I desperately wanted to ask my dentist if he dreams (has nightmares) of disembodied mouths and or teeth but I figured it was inappropriate

Robin Hood confirmed that I was A. attracted to a cartoon and B. not a furry

A short, sentimental list about Key Chains by mayonnaise hands

If you don't think Afghan Hounds look like Judith Light we can't be friends

Did anyone ever realize that Ash Ketchum's last name foretold his future? He had to Catch 'Em all. Get it? Katchum. Catch 'em.

Are people really out here raw-dogging YouTube?

Turning off uBlock Origin and refreshing a YouTube page is fucking frightening.

Fall has sprung

Points to Angela Lansbury on the TV: Is she still alive in real life?

While it's sad she died, it was pretty funny that Diane Keaton's wiki page cited that she died in the Los Angeles fires. Riffraff will riffraff until the cops show up.

Filthy Frank foretold the prophecy and will forever be culturally relevant

My reflux pills live in my nightstand next to my vibrator

We forced Jimmy give up his peanut farm and now Trump has a website where you can give him money

Him: Did you see the harvest moon last night? I text you about it. His Text: Moon big

Ya' know there really is something to be said about drinking a soda out of a 32oz styrofoam cup when it's 90 degrees outside in October

To the lovely lady at the Seattle Airport horking in the bathroom stall next to me... I feel you, girl.

Jane Goodall was cool as hell. I was obsessed with watching documentaries about her work and thought she was rad as fuck for wanting to chill with primates

I slammed a Choco Pie right after I was done working out

“... we’ll have dinner together at a local restaurant and we’ll be able to walk. We don’t have to go by an armored plated vehicle.” Trump went to dinner earlier this month a few blocks from the White House to show it was safe even for him to venture out. He rode over in his armored limousine

If you were ever wondering what being 5'1" at a concert was like, it's like this

There is no way iTunes Visualizer was ever as good as Milk Drop

You guys, I keep hard candies in my bag.

I'm really shocked that in my mid-forties I can go to a metal show and headbang all night, get up at 10:30am, drive two hours with traffic back home, work out, unload the dishwasher, and then take an everything shower.

It's 7:30am and my office mate is clipping their nails. Someone kill me.

I'll never forgive the right for making me defend Jimmy Kimmel

What is this drink starving? *confusingly looks around* Thirsty.

"This is so nice!" They said while sipping coffee, breeze blowing on their face, Lexapro pumping through their veins, indica kickin' in, looking across the island they live on, and gaze upon the oil refinery.

I'll never forget my Women's Studies professor taking attendance on 9/11

"I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights." Charlie Kirk, 2023

There is seriously nothing not cool about lava lamps

While eating a deconstructed Spam Musubi: Everyone just needs to take an antidepressant and smoke a little weed. It would make everything better.

Me: I like muscles. Him: Well, it depends. I don't like Chinese Buffet muscles. Me: ... Ok ...

As a former Apple Store employee, I used to joke that I was waiting for the iPhone 17

Welcome to Opening Day of School Shooting Season. Minnesota is already starting off strong

This description? Automatic DNF

Take the egg to make the mayo, then take the mayo to mix with the egg to make the omelette

Do yourself a favor and turn on the Brooks Falls live stream of Brown Bears catching salmon. Then marvel in the camera work of the explore.org volunteers.

You know what we desperately need while capitalism is in the midst of falling? The Jo and Bill Harding (Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton) origin story from Twister.

I'm #blessed to live in the same timeline as swiss cheese

Are spiders just softshell land crabs?

Edamame is a good starter bean. A gateway bean if you will.

Today is the most Pacific Northwest ass kind of day

If you're like me, when everyone was saying Dean Cain, your fucked up brain was thinking it was Howard Dean

If this doesn't represent the ferry system, I don't know what does

Don’t invite me if there’s no food at some point.

To be a cat that loves the sun

Literally what Republicans thought Obama was doing on 9/11

Seems like an odd coincidence that the FBI forces out more leaders and THE SAME DAY they announce they will help locate Texas Democrats who fled the state to avoid redistricting. No state or federal law has been broken by the Texas Democrats.

There's nothing better than doing laundry at 10:54pm on a Sunday

Can we normalize making your own sourdough starter to make loaves of homemade sourdough bread to then make the leftovers into croutons as a snack?