Thank you, #TheArchers tweetalongers. I’m off to give George’s probation officer a quick call. See you next week!

Mrs Overall: “Be careful on them stairs, Mr Brad. Don’t trip over that Venus de Milo! I don’t think he heard me…” #AmbridgeAntiques #TheArchers

Brad: “How are you, Ed? After I SAW George push you down the stairs?” Ed: “Fine, thanks. Don’t tell anyone tho, or you might have an… ‘accident’ too.” #TheArchers

Amber: “It’s been a bit of a bad week.” Brad: “I know, Amber. But I’m sure next week’s script will be better.” #TheArchers

George: “Soz about pushing you down the stairs, Ed – LOLZ. Have you told anyone?” Ed: “No. Just your probation officer.” George: “What?” Ed: “What?” #TheArchers

Brad: “Actually, can we stop?” Rex: “I’m afraid not. There’s still another 5 minutes of this to go?” #TheArchers

Emma: “Tell me again? How it happened?” Ed: “George pushed me down the stairs.” Emma: “You haven’t told anyone have you? What about Brad? He was there.” Ed: “Don’t worry. I’ll have a hit put out on him.” #TheArchers #BrookfieldBad

Emma: “How is your wrist?” Ed: “Well, I won’t be working the mixing desk for a while.” #TheArchers

Brad: “Tell me about your worst date.” Rex: “23 April 2015. The day I started on #TheArchers.”

Rex: “Where to?” Brad: “The Escape Room. Or Drama Studio Cubicle 09-054a, as they prefer to call it.” #TheArchers

Brad: “What happened?” George: “I didn’t push him down the stairs!” #TheArchers #LeagueOfGentlemen

George: “I told you to leave me. I mean it, Ed – get out of my studio! Or I’ll punch you all the way into the #MidlandsToday studio downstairs!” #TheArchers

Ed: “I know everything seems hopeless now – but there’s only another 15 minutes of this to get through.” #TheArchers

Ed: “To be fair, you have made things up before, haven’t you?” George: “Ed, this whole thing is made up.” Ed: “Let’s not pull at that thread, George.” #TheArchers

George: “What you doing here?” Ed: “Recording an episode of #TheArchers. You?”

Ed: “Do you know Dad’s turkey money turned up, it was in his jacket pocket all along?” George: “No, but if you sing it, I’ll join in on the harmonica.” #TheArchers

Brad: “Are you busy with Amber later?” George: “Who?” #TheArchers

George: “Why don’t you tell me the truth, eh? It was fun, for a while, having a boyfriend in #TheArchers. But now you’ve gone off the idea, and you don’t want to be in a radio drama at all. I’m right, aren’t I?” Amber: “George! No! That was the previous Amber!”

George: “Are you getting #ColdFeet?” Amber: “No, that ended in 2003. Well, apart from a brief revival in 2016.” #TheArchers

George: “It was a real shock, you asking me that in the café.” Amber: “Why? Had you not read this week’s script?” #TheArchers

Tracy: “You OK, Brad? Not pining after your best friend’s fiancée or anything, I hope!” #TheArchers

Tracy: “Your Auntie Susan’s planning on going mobile again.” Brad: “What – recording remotely? Like we did in lockdown?” #TheArchers

Amber: “Did you steal the Christmas Club money, George? Did you, tho? DID YOU?” George: *storms off* Eddie (phone): “Hi Amber! Oops – I found the Christmas Club money. It was in my pocket all along!” Amber: “Oh. Great.” 🙄 #TheArchers #ArchEnders

George: “What? I can’t hear you over the turkeys!” Eddie: “WHAT? CAN’T HEAR YOU! Hang on – I’ll ask the studio manager to turn down the turkeys!” #TheArchers

Tony: “A Christmas tractor run through the village?” Joy: “Yes, but we’ll try not to squish anyone underneath a Massey Ferguson or anything. You know, out of respect, Pet.” #TheArchers

Kirsty: “Where the f*** were you?” Justin: “Held up in a script meeting, unfortunately.” #TheArchers

Joy: “After what happened to John, I’m starting to think asking Fergie to switch on the Ambridge Christmas lights might be a bit… insensitive?” #TheArchers

Alice: “I promised Phoebe I’d send the video of the beaver release to her.” Rex: “You filmed the birth?” #TheArchers

Tony: “John went off on the vintage Fergie. It overturned.” Joy: “Oh, Tony. I’m so sorry. I never knew the (former) Duchess of York did a cameo in #TheArchers.”

Joy: “Lilian told me all about Baby Peggy’s dramatic arrival. Sounds like something out of a film!” Tony: “Rosemary’s Baby?” #TheArchers

Amber: “But… what if George stole the Christmas Turkey Club money to pay for the wedding?” #TheArchers #ArchEnders

Miss Ruth: “So… Connie’s your secret identical twin sister who lives in Kuwait?” Mr Leonard: “Yes! So I wasn’t having an affair at all.” Miss Pip: “Well, that clears that up. Let’s all have a nice cup of tea and a macaroon!” Mrs Overall: “Oh, I am pleased!” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Eddie: “BTW, have you seen a brown envelope stuffed full of cash? Hope it’s not been stolen by an ex-con who mysteriously came into a lot of money recently or anything!” 🤞🏼 #TheArchers

Eddie: “I think we’re in for a good Christmas.” Amber: “You’ve not seen next week’s script, then?” #TheArchers

Pip: “Stop talking, Mum. You’re just making it worse.” Ruth: “But… there’s PAGES of this to go yet!” #TheArchers

Pip: “Did you ever get to the bottom of Leonard’s mystery woman?” Ruth: “No, but Leonard did. Apparently he and your gran are swingers.” 😬 Pip: “FFS, he’s OBVIOUSLY winding you up!” 🙄 #TheArchers

Ruth: “What? I can’t hear you over the cows!” Pip: “WHAT? CAN’T HEAR YOU! Hang on, I’ll ask the studio manager to turn down the cows!” #TheArchers

Brad: “Hi Amber! George said he thought you were being a bit distant. So I wondered… Do you want to dump him and date me instead?” 🤔 #TheArchers

Leonard: “You’ve no need to worry about Connie, or all the others. Jill and I are swingers! So that’s all good, then. Now, I must get to a lay-by on the Borchester Bypass. Bye!” Ruth: 😳 #TheArchers

George: “Amber’s just a bit… different.” Brad: “Ah. You’ve finally noticed.” 😬 #TheArchers

Brad: “I suppose it'll take a while.” George: “Yeah. Until about 12:15.” #TheArchers

Ruth: “I saw Lizzie Proctor speaking with the Devil!” #TheArchers #AmbridgeWitchTrials

Ruth: “Something’s been bothering me.” Leonard: “You’ve seen this week’s script, then?” #TheArchers

George: “I emailed a couple of wedding venues.” Amber: “Why? Haven’t you read ahead to our Christmas Day episode yet, where I dump you and you ‘wawk art the front doer’?” #TheArchers #ArchEnders

Ruth: “I’m not remotely ready for Christmas! Leonard: “Why on Earth not? We’re recording this 4 weeks in advance?” #TheArchers

Ruth: “Still seeing other soap characters behind Jill’s back, Leonard?” Leonard: “I’m afraid so. I was in a #PlayForToday with Sheila Grant last week.” #TheArchers #Brookside

Continuity: “And now it’s time for this week’s visit to #AmbridgeAntiques. And after last week’s exciting cliffhanger, let’s see if Miss Helen is any further on with tossing that caber.” #TheArchers

Happy #BudgetDay to all who celebrate! 💼 #MontyPython

Thank you, #TheArchers tweetalongers. I’m off to help Hamish adjust his sporran. See you next week!

Miss Babs: “Mrs O, fetch me a mug of whisky, and some of your finest shortbread the noo – We’re going to open a branch of #AmbridgeAntiques in the Highlands!” Mrs Overall: “Och, I am pleased!” #TheArchers