Look, I *am* by default suspicious of any human being I don't know (though I give literally everyone at least one chance to prove me wrong), and I *still* want to make sure everyone's taken care of, and it's starting to piss me off that all the other paranoiacs can't figure that shit out. Good 🧵 👇

"Okay, but what's like the Magic Number of people I can physically and/or psychologically harm, unprovoked, before you all start calling me—-" One. It's one. The Magic Number is one. 1. Uno. Once you take that step, you're every evil fucko label we feel like throwing at you and you should go away.

I initially misread this caption as: “Tomorrow,” said Toad, “I can take a life just as easily.” Toad went back to bed. And it gave the whole image a much creepier vibe that I did not entirely object to.

Summer camp: some kid (from the "opposing" camp) passing by threw a rock at our group and it hit my eye. (There's a lot more to THAT story and it ALSO sounds fake but is 100% true.) For 15 years I had this bubble on my eye that acted as a magnifier when it was centered but I couldn't control it.

Heh — this is something I wrote and put into one of the programming courses I taught (I was known for…stretching my analogies to coding/development concepts as far as I felt like just to have fun with it).

I know it's found hidden on various other disks from way back when, but I'll always remember when Big Bro and I found "yummy.bmp" on the Bard's Tale III disk; as she mentioned much later on, it was how Rebecca Heineman "signed" work as hers to make sure nobody could claim otherwise. She rocked. 🤘

How I feel when someone blocks me.

How I arrived on Bluesky.

Re-upping: are you a producer, director, casting director…? I'm a fucking awesome actor, and apparently I'm allowed to point that out on social media. So cast me. (I'm also fucking awesomely reliable and easy to work with.)

[In case you were wondering: comic books and movies. The answer was comic books and movies. The heroes were right. The villains were wrong. The villains dug fascism and control. The heroes dug being good to people and helping out. That's what I goddamn internalized. It wasn't hard. FFS.]

And hell, while I'm at it: are you a literary agent, a publisher, or a reader who really likes to read awesome books? Well, I'm also a fucking awesome writer. (See previous posts if this seems, um, a little outta the blue. It kinda is—but also I'm fucking awesome. And admitting it.) Check 'em out…

I'd like to volunteer to be a No Man. All these giant rich fuckos surrounded by Yes Men need a No Man. I'd just be there constantly pointing out how abysmally fucking stupid everything they do is, and they're not allowed to fire or even avoid me, 'cause I don't work for them, I work for humanity.

("Then leave, dude." Hey, I didn't say I don't enjoy some stuff here. Just that if being here weren't de rigueur for most of my endeavors, I wouldn't be here. I think plenty of you are awfully swell and I dig what you say and do here. But I don't think I get from this what a lot of you seem to.)

The thing is: I hate the first type, but I *get* them. The second type? Those are the people I find infinitely alien. I promise you, if I'm ever doing well enough IRL that I could achieve massive engagement on social media…I won't be on social media. I'm not here 'cause I "want" to be, guys. 🤷

"It looks like magenta to me." "Magenta?!" "Y'know: cyanide." "How the hell is that the same thing?" "Cockney rhyming slang. Cyanide…cyan…magenta." "Magenta and cyan don't rhyme." "They do in hexadecimal."

Fact: I can't see an image like this without immediately crossing my eyes to try and discover the hidden autostereogram. (Bonus fact: That trick's always come so easily to me I deliberately use it to solve those "find six differences in these two pictures" puzzles.)

STILL think this ridiculous thing I came up with a few years ago is funny.

"Men, we need to come up with something the lefties and queers and weirdos and all won't be able to make fun of." "Something big! Exciting!" [scribble] "Something about how angry we are!" [scribble scribble] "Wait, how many Rs in 'fury'?" "Oh, yeah, just one, sorry, cross that second one out."

Look, I'm firmly "Name your kids what you want 'cause 3rd graders can ALWAYS think of SOME way to tease them" and ALSO firmly "But don't goddamn make it EASY for them dumbass!" and it's goddamn hilarious that they named their military operation something so blatantly ripe for social media parodies.

What REALLY proves to people that you're a corporation or regime who's so powerful and badass and zen cool and above it all is when you start banning words and phrases they've been using to suggest maybe you're NOT a corporation or regime who's so powerful and badass and zen cool and above it all.

Look, I'm firmly "Name your kids what you want 'cause 3rd graders can ALWAYS think of SOME way to tease them" and ALSO firmly "But don't goddamn make it EASY for them dumbass!" and it's goddamn hilarious that they named their military operation something so blatantly ripe for social media parodies.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily bizarre but it IS bizarrely unnecessary that every time any of my old flames' birthdays come up I remember the date with zero effort.

Calling it "news" was the first mistake. We should've just called it "information." Like: "Hi, I'm Walter Cronkite, and this is today's information." Maybe then more of them might understand the job. We don't only need to know what's "new." We need to know what's *occurring*, ongoing or not.

Look, I don't know WHERE my son got this hyperfixation tendency from, but I'm going to work on figuring it out for the rest of the day to the detriment of all the other tasks I have to get done.

On a related note, a tip: if someone starts a "hey this writer's dead, what a sex pest he was" thread and you feel the urge to say "well I only read those two books by him, didn't see anything Pesty there" scroll down for like 10 seconds 'cause I GUARANTEE someone lists the Pesty Bits in those two.

Not sure if I have a Spidey Sense for it (no, I don't) or just had my own preferences and didn't seek out certain kinds of new (to me) authors all that much (yup!) but every time I see "Oh fuck that prolific dude was a total sex pest" discourse there's like a 7 in 9 chance I never even heard of him.

🫩: "NYT's op-eds loaded with fascist-supporting bullshit/apologetics ∴ NYT (and its eds) = part of the problem." 🤓: "Nah, I'm smart and understand the difference between reporting and opinion piece." Bully for you, dude. If you're THAT smart, you can also see how—for gen pop—this is a problem.

Very rich white guy who formerly held literally one of the most powerful positions in the entire world and has been known to make at the very least questionable choices with regard to sexual advances and also known to have lied about them and whose wife's demeanor suggests it was frequent says what?

Job posting: "[The company's] mission is to empower creators and businesses to thrive in an AI-driven, freelance-first world." Because creators have been really really really vocal about how awesomely AI empowers us as freelancers. So vocal. Gushing, even. There've been tears and lipstick smears.

STILL think this ridiculous thing I came up with a few years ago is funny.

Look, I don't know WHERE my son got this hyperfixation tendency from, but I'm going to work on figuring it out for the rest of the day to the detriment of all the other tasks I have to get done.

Calling it "news" was the first mistake. We should've just called it "information." Like: "Hi, I'm Walter Cronkite, and this is today's information." Maybe then more of them might understand the job. We don't only need to know what's "new." We need to know what's *occurring*, ongoing or not.

Intro to Western Civ Trigonometry II Stage Tech (1 credit) Freshman English Comp (required—yes, even if you scored a 5 on the AP English exam, nerd)

I really did love this article about me. If I'd become a fully established, well-known actor before social media hit, the social media machine would probably have allowed me to keep this up. When I think about it, I'm always kinda low-key bummed out I didn't really get that chance.

These are the first two of my #SilhouetteUniverse👤 novels and, as it turns out, I did the art and design for both myself. 😉 (I do that sort of thing too. Professionally, I mean.) Universal link: sbufo.com/UR/?L=b2r #booksky

Also also: I'd be a pretty fucking awesome Wolverine, and I'd even be closer to the correct height. 😝 (Though that wouldn't be my preference if I were asked which X-Man I'd like to play.)

Epic fantasy series idea: Book 1 the protagonist and their people fight against a genocidal Evil Nation, Book 2 they start their own nation of peace and prosperity, Book 3 some rich assholes win elections, Book 4 they're the genocidal Evil Nation now—- Oh wait that's not fantasy it keeps happening.

Fucking idiots: "Cool, AI can do my homework for me 'cause school is about turning in work not actually doing the work." Me, getting my 3yo's school art project¹ finished literally 4 minutes before I have to run to school² and hand it in: "While you were out prompting, I studied procrastination."³

Fucking idiots: "Cool, AI can do my homework for me 'cause school is about turning in work not actually doing the work." Me, getting my 3yo's school art project¹ finished literally 4 minutes before I have to run to school² and hand it in: "While you were out prompting, I studied procrastination."³

Man, and I thought we were reaching when we used that song as the entr'acte leading into Act 2 of our college sketch comedy show back in 1997, when it was only 8 years old.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily bizarre but it IS bizarrely unnecessary that every time any of my old flames' birthdays come up I remember the date with zero effort.

Went to grab some naan at this great little Indian restaurant nearby; the helpful and friendly guy behind the counter wore a sweatshirt that read "SAN DEIGO" [sic] and I didn't have the heart to tell him he probably got ripped off.

Look, I *profess* many things—and I *have* taught and written college courses in multiple subjects—so can I just swing by on that technicality…? 🤞🇬🇧

Goddammit I'm gonna have to watch "Andor" for precisely the reasons I've been avoiding it all this time aren't I… (One spoiler I *wouldn't* mind: is there ANY catharsis, or is it relentlessly, y'know, [gestures to the real world right now]…?)

🪖: "First, we have come for—-" BOOM💥HEADSHOT🩸🪖💀 😮😯😲: "What the FUCK dude?!?" 😠: "I've read that fucking poem. I'm not even giving them a first chance, let alone a second." (With apologies to Martin Niemöller.) (…but this SHOULD be the lesson we've learned from that goddamn poem.)

I call this "my entire life in general" at this point, but either way: yeah.

Finally getting to see the new version of DuckTales with my 3yo and: A) Dig it a bunch. Don't need to make him watch the old one (not even sure *I* could handle the step-down in pacing). B) Turns out it's an inherent human trait to take any two syllables and sing them to the DuckTales theme song.

Epic fantasy series idea: Book 1 the protagonist and their people fight against a genocidal Evil Nation, Book 2 they start their own nation of peace and prosperity, Book 3 some rich assholes win elections, Book 4 they're the genocidal Evil Nation now—- Oh wait that's not fantasy it keeps happening.

Kinda no contest here, as these are the only three I ever really *really* loved reading.

And hell, while I'm at it: are you a literary agent, a publisher, or a reader who really likes to read awesome books? Well, I'm also a fucking awesome writer. (See previous posts if this seems, um, a little outta the blue. It kinda is—but also I'm fucking awesome. And admitting it.) Check 'em out…