CareGiver-113 Mom asked me yesterday if Dad was dead. Stupid me said yes, then she asked how long, I said 4 years. She may not remember my answers or even her questions. I should have said that he was at work and was going to be working late tonight. Tell them positives, not negatives. Sighhhh

CareGiver-112 I am finally starting to be able to sleep all night and not wake up worrying about what Mom is doing this time. She is safe and being taken care of at Memory Care. They are GREAT!! She has declined, which is what I had been told to expect. Still sad.

CareGiver-111 Soon I will be back at my home and I will need to create a new life there. Visit family, new friends, new routines, new restaurants/malls/everything. And I will be done being the CareGiver of Mom and CareDriver of one of the other friend. I will have spare time. What will I do ?

CareGiver-110 It was a very long road to sell the house: mom left the water running in the master bathroom, overflowed thru the main floor hallway, and a little thru the hardwood floor into the basement. Abatement went well, gave money to the buyers for them to complete the repairs. So so close....

CareGiver-109 Closed on Mom's house yesterday. Making final plans for Memory Care: final interview from Memory Care's nurse of me and Mom, selection of a move-in date, order her new furniture & stuff, purchase airline tickets, cancel utilities here & setup in Denver. So close to the finish line...

CareGiver-108 She is not willing to take a shower when the Aide is here. She will pace and then get real defensive. I will need to ensure that she takes one tomorrow night. It will be great to have the Memory Care Facility take care of this. I can see the finish line for Memory Care. Breathe.

CareGIver-107 She is hallucinating more as time progresses. She believes the preschool needs her and will be over any minute. She has been retired for over 20 years & nobody is coming over. Memory Care can not come soon enough.

CareGiver-106 Received the NY Birth Certificate in 3 days! Holy cow!!! Successfully applied for Real ID today, expected in 2 weeks. One step closer to moving back home (Thornton) and mom into Memory Care. Mom's mental capacity is diminishing quickly, sadly.

CareGiver-105 Found the marriage certificate, just need the birth certificate. Closer. Sooooo much closer. Oh yeah, sold the house and then it flooded. In the midst of fixing it. No closing until it is fixed. I can see the finish line. Breathe, breathe, and breathe some more.

CareGiver-104 Needed to get Mom's license updated to be Real ID approved. Need a birth certificate & marriage certificate if her name was changed. Couldn't find either. Went online for birth cert and they needed the burough & hospital names - Mom & her brother didn't know it. Faked it. Sighh

CareGiver-103 I wish for a good death. Quick & painless for me & everybody around me. I do not want to put my family/friends thru this with me. And I don't want to go thru this for myself, not knowing reality & putting others on this trip to hell. Good death, quick & painless, please.

CareGiver-102 Another friend of Mom's friends is breaths away from death.He has dementia, knew it, and just wanted to die.Was upset every day when he woke up that he wasn't dead.He is in a coma now, hopefully his wish will be granted soon.Such a sweet harmless & giving soul.He didn't deserve this.

CareGiver-101 I now have 2 friends of Moms that are showing Alzheimer's. Their friends were terrified already, this made it worse. None of them have support like Mom did with me. I just happened to have been available and willing to help her thru this. They are screwed.

CareGiver-100 I never wanted to help Mom take a shower, but I finally had to. She didn't have tp, so she used whatever was nearby. This also means the sheets were a mess. She acted like a little helpless girl when I asked her to please take a shower. She had no idea what to do. Asked how I learned.

CareGiver-99 Be at peace w/ your decisions. They are the best at the time. Don't yell, they are not themselves. Keep calm, even keel, breathe. They don't know better anymore. Today is the best day of the rest of their life. They will only decline. There are worse things than death. This? Maybe.

CareGiver-98 We will hopefully close on the sale of Mom's house mid-May, move to my home in Denver, & her to Memory Care nearby. She will have a meltdown, but she is at a point where I need more help that is only available at Memory Care, 24x7 care. I am at peace with this decision. It is best.

CareGiver-98 Took a break from the world to deal with Mom more. Declining quickly. Didn't necessarily know who I was for 2-3 days, but was very comfortable with me. Had NO idea who my brother was. None. Waterfall due to overflow in her bathroom sink. OMG! Needs a shower BAD. I talked her into one.

CareGiver-97 Create a Diary and document everything. The more detail the better. Allows for a look-back and a cover-your-butt (CYB) for those that question your motives/objectives/means/solutions. Not that you should care, but just to be careful. Breathe, breathe, & breathe.

CareGiver-96 Hallucinations & meltdowns, 2 signs that it may be time for a Care Facility. Mom has both w/ both increasing. For both of our safety, adult-proofing w/ lock at top of front/garage doors to keep her inside, & block the sliding door.

CareGiver-95 Closer to Mom being in MemoryCare, so close. Meeting w/ Realtor, buy airline tics, rent a car, move to my place in Thornton, sell the house, move Mom to MemoryCare. She is going to be so ticked off at me, but there is no viable choice anymore. Too many meltdowns to deal with.

CareGiver-94 Mom's Doc has signed off on her no longer being of sound mind to take care of any financials. I can now make all of the arrangements to move her to my home. Bittersweet is the best word I can think of. And then again, with the US being destroyed, I may be forced to stay with her. :-(

CareGiver-93 1 night Mom said that she doesn't know where she would be w/o me. I didn't answer her. I thought "You would be dead", but didn't say it. Unfortunately, it is/was the answer to her question. Yeah, she would be dead by now, covered in feces and urine. I have/will keep Mom safe and secure.

CareGiver-92 I wish there was a book that was able to tell us what to expect, what do to, when to do it, how to do it, where to do it.But, each case has it own journey.Kind of like fingerprints, no 2 are the same. Similar maybe.Same: be/stay calm, don't surprise them, be gentle, be kind, & breathe.

CareGiver-91 Yeah, I have an appt with the Dr to discuss next steps, her recommendations, and what is currently going on. Will be an interesting meeting which I am looking forward to having. Terrifying to have, but I need it for both the Dr and me. I need & want her with me. So close.

CareGiver-90 Finally figured it out. Was about her weekly hair appt. It only took me 20 subjects before I got it right. And of course, she is all bent at me. I SOOO want to yell at her, but it would do way more harm then good. So, I just shake my head in my head so she doesn't see it. Breatheeee

CareGiver-89 Mom is bonkers tonight. She had a great time with the Aide, was sleeping when I got home. Woke up a little bit ago and went off on me because I had no idea what she was trying to ask me. Then asked if I was trying to put her in the looney. I really had no idea what she was getting to.

CareGiver-88 Orig I took the County's investigation as a personal attack. I sat back to think about it & now I take it as validation for what I want to do. The County investigator will clear me of any wrong doing & validate that I am taking great care for her. Validation is great, will be great.

CareGiver-87 Mom wants 2 go 2 Denver & very possibly stay. I need to see the Dr soon to chat about this & the County's investigation into Mom's safety: physical, mental, financial. I want them to be contacted, to tell them that I want this done soon. I can't make plans until this has been completed.

CareGiver-86 Just realized. Once I move back to Denver I will no longer be a CareDriver. Mom's lease car will be turned in & I will only have my F-150. My F-150 is a tad too high for people to get in/out of. Well now, my CareDriver days will be done when I move to Denver. That will be good.

CareGiver-85 I talked to Mom very calmly, asked her to not yell at me, that I am taking care of it. I then told the Aide she could leave & all is good. Sometimes the fit is not there. I told her that the original Aide would be the only 1 & when she is not available I would stay home. Breathe

CareGiver-84 Had a new Aide tonight, was a total disaster. Mom had a meltdown and wanted to call the police, the Aide called me to tell me everything, I told her I was on my way & then chatted w/ Mom. I told her I was on the way and to please not call the police. I got home & no police were called.

CareGiver-83 I have been a CareDriver for a friend & then a 2nd friend. I told the 2nd that I cannot do it on a regular basis. I am #1, Mom is #2, Bonnie is #3, he is #4. Mom is needing a lot more. Until Mom is in Memory Care, my availability is shrinking. Priority #1 needs to taking care of.

CareGiver-82 Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. It is terminal, it robs a piece at a time, they have no control over their actions, they lose inhibitions, their essence slowly disappears. Never know how much they will drop moment to moment. I cannot fathom how bad it feels from their side.

CareGiver-81 Plan B is coming up. Keep Mom w/ me, move to Denver, sell her house, use the funds to hire help as needed, be the sole CareGiver (still). I have no idea how I will be able to do this mentally. This is already taking a toll on me. I don't know how much I have left. Breathe, breathe, sigh

CareGiver-80 W/o Medicaid, I will be forced to take Mom back from the Care Facility when she runs out of money. At the time when she will need the most care, I will be back to being 100% her CareGiver. 100% of who knows what she will be at that point. I think I will just keep her w/ me. Sighhhhh.

CareGiver-79 Your mental & physical health is everything. Remember, YOU are priority # 1, the CareReceiver is priority # 2. Without you, the CareReceiver will need to do without your fantastic help. Without you, you have nothing, and that isn't fair. Breathe, breathe, & breathe some more.

CareGiver-77 Being a CareGIver can be a rewarding experience. But it can also be a huge drain of your energy, both physical and mental. Hire Aides, use Day Care Centers, involve friends & relatives, give yourself breaks. Money isn't everything, your mental & physical health is everything.

CareGiver-78 Ensure the CareReceiver's Doctors are kept up to date, with w/ the disease's progress, $$ progress, things you are doing to help her, and your progress. The Doctors are part of your team and unless they are on your side, they will be the Gate Keeper. Keep the gate open.

CareGiver-76 Conversation w/ a friend. She said that I have it worse with Mom then she had with hers. I explained that neither is worse, they both suck for the CareGiver and CareReceiver. Some are degrees of worse or better, but they are all different and it is not a contest.

CareGiver-75 Expect the worse from some relatives, be surprised at the good.My brother, I expect the worst from, he even outdid it today.Hold my beer and watch this. He thinks Mom/I are staying in the house until she dies.Nope, sell the house and then MemoryCare. I can't care for mom til she dies.

CareGiver-74 I have to remember that Mom is now more like a child than an adult for a lot of things. Her feelings can be easily hurt, she is much more fragile, she is having more meltdowns and the last one took all day to bring her out of. MemoryCare as soon as they have an opening. Soon. Breathe..

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CareGiver-73 Hmm, may need to stay with Mom longer than wanted. No room either of the 2 places I liked and wanted to pay the money for. Or I just pay more. Hmmm, going to be thinking about this. Not stressing, just will reset my expectations. Oh well.

CareGiver-72 I am so ready for Memory Care for Mom after today's moments. She asked me for 2+ hours what she was allowed to feed Tommy (my service dog). I told her nothing, only I am allowed to feed him. I finally asked her if I needed to lock up all the food. She didn't even understand that. Sighhh

CareGiver-73 You WILL have bad moments, just keep them as moments. Don't waste the rest of your moments over the bad ones. And you can have bad moments at the same time as good moments. Bad moments, that is all they are, just moments. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

CareGiver-72 Wow, first invoice or the Aide, Jan = $469. Feb will = $720. But worth every penny as I have me time & I know she takes showers. I hate having the money drain out, but I need to protect me, the CareGiver, number 1. Do the same. You are #1, act like it.

CareGiver-71 Having an Aide 3hrs/2x/week, mainly to help Mom take showers, is so worth the $. The freedom to do what I want to do and to not worry for those times, is AMAZING. I dislike spending the money, but the freedom & peace of mind makes it priceless. Fri night Sushi w/ friends, priceless.

CareGiver-70 When is Memory Care appropriate ? When they aren't or you are almost at your breaking point. You are #1, your health is #1, they are #2. Without you, they could be defenseless. Take care of #1, always! Breathe, relax.... Ahhhh. I constantly remind myself of this.

CareGiver-69 I keep Mom's purse/wallet at home. 1 less thing to track. So, how the heck was she going to pay for her check that wasn't hers ? Hmmmmmm. And then she was upset with me the rest of the night. Tommy (my dog) and I went upstairs out of her reach. Peace & quiet. Closer to Memory Care