i'm never going to be anything other than a girl

bro why the fuck would I be writing in dutch

I love stimming it makes me really happy

I wish I was a boy. I hate being genderfluid. I hate waking up every day wondering whether I should bring extra clothes to school. I hate being happy and comfortable in my body sometimes and wanting to tear off my skin on other days.

why can't I stop having a crush on people? I'm only going to get hurt

i honestly wish I never met the people I have a crush on. not because I don't like them, but because i'm inevitably going to end up heartbroken no matter what happens

last night my mom said she thinks I might have ocd and honestly I might

I'm auditioning for a couple of solos in choir today

I have two weighted blankets now that combined weigh 25 pounds and I love it because I can fall asleep so much easier and they make me really happy

out of context lunch shit: "Mark, we're turning you into a god!" "being Irish does not give you a right to call Mark sexy" "I'm gonna put my head between your legs!" "if I had more dynamite, I could've made it work"

i'm wasting my weekend complaining about not having a binder and writing three-part mixed sheet music to bein' friends instead of studying for a health test i'll probably fail

what i wear when i'm dysphoric: three sports bras, sweatpants, the baggiest shirt i have, and a hoodie. (and then i die because it's like seventy five degrees in my house)

i wish i was a boy honestly

It's been a year. Holy fucking shit it feels unreal.

got muted on pixilart for violation of terms of use???? wtf??? i literally privated my account for a reason okay screw this i'm removing 99% of my followers because one of them must've reported me

i'm actually surprised at how high the rates of polyamorous relationships are, especially with that sort of marriage being illegal

i wish i could stop dreaming because my dreams will never become reality

one year

i want to make out with someone but no one loves me

oh yeah that same stupid asshole from the bus a couple weeks ago started preaching the goddamn gospel to be again today

i'm so emotionally drained

god god god god why why this cant be happening adksjfl;akdsfja;lskdfj;alksdfj;aksja

i want to stop feeling feelings because now i feel embarrassed and weird and stupid and i don't even want to talk about what i feel and al;kdjfas;ldkfjal;ksdfja;lksdfja;lskdjf;aslkdjfal;ksdfj

give me an axe

we have to pray or hope that everythign will be okay

nobody's making it through this week man

i had a dream that i blew up australia using a bomb made out of oranges, hand sanitizer, and dirt

im sorry for taking forever to think of things to say or not saying anything at all, it's like my brain straight up stops workign

i m g o n n a k i l l t r u m p /nsrs

1300 fuck yes. still 220 to go before I reach my goal but at least I improved

i feel like a horrible person. i am a horrible person. why do people say they want me around?

i won't be online until 5 or later today because i'm going to a convention so if anything happens then i won't know until later. love you guys, stay safe

last online two hours ago oh my god

nobodys going to die everything is amazing life is awesome

the world is ending

love feeling masculine, hate feeling dysphoric, but unfortunately i can't feel one without the other

i want to tear off my skin

i'm so scared for tomorrow

i don tknow what to do i dont knwo whta to do i wish i could do something but im too uselss

well i'll be dead in a week

1 day.

2 days, 9 days

tell me that you're okay and i'm fine/if you figure out your shit i'll forget mine/tell me that you're okay and i'm fine/got a tendency for codependency/tell me that the sadness ain't my fault/i can pick apart my mess but sterilize yours/tell me that the sadness ain't my fault

11 days

i hate my body and everything about it

well today was totally amazing (it was not. life sucks and i hate everything)

I had a dream that somebody thought I was a boy and it made me happy

i'm distracting myself from my depression and state of panic by pretending to be a responsible human being by studying for the SATs three years before I need to and I don't even know if the SATS even matter for Canada colleges but screw everything

I need to take my meds but I want to be sad right now because I deserve it