save me 800mg ibuprofen 150mg acetaminophin and white monster

the real pride is sitting in a hole under a bridge getting drunk

anybody who says the word transbian is a federal agent

its kinda awesome how both minneapolis pride events suck bc corporate pride is obviously soulless and peoples pride is corny as hell

sometimes i wish i had some twin cities oomfies on here but also if anyone irl knew this account id kill myself and then them

i have not watched digital circus but ppl being all like "jax is a horrible abuser" and then backing it up with clips of normall ass cartoon bullying like ok maybe im missing something but youre just soft as fuck

i still dont understand how they made being a chef somehow a stressful job that requires yelling and screaming and illegal stimulants. like its just food bro it aint that serious

finally crawled out of bed my entire body hurts

its kinda awesome that u can immediately tell if someone hates women by if they take issue with the terms TME/TMA or not

why am i getting sick !!!!! what the fuck!!!! date night is tomorrow i cant be sick !!!!!!!!

at any given time at least half of my piercings are pissed off at me because i am a filthy woman always covered in dirt and grime

Avril Lavigne's Hit Single "Boyfriend" Wins This Year's Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Award For Best Song to Drive Drunk to

proposing a new highway system modeled after the autobahn except instead of just having no legal speed limit it also has no legal BAC limit

"zoomers having less sex" factoid actualy just statistical error. zoomers have normal amounts of sex. Virgins Georg, who lives in cave & doesnt have sex over 10,000 times each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

been setting my cruise control to 67 mph a lot lately

despite walking through tick city all day every day for several years ive never been bitten by a tick and rarely find them on me. im not sure if its something going on physiologically or if i just walk funny and they fucking hate my vibe

oldass man at the gas station staring at my chest alright bro sure i guess

work site in st cloud today. im violently killing myself in the PMs office

drunk call your girlfriend !!!!!!!! ,NOW!!!!!

fuCK!!!! i dont care!!!!!!! shut the fuck up !!!!!!!!!

alcohol is actually a potion of +7 to desperately wanting to hold my gf and bury my face in the crook of its neck

the only time i kinda understand why ppl like food and also cooking is when i am extremely drunk. spicy chicken sandwich and chex mix

ngl i was much funnier when i was repping primarily because i was far more willing to humiliate myself and even destroy my life for the bit

am i chopped do i look old they didnt id me at the liquor store

everybody that minorly inconveniences me should be brutally executed by the state

least favorite thing about working a site 50 miles out from the cities is that my drive back to the shop starts off on nice country roads and ends in congested city construction rush hour highway hell and im generally pulling a 20something ft trailer if that wasnt bad enough

according to the seasonals i say "everythings fucked" a lot

dont forget ur ppe

trans man friend complaining in the group chat about a new transphobic shithead coworker and revealing that the coworker has the same name as his husband so now hes getting called "evil [husbands name] and i gotta sit by and pretend that the husband doesnt still misgender me semi frequently years on

wanted to clean my apartment today but instead i got drunk and looked at hats online

my grandpa is getting rid of his guns but wont let me have them because he "wouldnt be able to handle it if anything happens" which i mean, fair.

it is simply not possible to turn left onto selby ave while going south on snelling and be a good person

fence sitter on everything else apparently

anything less than 90% diy hrt on that silly little trans values quiz means u r fundamentally a bad person

saw a turtle and three baby deer today (didnt get a picture of one)

i think its really awesome how ur groceries come pre rotten and moldy straight from the store now. thats pure capitalist efficiency baby

when my bangs get too long i start looking like a gay anton chigurh

one of my previously favorite coworkers gave terminal the ick by saying his girlfriend used to be a lesbian before they dated

theyre calling me a gay little centipede quite without fear

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to rig the door with a 12 gauge

saw the tiniest fawn smeared down the middle of the road

u ever piss so good u almost cry?

pride month win!: local faggot finds extra stash of vodka it didnt know it had

not now kitten mommys drinking straight from the bottle

blowing my shit off crazy style in front of everyone at the ayahuasca retreat

but how does this impact our ability to generate shareholder value

shaving my head

something is extremely wrong

good lord i used to look like that huh