There are 2 possible scenarios in play that are clear to anyone outside the DC bubble. Scenario 1: @schumer.senate.gov & @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social are incapable of anything beyond strongly-worded posts, and should be replaced by leadership with the spine to fight Trump's authoritarianism. ⬇️

Trump being dead is just a rumor, and I don't think we should be spreading rumors. We should stick to spreading facts. Fact: Donald Trump is a rapist and pedophile. #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

Here's your annual reminder that Elf on a Shelf exists to make children normalize living in a surveillance state. Elf on a Shelf is Santa's Stasi.

NYC police chief on CEO shooting: “We have the drones up. We have aviation out. We have canine out. An incident like this happens — we don’t spare any expense.” I guess they *do* spare the expense when the victim isn't a rich white CEO.

Wow...this new k-drama is spicy.

Your annual PSA: When going out shopping on Black Friday, make sure you have your phones in landscape mode when recording the brawls that break out.

Your daily dose of puppy.

For all the new people who came over from the hellscape: Hi, I'm Mike. I'll be posting lots of social commentary, dog pictures (I mean, have you SEEN how cute my puppy is?), and the occasional thirst trap. Welcome to the party!

Your annual reminder that as great of a song as it is, "Zombie" by The Cranberries has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Halloween.

Captain Lou Albano was the One True Mario. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Here...have some aww.

Lara Trump's new song makes Yoko Ono sound like Streisand.

Typical GOP playbook. 1968: Nixon asks S. Vietnam to stall peace talks to sabotage Humphrey, promises a better deal if he wins the election. 1980: Reagan makes a backdoor deal w/Iran to hold the hostages to sabotage Carter. Released minutes after inauguration. Iran-Contra starts not long after.

All they need to sort it out are a grizzled space captain with a heart of gold, an inept but well-meaning first mate, a millionaire and his wife, a movie star, a professor, and a sweet innocent farm girl. www.theguardian.com/science/arti...

She's clearly a shill for Big Parma. The conspiracy theorists were sooooo close to being right.

From the Trump Access Hollywood recording: "And I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, 'I'll show you where they have some nice furniture.'" Some things have suddenly become very clear in retrospect.

"I might not know how to spell 'potato', but at least I never fucked a couch." - Dan Quayle, probably

Do you think JD Vance gets aroused whenever he passes by an Ikea?

I haven't seen someone so blatantly exploit somebody's death since Eric Clapton released "Tears in Heaven".

IT support people around the world dipping into the emergency stash today.

The real reason Trump picked JD Vance: They only have to change two letters from the last campaign's signs.

If Convict Trump had been in a prison cell where he belongs, he wouldn't have gotten shot.

Not to get all boomer about it, but is there anyone who writes actual lyrics any more?

Aim for the moon, and if you miss you'll end up among the stars. Floating through the never-ending blackness of space. Then your oxygen runs out.

In the UK, they arrested a cop for betting on the general election with inside information. In the US, cops can shoot unarmed black people and the worst that happens is that they get shuffled off to a new job in the next town over.

One of the absolute greatest to ever do it.

This is not a heartwarming story, no matter how people try to spin it. Yes, the donors did a decent thing, but this is something that shouldn't have to be necessary. www.theguardian.com/us-news/arti...

Donald Trump 🤝 the last three Jets seasons 34 losses in New York

iPhone people: I'm getting back on my bicycle after a long time, and I want to track my rides like I do my steps. Does the Health app do this natively, or do I have to connect something like Strava?

A snake bit a politician? Whatever happened to professional courtesy? www.theguardian.com/us-news/arti...

A public video portal between New York and Dublin? What could possibly go wrong? uk.news.yahoo.com/dublin-york-...

Have you ever noticed that the people (if you can call incels "people") who spout this crap are usually the human equivalent of that key that has been sitting in the back of the junk drawer for so long that nobody remembers what it was for?

Even right-wingers love dogs. They hate most people, but they love dogs. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024...

Back in my day, we went out to play and came home when the streetlights came on or someone got a traumatic brain injury. And that's the way we liked it! honey.nine.com.au/parenting/re...

Keep in mind that Stormy Daniels might be the only contractor Trump ever actually paid.

I thought Rishi Sunak had this award locked up.

Sorry, Apple, I can’t fill this out. There’s no option for “complete shitshow”.

Have we not learned *anything* about what happens when you destroy the dreams of a German-speaking wannabe artist?

There is really not a good reason to continue using Vichy Twitter except to tell the other people who are still using it to stop. If you still have the app on your devices, uninstall it now.

This should tell you all you need to know: When civil rights leaders such as MLK, Malcolm X, and Fred Hampton stopped framing society's main conflict as black vs white, and started framing it as rich vs poor, they were all murdered very shortly thereafter.

This was a particularly dark episode of The Patty Duke Show.

Rupert Murdoch is now LITERALLY in bed with Russians, as opposed to figuratively as he's been for years, with Fox News being the Kremlin's US propaganda outlet. Also, her daughter was married to sanctioned Russian oligarch and Putin pal Roman Abramovich. www.theguardian.com/media/2024/m...

If you've ever wondered what "Stairway to Heaven" would have sounded like if the early-era Beatles had done it, wonder no more! www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wfo...

Between the Jesus ads and the Scientology ad last night during the Super Bowl, that was about $21 million that could have gone to things like feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless. Religion is a lucrative racket.

Super Bowl XXV: Wide Right 2023 AFC Divisional Playoff: Wide Right (Taylor's Version)

I've been waiting for this for YEARS!!!!!

Hedley Lamarr: “Kinky!”

I must be old. I've heard of maaaaaybe 10% of these people on the Bonnaroo schedule.

[1970s New York intensifies]