halloween candy, cut it in half, and then put the halves in the middle of a vanilla ice cream sandwich. Hello, sharks…

the moon is beautiful tonight, gorgeous, glowing, I’m in awe and have to pull over my car to capture a picture of nature in all of its celestial glory the picture:

NEW COOKIES JUST DROPPED ON NYTIMESCOOKING ONE OF THEM HAS POPCORN AND GUMMY CANDY IN IT ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE SLICED LUNCHMEAT WE ARE CRASHING INTO 2026 LIKE A CAR ON FIRE

me: Slipknot wears masks? my husband: how did you not know this?? me: I’ve never seen them my husband: how?? me: I’ve only seen Slipnutz my husband: unbelievable me: I’m being serious my husband: I never doubted that for a second

I keep seeing TikToks promoting 4 things you can start doing now to be “unrecognizable” by January 1, but not a single one of those things is a Face/Off

goddamn it, the chair company. I love you.

the subtext at Zoolights is wild

I love when a movie is filmed in Chicago so I can repeatedly point and yell “oh yeah that’s Chicago”

shoutout to stuffing for being up there with French toast as top tier wet breads