Pitch exhaustion? Try #UnHingedPit. A laugh a day. Yada. Yada. Side effects may include thumb swelling, eye strain, split sides, headache, nausea, and death. Until the pill kicks in, my book’s about the choice a man faces after his baby dies and his love can’t have another. #WTF? I mean #WF

The Acid Trip: A Serial Romance Exclusive content for subscribers of The Written Record, a free newsletter by Morris the Spider. Sign up today! #QuestPit #W Chapters 1 & 2 available now. Chapter 3 dropping soon. www.morristhespider.com/blog

Amidst the unrest at Woodstock 99, Gettie forges a pact with Ray, the guitarist who fell offstage and onto her. He'll protect her from the beer-buzzed bros, and she'll ensure that tripping balls remains memorable for all the right reasons. Falling for each other wasn't part of the deal. #QuestPit #W

And so this is Christmas. And potentially the visual metaphor of my querying journey.

#QuestPit Let’s ride! Maybe it will drown out his sadness. Or make him forget the loss. It probably won’t make that selfish desire for fatherhood fade. It definitely won’t replace Gettie. But f*ck it. It’s worth a try. #WF #BC #CR "Your Bike” Music by Muza Production, Adobe Stock education license

#QuestPit She knows his secret—wanting to be a dad. She can’t give it to him, so she lets him go. But when she’s seen with that other guy, he questions what his wish truly is. And realizes what he already has. Family. #WF #BC #AR Deep Cuts X Everything After X And Just Like That

Querying is brutal so I’m writing for my mental health and serializing a story as exclusive content for my newsletter subscribers. I’m as jazzed about the banner art as much as the story. (🕸️ 🔗 in bio)

Need vs. Want. Eli wants to be a dad. Gettie needs him to admit it. He won’t because she can no longer conceive, and getting what he wants means giving up Gettie. Choosing means losing. #DVPit #WF #BC #R Deep Cuts Everything After And Just Like That

Psst. Did you know cancer is a disability with 20M diagnoses made a year? Fiction featuring characters who die outnumber those who survive. Let’s change that. Scars, Cars, and a Rock Star features Gettie, an external thriver, yet internal hot mess, navigating love after breast cancer. #DVPit #WF

From red carpets to Red Rocks, Borrowed Bandana follows a singer on his first solo tour, and his soulmate, who sacrifices their romance after losing their miracle baby, so he can reflect on his desires for another chance at parenthood, knowing it was her last. #DVPit #WF Deep Cuts X Everything After

#UnhingedPit 52 & 39-year-old protags? Unthinkable Not one rock star love interest, but two? Unbalanced Music tropes instead of hockey? Unsound Book Club themes in the age of BookTok? Unfortunate Borrowed Bandana. Unhinged “Your Bike” Music by Muza Production, Adobe Stock education license

#PosterPit Need vs. Want. Eli wants to be a dad. Gettie needs him to admit it. He won’t because she can no longer conceive, and getting what he wants means giving up Gettie. Choosing means losing. Deep Cuts Everything After And Just Like That #Q #A #BC #WF #R

Need vs. Want. Eli wants to be a dad. Gettie needs him to admit it. He won’t because she can no longer conceive, and getting what he wants means giving up Gettie. Choosing means losing. Deep Cuts Everything After And Just Like That #PosterPit #Q #A #BC #WF #R

From red carpets to Red Rocks, Borrowed Bandana follows a singer on his first solo tour, and his soulmate, who selflessly sacrifices their romance after losing their miracle baby, so that he can reflect on his desires for another chance at parenthood, knowing it was her last. #PosterPit #Q #BC #WF

From red carpets to Red Rocks, a singer navigates his first solo tour as his soulmate sacrifices their relationship after their baby's neonatal death, forcing him to envision life with her or as a father without her. #QuestPit #Q #A #BC #WF #R Deep Cuts X Everything After X And Just Like That

Need vs. Want. Eli wants to be a dad. Gettie needs him to admit it. He won’t because she can no longer conceive, and getting what he wants means giving up Gettie. He needs to figure his 💩 out. #QuestPit #Q #A #BC #WF #R Deep Cuts X Everything After X And Just Like That

Deep Cuts X And Just Like That Need vs. want. Eli wants to be a dad. Gettie needs him to admit it. He won’t because she can no longer conceive and getting what he wants means giving up Gettie. He needs to figure his 💩 out. #BluePit 📖 #DIS #Q #WF/BC/R

BORROWED BANDANA PLAYLIST: Adventure of a Lifetime One Little Victory Sweet Child O’Mine Hurt Love Will Tear Us Apart Over the Hill Too Good at Raising Hell Jolene Epiphany Last Kiss Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word Ain’t No Mountain High Enough #UnhingedPit #WF #BC #R

🚨BREAKING: Eli Anders (39) arrested for excessive speeding, a class 3 misdemeanor, at 1:23am. A sheriff’s deputy clocked the rocker on his motorcycle driving north on US-93. The singer’s alleged speed was 115mph. Arraignment scheduled at 10am. Daisy Jones X Sex and the City #UnhingedPit #WF #BC #R

🚨 BREAKING: Eil Anders, the former frontman of Fifth and the Shots, facing allegations of using AI-generated vocals on his GRAMMY-winning hit song, was arrested in Mohave County, AZ. His arraignment is scheduled for 10 a.m. Daisy Jones X Sex and the City #UnhingedPit #WF #BC #R

Does anyone else feel like wishing someone “good luck” comes across snarky and disingenuous these days? Like it’s been ruined by sarcasm.

I won an award. Got the VP for Regional Campuses and Online Education to flash the sign of the horns with me. Such a fun event, even without the award. 🤘🤘

Y’all! I just got followed by, not one but two, Elon Musks. They’re multiplying! If I can get one more, I can play a bot shell game.

#WIPPIT Eli is content not being a dad, yet he and his partner conceive, changing his mind. But neonatal death rocks his relationship, and he desires another chance, knowing it was his partner’s last. With adoption off the table, he must choose—epic love or fatherhood. #WF #R #BC

#WIPPIT Neonatal death rocks Eli and Gettie's relationship. He wants a child. She can’t have another. His tour and her mural commission become a Ross & Rachel-style break. But when Gettie’s friendship with her client plays out on social media, Eli questions his desires. And hers. #WF #R #BC

‘87 Caprice Featuring pencils, brushes, blueberries, diamond and sapphire rings, chocolate chip cookies, butterflies, cinnamon sticks, budgie parakeets, and little blue pills to keep the pencils hard

#WritingCommunity Do your 2x2 16:9 agent guide images look awesome on X but cropped on 🦋? Pro tip: Size your artboards at 1100x730 for Bluesky.

#QuestPit Eli is content not being a dad, yet he and his partner conceive, changing his mind. But neonatal death rocks his relationship, and he desires another chance, knowing it is his partner’s last. With adoption off the table, he must choose—once-in-a-lifetime love or fatherhood. #W #WF #BC #R

1. Take a ballerina w/ a panic disorder 2. Have fantasy fugitives kidnap her for their leader’s magic stuck w/in her 3. Threaten her family so she’ll live w/ them until it can be returned 4. Watch her risk everything she loves for freedom & her ballet dream #Questpit #Q #YA #F #M #R #agentsguide

#QuestPit #WIP #WF #R Eli is content not being a dad, yet he and his partner conceive, changing his mind. But neonatal death rocks his relationship, and he desires another chance, knowing it was his partner’s last. With adoption off the table, he must choose—once-in-a-lifetime love or fatherhood.

#QuestPit #Q #WF #A #C #R Her: Land gallery representation in LA. Stop the tabloid fodder from getting under her skin. Don’t let the rocker know she's falling. Him: Consider the solo gig. Keep the fodder from scaring her off. Don’t blurt those 3 little words. Easier said than done.

#litagents #amquerying LA wasn’t Gettie’s only potential market for artist representation. But it was the one her heart was set on. The rocker on her SoCal flight fell hard and fast, his heart set on her. But baggage gets heavy, art is subjective, and love doesn’t conquer all. #A #C #R #WF #BC

#PosterPitQ #A #C #R #WF #BC LA wasn’t Gettie’s only potential market for artist representation. But it was the one her heart was set on. The rocker on her SoCal flight fell hard and fast, his heart set on her. But baggage gets heavy, art is subjective, and love doesn’t conquer all.

#PosterPitQ #A #C #R #WF #BC 🎼🎶🎵 A weary rocker boards a plane Seated in the aisle. The cutie at the window Enchants him with her smile. She tries to hide her hurt and pain And he attempts the same. But the mask she wears, he sees through While she sees beyond his fame. 🎶🎵🎙️

#PosterPitQ #A #R #WF Her: Land gallery representation in LA. Don’t let the rocker know she's falling. Stop the tabloid fodder from getting under her skin. Him: Consider the solo gig. Keep the fodder from scaring her off. Don’t blurt those 3 little words.

Congratulations to all the #RevPit winners and runner-ups! While I had no expectation of being a winner, I won’t lie. I totally scanned for my name. To all the editors and first readers, your time is appreciated and valued. Thank you. Until next time, it’s back to the grind.

Retro vibes and California dreaming for G&E. (I can't take credit for the car. It's a stock illustration.) #RevPitWaiting #RevPit

“I travel about as well as Donald Trump dances, awkwardly and with maybe too much weight.” —Scars, Cars, and a Rock Star #1stLinePit #Q #A #R #WF #BC

I travel about as well as Donald Trump dances, awkwardly with maybe too much weight. —Scars, Cars, and a Rock Star #1stLinePit #Q #A #R #WF #BC

#amquerying The flight wasn’t supposed to change Gettie’s life. Acing her interviews and bagging gallery representation was. Seat 4B shared her need to kill germs. Eradication led to banter and TMI. TMI led to intimacy. Intimacy led to the thing too hard to abandon if her dream didn’t land.

The hardest part about the querying process is the conflicting advice. Anyone old enough to remember how eggs were advertised as healthy and then they were the worst thing you could eat and then they were good again? Querying feels like that. #RevPit #10queries

‘73 Buick Century 12”x12” Paper on canvas

I had fun crafting my #UnhingedPit. It was a last minute decision but worth the hour to flex the marketing muscles. I browsed the hashtag this morning. I can see how hard it is for #litagents to make decisions. The sheer volume! Whoa! Y’all are a bunch of crafty pants. Great job!

BREAKING NEWS: Lucky to be alive. Famed frontman for Fifth and the Shots, Eli Anders, was the victim of a violent crash while riding his motorcycle last evening in Ocean Park. The band’s manager asks fans to respect his privacy as he recovers in this difficult time. #UnhingedPit #Q#A#WF#R

Really, Joann? Come experience our death rattle and get discounts on the bones not picked clean. RIP, girl. You’ll be missed. 💔

Love this idea and the haunting design of @myleejmiller.bsky.social. Wondering if concert posters count?

A surgically scarred cancer survivor strikes out on a risky path, determined to become LA’s hottest newly represented artist when she meets a road-weary rocker with his own scars and path to forge on a fateful flight that leads them to look and love deeper than their surface-level pain and flaws.

Querying authors: 👋 I’m in the trenches with you. If you’re open to writing help, also consider being open to design help for your agents guides. I’m happy to give feedback (no cost) to help make yours stronger. I have 25 years of graphic design experience. Little tweaks make a world of difference.

Let the puzzle begin. The inspiration Joann receipt may not make it in. I even changed cars. In my art, cigars are never just cigars.

The first draft of my WIP is complete. Let the editing begin.