If Timmy doesn't appear onstage at the Oscars to present in a tutu, I don't know nothing about this business.

my heart is broken, left behind in a Chicago suburb, waiting for the one person who can make it whole again, knowing she will never return from Paris. 😢

Don’t let them focus on the circumstances of the murder of a U.S. Citizen or when they saw his gun…Make them answer what causes an ICU nurse who cared for veterans with no criminal record to risk, then GIVE his life to protect complete strangers.

I’m kinda in to this Mr. Wonderful as ageless entity of evil thing.

my husband’s at the reptile convention should be a euphemism for something

Oh, sorry, Spoiler alert. But if you haven’t seen Avatar 3 Fire and Ash yet srsly what r u doing with yr life?

Also, to be clear, loved Fire & Ash and have already forgotten most of it except for how the you’re not in Kansas anymore guy who died and is now a Navi and also Spider’s dad ?!?! was mostly on mission until he met that Navi Volcano Priestess and was dtf for the whole second half of the movie.

Help me out here, folks… If we are to read Avatar 3 Fire & Ash as a metaphor for the current moment, the whales that won’t fight because it’s against their… culture?… but then like, totally assimilate to warlike ways to preserve their… culture?… are _______?

I would have entirely different feelings about Spider if his name was anything other than Spider.

My spoiler-free review of Pluribus finale: Somewhere, someplace…Chekhov is slow-clapping.

Ironically, the report was only three words long. “Be more transparent.”

Inconceivable.

I had the honor of briefly meeting Mother Fletcher at the Centennial of the Tulsa Massacre. She devoted her life to raising awareness. Her memoir was titled “Don’t Let Them Bury My Story” and I will continue to take that literally. May she rest in peace.

his name is what now

t.co/yzd2tb5Ix8 So honored to support this incredible organization… please check out all the amazing lots as this auction raises funds to build specially designed mortgage-free homes for severely wounded veterans. Score coffee with me and you can yell at me about Prometheus IN PERSON!

You know how people leave Derry and forget everything that happened to them there but then they come back and they’re like Derry has its charms? That’s me and Avatar movies.

this new knives out looks 🔥

My rewrite... "D.C. Sandwich Guy Goes On Trial, Defense Team Says Pepper Fine, No Assault Please."

these arbys steak chunks are what pennywise would take the form of to terrorize me

Very few care more about television than I do. This guy cares FIVE TIMES as much. Great analysis, great writing, ever word honest and brutal and full of love for the medium. Please, if you can, subscribe… not as a favor to him, but to yourself. alansepinwall.ghost.io/dont-stop-be...

I’m not questioning the veracity of the official ovation timing, but have YOU ever applauded anything for more than like, two minutes? If so, WHAT ARE YOUR HANDS MADE OF STEEL JESUS CHRIST WHO CLAPS FOR TEN MINUTES?!?

me: he's moving federal troops into where now MSM: pumpkin spice latte is back

I think the city should pay downsized workers with cash in potato chip bags so they can say they were lays-offed.

In which I give flowers to my favorite show.

and a hearty fuck you to everyone who mocked my ass mirror

more like operation midnight please hammer don’t hurt ‘em.

3D chess, 4D chess, jesus does anyone actually believe he can play REGULAR chess? srsly if he knows how a knight moves I will eat my fucking shoes.

out of abundance of caution am also closing my airspace.

AMSTERDAMMMMN am I honored to protest with y’all!

you may not like it but this is what 2 high agency males look like

Seems likely that Elon only has one move here — full admission that he’s an addict, he’s checking into rehab and he didn’t mean it when he said there was proof the leader of the free world is a pedophile.

This is like in CIVIL WAR when Tony was like we should follow the Sakovia Accords and Cap was like naw bro and then Tony was like you’re a pedophile.

Not saying I'm fickle, but I just bought a cybertruck.

Your Secretary of Education, Ladies & Germs…

Mrs. Davis, still streaming on Peacock. And also, I guess, wrecking your marriage?

I first learned of this horrific (erased) history from Ta-Nehisi Coates’ stunning essay, THE CASE FOR REPARATIONS. A decade later, shunned by the federal government, Tulsa courageously takes matters into its own hands. #restoregreenwood

Sort of loving The Resistance coalescing around a message that is essentially BWAAAWK BRAAAWWWK BWWAAAWK. #tacotuesday

At LAX and all I can do is watch pilots not talking to each other. #evanescence

right, definitely NOT a moon but don’t worry I built my own Death Star and hired actors to game this shit out

Yale Professor studying irony GAINS tenure

guys this is the hottest thing ive ever seen

I love LAST OF US but I don't understand why everyone on zombie post-apocalypse shows is on a first name basis. This dude runs an army and they're like we move out at fifteen hundred hours, Isaac.

this gonna be bigger than brat summer quick someone tell Kamala

Note to my lib colleagues: Tread lightly shaming Noem for not knowing what habeas corpus means. Yes, of COURSE she should know, but many people don’t… and if you drag her, they may *feel* dragged by association. To be clear, I’m all for shaming, just shame with care. #neverforgetcricket

First Cory. Now Ras. Putting on a clinic in DEFIANCE. Never been more proud to be a Jersey Boy. Now #freeRas

The Culture: “Breastfeeding is natural, miraculous and beautiful.” Nathan Fielder: “Hold my beer.”