Avengers: Doomsday trailer surprises Mystique transforms into Joan Didion and talks counterculture with Magneto Even fatter Thor Doctor Doom tries to catch Cap’s shield but bobbles it and acts like he meant to

I didn’t think the lepers would eat my face

JD Vance and the art of the deal

Looking forward to next week’s shocking and unpredictable news

Such an honor for Kevin Kline that they named a spacecraft after his Wild Wild West character

Unlike the NCAA with their 9pm championship game, at least Trump is threatening WWIII at 8pm Eastern, early enough for kids to see before they go to bed.

Hello Cooperstown, can I book hotel rooms now for 2047 when Kevin McGonigle makes the Hall of Fame

In “The Purloined Radioactive Material” the US spends weeks searching for enriched uranium under mountains and at military facilities. However, Inspector Dupin deduces that the Iranians would be hiding it in plain sight, finding it in the Ayatollah’s kitchen in a mason jar labeled “Nuclear Stuff.”

Thomas Pynchon accepting the Academy Award was nuts. Went on for like 3 minutes. Guy wants us to donate to save otters.

Sinners had heart, but One Battle After Another had one battle after another

Next year’s Wrestlemania in Riyadh might save on the pyro budget

“They are worse than we are not.” Seven words that seem to define everything right now.

Operation Dow 50,000 is under way, as OpenAI is sending drones to target anyone not wearing an Ayatollah Assahola T-shirt

Trump shows passionate pro-environmental stance by giving the double bird to the Supreme Court justices

30 seconds into overtime and it just feels like a different sport

Great, looking forward to the A.I. finding the quickest way toward energy efficiency in the Altman family

There’s an orthopedic insole in my boot

I know they “didn’t make the playoffs” and “didn’t earn it” and “are in the wrong conference” but this would have been a better game if the Seahawks were playing the Lions

Main critique of the halftime show was only a brief shot of Pedro Pascal—I didn’t want him to do anything but appear in the corner of like 4 more shots

This actually feels like a Percival Everett novel where X won’t use the training text until the author makes it “Grok enough” with racism and propping up Nazism and pedophilia

DJ Moore subtweet

If the Jaguars win the Super Bowl the NFL will really be showing their pro-London bias

As a parent and a football fan I move to abolish all point-related kicking from football because watching the misses makes me sad

Grok, I see a woman creeping around in the wallpaper. Put her in a tasteful one-piece

Jose Ramirez

Bari Weiss refusing to publish “Bartleby the Scrivener” because Melville “was unable to get quotes from the title character”

Looking forward to hearing Trump explain how our chocolate rations have gone from 40 grams all the way up to 20 grams, numbers no one has ever seen before quite honestly

The Browns have a D-lineman named Alex Wright and I always get sad when he doesn’t dance after his sacks

Don’t go to commercial during The Temptations you monsters

I got the duck to swallow the chicken, but the turkey is really resisting gobbling down the duck. Hypnotists on call?

I’ve been telling students for years that if they use AI for their writing they’ll go to Hell and now it’s official

If the Pistons lose their next 65 games they will still end up with a better record than they did two seasons ago

The Shedeur Sanders era begins with 2 hopeful completions unceremoniously interrupted by a giant sack. Try not to be too on the nose, Cleveland writers

I agree that books from 1890-1930 are so fucking Alpha. Red Badge of Courage? Fucking MANLY war shit. The Jungle? Guys fucking falling into industrial vats, real Joker stuff. Orlando? Haven’t read it, but the author’s last name is Woolf so you know it’s as Alpha as it gets

Today, I once again honor those who continue to embody what it means to be crafty: Mercedes Lewis, Al Horford, and Rich Hill among others.

It’s the same list as Pope Leo XIII (1878-1903), except “TRAIN IS COMING RIGHT AT US!!” has climbed to #1

Elon was the one who bought a signed first edition of The Iliad for Jennifer Lopez

Heh heh, I’d hate to be the guy playing against Johnathan Taylor in fantasy youtu.be/FQu0dxbTUHc?...

Continuing to project competency and 21st century winning

With his last breath, Dick Cheney whispers “Babylon.” A snowglobe depicting nuclear winter in a desert landscape rolls out of his hand, shattering. But what appeared to be sand is actually yellowcake uranium. Everyone around him dies needlessly.

Oh no, Blue Jays have Brad Paisley warming up in the bullpen

Should never have lied about Reagan’s tariffs

Dodgers should cut Ohtani

Stay after the Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere Credits to see Harry Belafonte approach Bruce to form the We Are the World initiative

I think bad NFL reffing luck is like the movie It Follows. You gotta pass it on to the next team before it really gets you. Lions and it, handed it to Tampa. Next week the Saints are about to contract a bad case of yellow flag

Exit, pursued by a claims adjuster

Looks like you want me to degrade you—fantastic! Would you like me to call you a dirty name? I can create a spreadsheet of moderately cruel insults—perhaps something related to current events of 2023?