And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.

If not for every major publication’s quota for hiring conservative thinkers (lol) would Ross Douthat have to just stand on street corners yelling at women to get pregnant?

Oooooooooffffff

This sucks but if there's any time at which he could be plausibly replaced by a Democrat it's now

Clu Gulager! Oh no wait, it’s

Let’s ask his web designer Greg what went wrong

PUNDIT: *gets hit in nuts with a wrench* aha all according to plan

Another big win for We Hate This Shit ‘25

How it’s been in every administration where the race didn’t immediately follow 9/11

Velshi!? What the fuck is this shit, where’s the ‘nack, fuckers

Overall it’s a blowout for We Hate This Shit ‘25

What? Did she even go on Rogan

jay jones has a winning message for 2026: [REMOVED FOR VIOLATION OF TOS]

Former VP Dick Cheney, whose very low floor we have nonetheless sunken beneath, dead at 84

What happened to Toronto in the 11th

Kash Patel being 45 and having a 26-year-old girlfriend should be disqualifying on its own

Abigail Spanberger seems like she’d be played by Andrea Riseborough in the movie version and that’s reason enough to elect her

*spooky Bruce Springsteen voice*

I told Stephen Miller I saw his head from space and he dropped all his burrito filling as he fled into Fort Sumter

My prediction is that this will not be a good hiding place for him for long

If his eyes are suddenly uncrossed one day at least we know what happened

I am a country singer inspired by the great artists who spoke truth to power and lionized the common man. My boyfriend is the director of the FBI

Verbalization of his brain grinding to a halt

“I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.”

He killed a million people over the last year of his first presidency and his approval rating is still worse now

I count myself among that last crowd so let me say I’m amazed how many are still ringing this bell when there are plenty of moderate Dems like Beshear and Shapiro who’ve been able to take the right stance on this without worrying about losing support.

The first dance party at the Donald J. Trump Memorial Ballroom

[whispers] fart fart fart poop poo peepee

The most dangerous byproduct of all this Platner stuff is the chance that Jon Stewart’s IRRESISTIBLE (2020) may become relevant

Was thrown out by judge who now

The next administration will sue all those companies for the funds necessary to unfuck the White House, and then John Roberts will shut it down, because, after all, payoffs in the form of settlements are a kind of bribery

Refer to a woman without commenting on her attractiveness challenge

Why is Trump demolishing and rebuilding the White House? For the same reason John Travolta (as Castor Troy) cut up his face just before Nic Cage (as Sean Archer) killed him, so that every morning he’d have to look in the mirror and see his mortal enemy even long after he was gone

That’s one way to follow up your feminist slasher trilogy

Ballroom is the president’s main priority

One of the reasons I like this is that some of the most annoying online people will hate it

He should be mad he’s ranked behind James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Herbert Hoover, and himself

It is very easy to not cover your body in Nazi imagery. Very easy

the through line of "got an accidental nazi tattoo while drunk" to "regularly takes shirt off at the bar" to "starts a senate campaign with no experience and no plan to address any of this" to "gets a terrible coverup overnight" is "total lack of judgment and impulse control"

Covering up your Nazi tattoo with Norse mythology bullshit is the lateralest of moves. Hope Platner enjoys being the token “liberal” on Newsmax for the rest of his life

It says “not”

DR. RICHARD KIMBLE: I didn’t kill my wife!!! MARSHAL SAM GERARD: I don’t care!!! ICE AGENT: *bang* oops

There’s a unique horror aesthetic that I can only describe as “released by Dimension Films”

Excuse me the what police

This is why I’m voting for @markey.senate.gov

Deep in my memory of things that happened 4 months/1000 years ago I seem to recall something about a year in prison

I don’t think a whole lot of Jake Tapper but this commentary is really good.

*LFO voice* 🎶 I like the girls when the weather is sunny The L.A. Dodgers hired Shohei Ohtani Summertime girls are the best I’ve seen