Used to be all it took to end a mayoral campaign was to hijack the speakers at their rally and play audio of them bragging that they "Played this stinkin' city like a harp from hell! Harp from hell! Harp from hell! Wicka wicka-- Harp from hell!"

What if we're all just in some improv, improvised up by Chris Hemsworth on on a movie set, shooting in a distant galaxy, inside a snow globe... And he's leaving no room for the editor to cut around it, and the Director isn't even trying to reign him in?

Well, you know what they say... because you're better listener than I am.

"Andrew, it's your cousin Marvin... Marvin Dice Clay? You know that new way to hold a cigarette you've been looking for???"

Tony noms announced and once again, The Waterworld Stunt Show was snubbed!

Does anyone actually ship Monet/ Quicksilver? I mean, you have to be at least as icked as you were with Warren/ Paige. Right? #Xmen

Can you believe that May the Fourth and Cinco de Mayo fall one day apart this year?! Crazy.

I agree that Dolly Is an iconic musician and one of the great songwriters. But it doesn’t bother you just a little when she used “easily” twice in the same sentence?

Hey Dyson, it's 2026. Where are the silent leafblowers?

Pistol Pete was a cat who became a dog. You can do anything.

I’m not looking to be canonized or anything; I’m just saying nobody has ever missed a left turn because I didn’t pull far enough into the intersection.

“The Four Twenny Opera” by Berthold your Breath.

All the comedians that got famous from being on The Tonight Show in the 80s were "Carsonogenic."

The plural of toothbrush is teethbrush.

I’m a Sugar in the Raw, but a Turkey in the Straw.

Today is both Passover and April Fools Day. So be careful eating that Marror. I heard they made it spicy as a prank.

Today is April 1st. ... ... ... Haha, no its not you friggin idiot! Got you! March Fools!

"I'd call myself more of a realist." -Literally everyone

Cinema's Top 3 Best "Rockys" 1. Rocky (1976) 2. Project Hail Mary (2026) 3. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)

Hey, if anyone is going to Oscar Parties this weekend, would you mind bringing me back a dessert? My doctor says I need more gold leaf in my diet.

A dating app, but you can only reject people.

My hospital has a Doctor whose name is Dr Um. Which sounds like a really wishy-washy Bond villain...

On Purim we teach our children that you owe no human being your genuflection. We bow before no man. Only The Lord. Unless I’m spending 60$/ week on karate lessons. In which case you’d better show “Sensei Steve" some damn respect young man...

I’m not distracted from the Epstein Files. Are you?

I bet they go crazy for Karaoke Night in Roanoke!

If you reelect The Shredder you cant be surprised when a Sam Rockwell character starts offering teens cigarettes in regular OR menthol.

My street poetry name was “Ice Cream Slamwich”

Chuck E. Cheese’s has still never opened a pizza food truck called Truck E Cheese's. How does your precious "science' explain that!? Huh?

Mirror Universe Randy Newman: “You’ve got a frenemy… You’ve got a FRENemy…”

If your 90s mix doesn’t start AND end with Hotstepper, you weren’t really there.

people who work on Super Bowl Sunday deserve holiday pay.

So far, no good.

In Europe, the Batmobile is what he calls his cellphone.

Just saw the Cinemateque is showing Cabin Fever w q&a w Eli Roth. And that was when I realized cabin fever and cabin boy are 2 different films.

It’s raining … It’s pouring … The old Gil went in to work today for some reason

Ive reignited my love of classic film this year, and Ive become obsessed with midpoint sequences. Name anything below, and I'll tell you where the midpoint is.

Congrats. You all made it into my Top Ten of 2025. Be safe tonight.

What do you think is the oldest "true story?" Is there a novel, film or even myth that references a true event, that goes back the furthest in history?

… You’ve never seen Ben Vereen and Wolverine in the same place though, have you? I’m just sayin’

Watching The Spy Who Loved Me. When a 007 movie opening titles features fully naked women, is it meant to signal that this is a mature film, or a highly juvenile one?

Hm. Storm's a'brewin... *Sip*

My grandma always used to say "if you have nothing funny to say, delete the post"

I’ll never forgive grief for making me a person who listens to James Taylor.

Sandler calls them ‘skits.’ Skits is fine.

This is the last time Im ever going to address this. So here it is for the whole internet; The best Disney villain song is “I Wanna Be Like You” from Jungle Book. An orangutan threatening an 8 year old unless mowgli teaches him how to make fire, which he has no idea how to do!?

I’m so old that we used to call them “pornographs”

Last night I dreamt that I taught a Stand Up class. And I woke up with a pretty solid syllabus tbh.

DID YOU KNOW!? Americans celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving in November! Happy American Canadian Thanksgiving everyone!

The funniest part of Predator: Badlands is the confirmation that every previous Predator was experiencing male pattern baldness.

Freedom's just another word for the stretch of road between traffic jams.