88-69. in the words of cal himself, might as well go win the whole fuckin' thing

Houston, we have liftoff.

87-69. SIT THE FUCK DOWN

OH MY GOD WE DID IT

86-69. CATCH THIS L LIKE ROBLES CAUGHT YOUR FEEBLE LOOPER

42-112. THEY'VE DONE IT

85-69. we might need a prayer circle for bryan woo

84-69. I am so ready to get my soul shattered this weekend. are you?

41-112. idk what else you can even say about this team that hasn't been said by everyone else

41-111. I know I already said it a few days ago, but fully three quarters of this pitching staff is never finding work with another MLB team ever again

83-69. never let matt brash pitch against the royals ever fucking again. oh well, just start another streak tomorrow

41-110. what a brutal end

83-68. TEN IN A ROW. CAL'S RISE CONTINUES. DOM CANZONE CAREER GAME. ALL GLORY TO THE ETSY WITCH

off-day update. I'm sure they 3D printed another drone to hit clutch october bombs for them. I'M SO SURE

40-107. insert six seven gif here 41-107. they have almost avoided infamy. good for them 41-108. how did nobody try and get jimmy herget at the deadline 41-109. someone please free kyle freeland and victor vodnik from this desolate wasteland

82-68. WOOOOOOOO FUCK THE WILD CARD

81-68. TO A PLACE WHERE BLIND MEN SEE

80-68. CAN YOU TAKE ME HIGHER

40-103. the pitching, like years past, is the source of all their problems 40-104. no other team will employ any of these pitchers ever again 40-105. but the offense is what really sent them to hell this year 40-106. if you can't even hit in coors, you're just utterly fucked

39-100. im not gonna lie coming up for captions is really hard 39-101. god this pitching is really special huh 40-101. nice win idiot. no room for error now 40-102. who the hell is mccade brown

79-68. halloween has come early to seattle with all these witches and knights

78-68. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

77-68. oh my god y'all it's happening

76-68. TOUGH AS NAYLZ

75-68. ALL HAIL THE ETSY WITCH

74-68. I'm losing steam y'all

let's check in on the AL playoff contenders yankees: something about cowboys blue jays: unc still got it tigers: the greatest carry job by a pitcher since king felix red sox: folding without roman anthony astros: sacrificing babies under enron field to ensure NBEHTTA mariners:

73-68. what in the everloving fuck are we doing

off-day update. regroup and go on a run PLEASE I BEG YOU

73-67. I swear to all that is holy if we miss the playoffs AGAIN

73-66. oh mein gott we can't under any circumstances be the road team if we stay in the playoff picture

39-98. HE'S A MONIAK 39-99. on the cusp of a century of humiliation

73-64. hey miller looked pretty good actually 73-65. hey rivas looked pretty good actually

38-98. they've spelunked below the main chart for now

72-64. unlimited genocide on the KKKleveland guardianSS

72-63. eeeugh. ohio's a terrible state

38-96. idk what else we expected them to do against THEM 38-97. there's still a chance of a 2011-12 bobcats-esque 0-for-30 run to end the season

off-day update. to not lose any ground when they got the last place team and we got the (then) first place team is a miracle

38-95. thanks for nothing

72-62. NOOOOOOO THE STREAK

38-94. for naught

71-62. last year's team doesn't even make this a contest, let alone come all the way back. this team is different

71-61. EVEN FLOOOOOOOW

37-94. and now they have to face the astros. god help them

70-61. ONE FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS

37-93. can't even keep the "pirates" off the board

69-61. Never Bunt FC vindicated

69-60. caption. idfk my head is killing me rn

37-92. prolonging the inevitable

37-91. it's hard to believe they were on a sub-spiders pace as late as the start of june