Thank you, #TheArchers tweetalongers. I think that went quite well – didn’t you? Agricultural Story Editor: “STILL ON AIR!” #AmbridgeAntiques

Miss Babs: “Oh no! She’s choking to death on one of her own macaroons while open-water swimming in the Lake District! Don’t worry, Mrs Overall – that macaroon you just choked on – I’m going to send the recipe to the Borchester Echo!” Mrs Overall: “Oh I am pleased!” #AmbridgeAntiques #TheArchers

Brian: “It was totally unnecessary, and extremely embarrassing.” Alice: “Yes. But at least it’s over now. That’s a wrap, everybody! It’s a wrap! Lunch?” #TheArchers

Ben: “So how did it go with Paul last night? I want ALL the details, with diagrams.” #TheArchers

Ben: “I thought I’d treat myself to a Friday punani.” Ruiauaiuaridh: “What? No, Ben – it’s a misprint. It should be a *panini*?” #TheArchers

Ruiauaiuaridh: “I’ve been hard at it all morning.” Ben: “I know.” 😳 #TheArchers

Brian: “He started it, Miss!” Lilian: “Will you just listen to yourself? (You can catch up on BBC Sounds or wherever you get your podcasts.)” #TheArchers

Lilian: *knock knock* Brian: “Come in. Oh, you already have. We must try to get those sound effects in synch one day.” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Ruiauaiuaridh: “Thanks for last night. It was really nice.” Paul: “It was, wasn’t it? And it looks like we got away with it.” 😘 Ben: “Not quite! I saw you taking the sink plunger and wet rags from the sound effects cupboard!” #TheArchers

Brian: “I just wanted to do this week’s apology. Did you get my messages? Are you still angry? Will you accept my apology?” Alice: “Yes, yes, and no. Bye!” #TheArchers

Paul: “Hello.” Ruiauaiuaridh: “Hello.” Paul: “For the avoidance of doubt, it’s a bit cramped in this single bed, in my room in the house at The Stables I share with Lily and Josh, isn’t it?” Ruiauaiuaridh: “Yes, it is.” #TheArchers

Ruiauaiuaridh: “Fancy a ****?” Paul: “What? No, look, it goes over the page – it should be ‘fancy a cocktail?’” Ruiauaiuaridh: “Oh! I thought it was rather bold for #TheArchers!”

Ben: *yawns* “I’m so tired!” Ruiauaiuaridh: “We’re all tired. Everyone in this pub is tired. Were some of the men who always sound tired in #TheArchers.” #JohnFinnemore

Ben: “Where is Josh anyway?” Paul: “Filming some comedy biopic about Sam Altman, I think?” #TheArchers #Artificial

Alice: “I’m FEWMIN.” Lilian: “I’m livid myself. But we’d better read it out anyway.” #TheArchers

Paul: “I'm supposed to be meeting Josh for the quiz, but he’s not really in this any more.” #TheArchers

Alan: “I have never, in all my years at The Mailbox, seen such an embarrassing, unacceptable display from members of the cast!” #TheArchers

Lilian: “You should be ashamed! I was mortified!” Brian / Justin: “But… we had to read it out anyway?” #TheArchers

Alan: “Harvest Festival is when we come together to thank God for food and farmers and so forth.” Jim: “NO SUCH THING!” #TheArchers #AtheistHeckling

Ben: “Don’t tell me The Agricultural Story Editor’s got you doing some actual farming on #TheArchers?”

Alan: “Standing room only, I’m afraid. #TheArchers tweetalong is completely packed out!”

Fallon: “What a day!” Ed: “What a life!” Fallon: “What an omnibus!” #TheArchers

Alan: “I’m getting some unexpected theological questions for some reason. Almost like someone’s telling my congregation that religion’s a lot of old nonsense or something.” #TheArchers

Fallon: “Be careful not to choke on that macaroon, Ed! I don’t think he heard me…” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Jim: “Have you ever considered becoming an atheist? Here, have a look at the Humanists UK website: humanists.uk/%E2%80%9D Lilian: “Does Alan know you’re trying to talk people out of their faith while you’re selling them FIG ROLLS?" #TheArchers #FigRoll

Jim: “…and 86 pence change. Enjoy your antiques!” Lilian: “I’ve come here for an existential debate?” Jim: “No you haven’t.” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques #MontyPython

Ed: “Remember you can stop at any time. Well, at 12:15.” #TheArchers

Jim: “…and 86 pence change. Enjoy your ecclesiastical antiques!” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Jim: “I’ve never been completely comfortable in a church.” #TheArchers #TheOmen

Jim: “It’s all going a lot better than expected. In fact, I’m actually enjoying myself. You’ve all done very well!” #TheArchers #AreYouBeingServed #AreYouBeingFarmed

Jazzer: “I can’t swim, BTW. Hope I don’t drown or anything!” Fallon: “Don’t worry – I’m going to swim after all, so I can dramatically save you from drowning and overcome my fear of water, having nearly drowned myself last year.” #TheArchers

Lily: “For now I’m stuck here. It’s fine. I don’t love it. But the people are nice.” Azra: “Well, I’m sure your agent will find you a new role soon.” #TheArchers

Fallon: “I get a shock some days when I look in the mirror and see a 40-year-old woman staring back. But then I tell the Agricultural Story Editor to get out of my dressing room, and get on with the day’s recording.” #TheArchers

Fallon: “Remember that time you nearly died after overdosing on ketamine, Jazzer, when you were completely out of it and in a coma for two weeks?” Jazzer: “Not really.” #TheArchers #PlotRecap

Lily: “It’s just so humiliating.” Azra: “I know, Lily. But we’d better read it out anyway.” #TheArchers

Lily: “I can’t tell you what a headache it’s been! All the complaints, and then having to arrange the whole thing again for Sunday, I could REALLY do without it.” Azra: “Yes, we seem to have to do this EVERY Sunday...” #TheArchers

Lily: “Azra!” Azra: “Sorry, I was listening to a podcast of #TheArchers.” Lily: “NO, Azra! NEVER listen to a podcast of The Archers! You’ll get trapped in a metafiction paradox feedback loop!”

Ed: “Ready for our road trip to Cumbria? It’ll be HILARIOUS, like that time the staff of Grace Brothers went on holiday to the Costa Plonka.” #TheArchers #AreYouBeingServed #AreYouBeingFarmed

Alice: “I can’t bear it!” *sobs* Ruiauaiuaridh: “Well, there’s only another 40 pages of this to get through now.” #TheArchers

Alice: “It’s very sweet of you to keep up with your weekly check-ins.” Ruiauaiuaridh: “My what? Oh, #TheArchers omnibus. Yes, wouldn’t miss it!”

Brian: “The problem is, I’ve no idea whether to take him seriously or not.” Martyn: “The Agricultural Story Editor? Generally best not, I’d say.” #TheArchers

Alice: “WTF are you doing here, tho?” Ruiauaiuaridh: “Recording an episode of #TheArchers. You?”

Alice: “You’ve not gone vegan, have you?” Ruiauaiuaridh: “No danger of that. I’m still a big fan of meat.” #TheArchers

Martyn: “I hear a rumour that you were looking for land elsewhere. Is that true?" 🥃 Justin: “It might be. But if I do, I’d have to sell my shares in Derwent Enterprises to Marjorie – lock stock and ruddy barrel!” 🥃 Everyone: “Dammit all to Ambridge and back!” 🥃🥃🥃 #TheArchers #FryAndLaurie

Brian: “Dammit, Justin! Whatever this script says, this is far from over!” 🥃 Justin: “I’m perfectly well aware of that, Brian. There’s nearly an hour of this to go yet!” 🥃 Brian: “Dammit all to hell and back!” 🥃 #TheArchers #FryAndLaurie

Justin: “I’m off to a board meeting. Do you need me to pick anything up for dinner?” Lilian: “What about the vegetables?” Justin: “Oh, they’ll have the same as me.” #TheArchers #SpittingImage

Lily: “I suppose I’d better go on #FaceTheMusic.” Ben: “You’ll have a job. That ended in 1984.” #TheArchers

Paul: “Never mind, Lily. Let’s all get tw*tted on wedding champagne!” 🥂 #TheArchers

Ben: “Did you see Gran’s black forest?” Lily: “Yes, Ben. We’ve all seen it.” 😳 #TheArchers

Lily: “Derek Fletcher was absolutely livid. I thought he was going to explode!” #TheArchers #MrCreosote #MontyPython