If your hair looks great in the woods and a tree falls, but no one sees it, did your hair even look great?

Go to bed, bitch. 😴

Shoutout to quiet, foggy mornings.

I lived it: It got cold and I just blacked out. When I came to, the rice cooker was going off and the gumbo was ready.

It’s been so long I think I forgot how to do this. Up and down, right? Is that it? Spot me.

sunday slip

Not dressing up this year, but I did dress up THIS year and felt pretty good about it. Normalize wearing molded, plastic torsos year round. Happy Halloween, y’all.

Who is that man I see staring straight back at me?

😮‍💨

photosynthesizing

Hair is entering push-back territory. Watch this space.

Proud of my spooky boys. 🎃

🧌fe fi fo fum… onto these tiddies, let’s get some sun🌞

Nothing to see here. Just keeping the lights on at my local rotisserie chicken establishment and reaping the benefits. 🍗

“Went to Fat Bear Week and everyone knew you.” -cunty little park ranger

“Black-And-White Things” was a Connections group today.

Pillows ✨Luke’s Version✨ Did I do it right? Never not inspired by @spartacubs.bsky.social.

It’s fun to think of all the Friday posts that aren’t dick-related being in a crowded room full of human-sized, anthropomorphic penises that ignore them.

Big prayer convention in NO at the end of the month. DM’s rolling in like clockwork. “Can we meet?” “Where should we eat?” “Are you my dad?” These plans rarely work out. Plus, I’ll be deep in… prayer. Babish’s recent trip is full of great recs, tho. These aren’t *my* favorites, but could be yours.

hair today/gone tomorrow

I can’t be alone here. 🔁

Thinking about how chill a nuclear reactor on the moon would be. 🌝🌚 …anywayyyy, here’s your pound of flesh.

Pro tip: keep a basket of hand towels just under your bed for easy access and a guaranteed…

POV: You’re a tiny little elf that lives in my shower drain and you’ve come to watch me dry off with your lustful eyes…

Chewy, post-breakfast lie down.

I just saw god in a black garlic miso ranch.

A little vitamin D will fix everything, I’m sure. 😅

Hot takes on the cool-down: You’re all lying to yourselves about frozen grapes. They’re too cold and, no matter the variety, the flavor just gets lost. Just chew on ice. Leave the grapes alone. Stop encouraging people to freeze (ruin) their deliciously juicy grapes. 🍇🙅🏻‍♂️🧊

Happy Pride, daddy sluts. Remember, they only hate us cause they ain’t us. 🫶🌈✌️

🔁 *not to be confused with She-Ra and the Princesses of Power on Netflix, which also happened to slap in a similar/equally gay way.

If it’s not a crazy, custom, cartoon, car sun-shade kind of love, I don’t want it.

Babe, wake up. A new episode of NYMPHOWARS just dropped (on Wednesday) and I’m pissing everywhere with laughter (especially the bit about Casper, WY 🤣).

Send help. I sat down for a minute to watch the local news/weather, and I fear I may now be here forever.

Them: “Are you wearing the ne…” Me: “The neck-cooling ice ring? Yeah. I am.”

Mondays…am I right, ladies? Ack!

💦wet hot summer incoming💦

The lifeguard on duty keeps trying to administer mouth-to-mouth.

fat steak friday

🫡 Rest in peace to this pop punk icon. If I wasn’t gay before hearing this song in 1995, I certainly was after.

🔁

Went out AFTER DARK in the middle of the week. Who am I? Am I in danger? No. Got to see Bob the Drag Queen film their new special, though. Thanks for the invite, boys. 🧑‍🧒‍🧒 @dorian85gray.bsky.social @bcb73.bsky.social

I know a recipe for chicken thighs must hate to see me coming. 👀

big guy/blue sky🦋

Thinking about Epic Universe & the White Lotus finale tomorrow & how, just a week ago, I had never heard of Labubu, but now, thanks to algorithms & cookies(?) & probably my pre-existing interest in blind bag figures (but no real effort on my part), I know a lot about Labubu. Labubu is fun to say. 🍼

These Epic Universe sneak peaks got me like 🫨 And I’m not even much of a theme park guy.

Me and my big fat cock read this book this week. Very quick read. It made me laugh out loud. Great debut from Bobbiana. Great distraction from all the horrors.

Can’t handle how dark and twisted *everything* is at the moment, so, naturally, escaping into the dark and twisted reality of Shen Yun, the omnipresent dance troupe, was the right call.

😅🍜