this new knives out looks 🔥

My rewrite... "D.C. Sandwich Guy Goes On Trial, Defense Team Says Pepper Fine, No Assault Please."

these arbys steak chunks are what pennywise would take the form of to terrorize me

Very few care more about television than I do. This guy cares FIVE TIMES as much. Great analysis, great writing, ever word honest and brutal and full of love for the medium. Please, if you can, subscribe… not as a favor to him, but to yourself. alansepinwall.ghost.io/dont-stop-be...

I’m not questioning the veracity of the official ovation timing, but have YOU ever applauded anything for more than like, two minutes? If so, WHAT ARE YOUR HANDS MADE OF STEEL JESUS CHRIST WHO CLAPS FOR TEN MINUTES?!?

me: he's moving federal troops into where now MSM: pumpkin spice latte is back

I think the city should pay downsized workers with cash in potato chip bags so they can say they were lays-offed.

In which I give flowers to my favorite show.

and a hearty fuck you to everyone who mocked my ass mirror

more like operation midnight please hammer don’t hurt ‘em.

3D chess, 4D chess, jesus does anyone actually believe he can play REGULAR chess? srsly if he knows how a knight moves I will eat my fucking shoes.

out of abundance of caution am also closing my airspace.

So grateful this (allegedly) dangerous nut job is in custody. Can someone illuminate how cops knew to go… seemingly on a hunch…? directly to the home of the suspect’s exact second target (Rep Hortman) after arriving at the crime scene of his first? (“decided to check on” below)

AMSTERDAMMMMN am I honored to protest with y’all!

you may not like it but this is what 2 high agency males look like

Seems likely that Elon only has one move here — full admission that he’s an addict, he’s checking into rehab and he didn’t mean it when he said there was proof the leader of the free world is a pedophile.

This is like in CIVIL WAR when Tony was like we should follow the Sakovia Accords and Cap was like naw bro and then Tony was like you’re a pedophile.

Not saying I'm fickle, but I just bought a cybertruck.

Your Secretary of Education, Ladies & Germs…

Mrs. Davis, still streaming on Peacock. And also, I guess, wrecking your marriage?

I first learned of this horrific (erased) history from Ta-Nehisi Coates’ stunning essay, THE CASE FOR REPARATIONS. A decade later, shunned by the federal government, Tulsa courageously takes matters into its own hands. #restoregreenwood

Sort of loving The Resistance coalescing around a message that is essentially BWAAAWK BRAAAWWWK BWWAAAWK. #tacotuesday

At LAX and all I can do is watch pilots not talking to each other. #evanescence

right, definitely NOT a moon but don’t worry I built my own Death Star and hired actors to game this shit out

Yale Professor studying irony GAINS tenure

guys this is the hottest thing ive ever seen

I love LAST OF US but I don't understand why everyone on zombie post-apocalypse shows is on a first name basis. This dude runs an army and they're like we move out at fifteen hundred hours, Isaac.

this gonna be bigger than brat summer quick someone tell Kamala

Note to my lib colleagues: Tread lightly shaming Noem for not knowing what habeas corpus means. Yes, of COURSE she should know, but many people don’t… and if you drag her, they may *feel* dragged by association. To be clear, I’m all for shaming, just shame with care. #neverforgetcricket

First Cory. Now Ras. Putting on a clinic in DEFIANCE. Never been more proud to be a Jersey Boy. Now #freeRas

The Culture: “Breastfeeding is natural, miraculous and beautiful.” Nathan Fielder: “Hold my beer.”

Threepio and Artoo are okay I guess, but I’ve never felt more compassion for a non-human than I have for the Carole Robot. #therehearsal #cockpit

Rewatch Inside Out 2 before you see Thunderbolts*. Trust me on this. Oh… and Tbolts was an absolute hoot. Didn’t realize how much I needed to vibe with existentially depressed yet scrappy Russians.

My wife is at Beyoncé, I am at Thunderbolts* and for tonight, just tonight, all is right with the world.

I traded in my Tesla. I once loved the brand, now I revile it. Even the sight of a Tesla irks me. But this morning, everything changed.

You know a movie is an all-timer when you hold your pee even though you’ve already seen it. #sinners #twiceasgoodthesecondtime

As he is portraying twins, I have taken to referring to that brilliant actor as “Michael Bees Jordan” because that’s, like, what they do with Attorneys General.

For the record, I am well aware Chris Hitchens is dead, I just thought it would be fun to imply he was still irritated by our stupidity in an afterlife he spent his life railing against.

Just learned you can google something ridiculous and put the word “meaning” after it and the A.I. will treat it like a real thing that means something and boy oh boy is Chris Hitchens gonna have a field day with this.

When I was in third grade, Danny Blair would walk up and make like he was gonna punch me and when I reacted, he yelled MADE YA FLINCH. It took me the better part of my adult life to realize he had no intention of hitting me and there was no plan post flinch. #artofthedeal

There’s a sequence in Sinners — if you know you know — that is one of the most transcendent ten minutes of sheer cinema I have EVER witnessed. And the rest of it crackles with confidence and audacious originality. Mr. Coogler, your music conjures the greats of the past, but YOU, sir, are the future.

Why Is A Dozen Twelve? The Answer Will Make You Shit Your Pants. The Reason Most Yolks are Yellow And Why You Should Go Fuck Yourself. The Reason We Dye Eggs On Easter — Oh Forget It Nothing Matters.

80s pop star Kenny Loggins has a son named Dalton. That means that right now, we are living at a time where there is a Dalton Loggins and a Walton Goggins.

its the whole commercial guys