In case you missed it, Charlie Kirk has left the GOP

If you’ve got a MAGA hat, I’ve got zero empathy. I wouldn't piss in your mouth if both of your teeth were on fire.

Kash in a cap, lookin' like crap, Cross-eyed, droolin', takin' a nap. FBI jacket but brain on delay, Another MAGA moron just slurped his day away.

There once was a bleach-blonde buffoon, Who howled at the chemtrails by noon. With a hat made of foil, And a face fit to spoil, She snacks on regret with a MAGA-spoon.

BREAKING: Felon 47 survives a full can of RAID. Scientists baffled. Exterminators requesting hazard pay. Cockroaches say, "Don’t lump us in with that thing." 🪳💀 #RAID47 #TrumpRoach #CrispyCoup

When the spray tan fades, the rug's on the dresser, and the only thing stiff is the pillowcase stain... Felon 47 sleeps peacefully knowing his cult still thinks he's a billionaire genius. #MAGAInsomnia #CheetoNap

Feeling stressed? Try the Felon 47 Voodoo Doll™ — now in Extra Whiny Orange! Every pin releases a felony, a tantrum, or a ketchup blast. It’s therapy you can stab. #TherapyWithThread #Felon47 #TheAngryCreamsicle

Trump’s new role: Liar-nocchio. Claims: 6'3", 220 lbs, totally honest. Reality: 78-year-old felon with a nose that needs its own Secret Service detail. #Felon47 #PinocchioPresidency #TheAngryCreamsicle

Ted Cruz as the Cowardly Lyin’ — fleeing from storms, spines, and truth since forever. If cowardice were currency, this guy could fund another Cancun trip. #CowardlyCruz #WizardOfFraud #TheAngryCreamsicle

Mike Lindell shook his My Piggy Bank and got nothing but dust—just like his legal defense. 😭💸 When your empire’s built on Kool-Aid and court L’s, the only thing left to fluff is your bankruptcy pillow. #MyPiggyBank #MAGAmeltdown #TheAngryCreamsicle

BREAKING: B6 spotted cosplaying as Chucky’s menopausal cousin. Claims she’s “cutting spending,” but we think she just cuts. Between the Kool-Aid curls and stitched-up sanity, she’s one pitchfork away from a Fox News horror reboot. 🎃 #B6 #GoodGuysGoneBad

🍊🎭 Felon 47 finally dressed for the job he’s applying for: maximum security performance artist. It’s not Silence of the Lambs, it’s Whimper of the Whambulance. Strapped in. Masked up. Still full of s**t. #MAGA #HannibalCheeto #OrangeYouEmbarrassed #CultLeaderCosplay

“Sir, nobody gets the block in the right hole like that.” He grinned, shoved the square peg into a round hole, and called it perfect. Cognitive test? More like a Fisher-Price felony. #Felon47 #BrainRot #CultOfStupid #SquarePegMessiah

🦴BREAKING: Scientists uncover early ancestor of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Turns out evolution took one look and said, “Nah, I’m good.” Cavewear? Check. Kneepads? Check. Cheeto beard? You already know she’s been worshippin’ Felon 47’s "snack pack." #OrangeFacedOralTradition #MarjorieTheMissingLink

If Felon 47 supporters get divorced… are they still brother and sister? Or does the family tree just grow another loop? My cousin-wife says yes. #UncleDaddy2025 #MAGAgenes #CousinstitutionalRights 👨‍🌾❤️🧬🧢

f a president can choose to ignore a unanimous 9-0 SCOTUS ruling and we just let him get away with it, America is already gone.

Ted Cruz lookin’ like Grandpa Munster dipped his face in a bag of Cheetos and crawled outta Cancun to gaslight America. Not a senator, just a low-rent Dracula with a Fox News fetish. Somebody get this man a napkin—and a damn clue. 🧛‍♂️🧀 #CountCruzula #TexasDeservesBetter

Now available: Ivanka’s Nepo Baby Formula™ — Fortified with Daddy’s Tax Breaks & 100% Entitlement Enriched. Burps self-worth, poops gold. No skills? No problem. Just add privilege & shake. #NepoBaby #KeepPrivileged #TrustFundProtein #Satire

Felon 47 bragging he "holds the cards" — buddy, they're all made in China like his merch & his loyalty to foreign banks. MAGA: All bluff, no hand. Just a bankrupt clown shuffling imported lies. #MadeInChinaMAGA #Felon47 #BiggestLoser

Baby Boohoo™ — the only doll that screams, lies, and soils itself while claiming to be a "very stable genius." Pull the string, hear the whining. Batteries not included (but indictments are). #Trump #MAGA #Cult45 #BabyBoohoo

New from Felon 47’s Mar-a-Lie-Go kitchen: Chef Boyarewe Fucked™ — now with extra indictments & a side of cult tears. Best served cold... like revenge... or leftover Big Macs. Warning: May cause orange stains & delusions of grandeur. #ChefBoyareweFucked #Felon47 #MAGA

Oink on the green, swingin' obscene, MAGA hat tight on his porky bean. Grip it, rip it, belly so wide, Snortin' for par with hammy pride.

BREAKING: Scientists discover the missing link between Cro-Magnon and QAnon — B6 in her natural habitat. No shoes, no facts, just rage, rocks, and Facebook memes. Evolution didn’t fail her — it straight up ghosted her. #CaveKaren #B6 #StoneColdStupid #TAC

Just Sayin

My GOP neighbors are going crazy. Renamed my Wi-Fi. It’s now “Hunter’s laptop.”

The Republican Senate just voted to CANCEL the Biden rule capping bank overdraft fees at $5. Once again, Republicans pick Wall Street over working families.

CVS has their Gillette razors under more security than Pete Hegseth’s war plans

Tell that to the guy who thinks executive orders come with a crown and a get-out-of-jail-free card.

If Biden so much as mentioned selling EVs from the White House lawn, Faux News would be in full meltdown mode, screeching about socialism, impeaching him for the 87th time, and collectively shitting their Depends.

There once was a man, orange and stout, Who ran his big mouth with no doubt. He ticked off the North, Like a true stable dork, Now Canada wants to opt out.

Maybe putting aviation safety in the hands of a rocket-happy billionaire with a ketamine habit isn’t the smartest flight plan.

True story

Wait until he hears about a whole orchestra full of Trans people from Siberia🤣

There once was a man, quite a louse, Who ranted 'bout some magic mouse. But transgenic, you see, Was too hard for he— Now he's the world's biggest rat in the house.

Spineless wonder Elon Musk has already chickened out of his interview with Jon Stewart - shocking absolutely no one.

There once was a puppet so proud, Who bent for his master, unbowed. But a bear from the east, Made him look like a feast, Now the whole world is laughing out loud!

That was the most embarrassingly infantile display of "diplomacy" this country has ever seen. A full-blown tantrum disguised as leadership. I’ve never been more ashamed.

Trump bends the knee to Vlad’s demand, Sells out our allies, betrays the land. Licks Putin’s boots, grifts for a buck, While yelling “America First!”—what the f***?

There once was a man orange and round, With Epstein, he frequently lounged. Now Pam hides the files, Stacks them up in big piles, 'Cause Trump's name is all over that mound.

When you trade your dignity, career, and freedom for an orange con man—only to end up in a Walmart scooter, desperately clutching a box of Just For Men like it’s a lifeline. Rudy’s fall from grace is now available in aisle 7.

Ah yes, shackling migrants and tossing them in cages—because nothing says ‘land of the free’ like treating human beings like war criminals. And their response? ‘It’s what we promised.’ At least they’re finally being honest about their fascist agenda.

Biden spent four years cleaning up Trump’s flaming dumpster fire, and in one month, Felon 47 torched the economy, tanked our reputation, and handed Putin a victory lap. MAGA logic at its finest.

Call Trump a grifter, and the GOP throws a tantrum. Funny how ‘free speech’ only applies when they’re spewing nonsense, but tell the truth about their Dear Leader, and they try to shut you up real quick. Cult behavior at its finest.

There once was a mess named Boebert, Whose morals just couldn't be lower. With Kid Rock in tow, To the jail she would go, Then straight into church for a blower.

Felon 47 got schooled again—this time by Macron, who had to explain basic facts like a teacher correcting a failing student. Turns out Europe is paying its share, and Trump is, as always, talking straight out of his orange ass. How embarrassing.

Nothing screams 'freedom' like zip-tying a woman’s hands and dragging her out of a town hall for daring to speak. Authoritarianism is alive and well.

If you're worshipping a South African billionaire while he guts the people who keep us safe—firefighters, scientists, doctors, park rangers—spare me the "America First" bullsh!t.

It's almost as if the economy is being run by a guy who bankrupted 4 casinos.

Felon 47 strikes again! The stock market takes a nosedive, and guess who’s proudly taking credit? The guy who bankrupted a casino. Next up: blaming Biden for his own economic disasters while his cult drinks the Kool-Aid and cheers for more financial ruin. MAGA logic at its finest!

Imagine a Congress filled with smart, passionate leaders fighting for the people—now imagine the exact opposite, and you’ve got the GOP. AOC is out here dropping truth bombs while half of Congress is busy Googling ‘How does government work?’ #SendBetterPeople #NotJustGriftersAndLunatics