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Any English updates recently just wondering

Cereal Killer C4 is amazing. They made soda that tastes like milk.

There’s a bar named common ground and I thought it was a coffee shop

I like the forever lazy because that’s a funny name for something to have, I defy you to name any product including a blanket with arm holes that feels like it’s supposed to be a “forever lazy”

Love liking my own post when trying to look at who liked my post. Because that’s what that button is for! Adding a like to your own post! That’s what it’s for!

Russia is the 9th most populous country, and is behind Indonesia, Pakistan, Nigeria, and Bangladesh, countries we never accuse of controlling the president’s brain. On the other hand if they control the most land with the 9th most people that possibly shows some influence.

US is third globally in area and population, the first country in these rankings counting from one to have the same spot on both lists

The two largest countries are also some of the most exaggerated by the mercator projection

There are more Indian than Chinese people

80’s child: Natty Gann more like Ratigan Me: Ooh you’re right 80’s child 80’s child: I’m going to drink some apple juice from the 80’s

You need to respect how good werthers original salted caramel creme soft caramels actually are

Showing up in my conductor’s outfit only to be put to work using a hand trolley

Why does “Appalachia” have such an online presence? Where are the hundreds of screen names and history lesson memes dealing with people from the Rocky Mountains? The southwest desert? The Great Plains region? The Pacific Northwest? Really, what is going on with that?

I wonder if my ideas about what a person might go ahead and do that I had even in my 20’s were more moronic than other people or equally but I’m afraid yet inclined to believe it’s more.

Have you ever lost your DoorDash status because you forgot to turn earn by time back on when the session ended and you imagined the most money you could lose would be from completing the incredibly low paying order you accepted mechanically without wanting to

Going to go out to a restaurant and ask if I can go in their kitchen and get real fired up like on the shows

A movie about a guy who “puts the ‘bread’ in sweetbread” according to the promotional images by doing things like making a sweet day even more bread

If something happening in someone’s life is occurring in a montage you hear the music as they’re walking past

Dr. Pepper to be reformulated to taste like peppers “At last”

*watching people skateboard* studies do be finding things

Having that nightmare where I’m in the office of a rich person I blame for everything and they point me to their desktop and say “this is my work, do this” and I press a button then hear a cacophony and look out the window upon a massive ship capsizing

Because of everything that’s going on Robert Duvall killed himself with an exploding wristband like the predator

Eat two pizzas and chill until the next episode

*trying to press the hard gum back on to the underside of the table as she rushes out of the restaurant* they always say they want a nerd but they never want a gum cluster

Spending endless hours in the orchard where the sun never seems to set and I can’t remember how I got here call that call of fruity

Boris Johnson says chet jeepy-tea and that’s what I’ve had on my mind

Going to a restaurant and ordering the “ultimate feast” and somehow they bring something out but it’s too filling and you have to stop they won they put you on the “failed ultimate feast” wall which is in the basement with the other negative walls

Sumo wrestling is so perplexing, I feel like the training must work for some other application but it’s a secret. I watch a lot of sumo videos on instagram.

People try pretty soft to understand each other

NICE CAR WHERE DO YOU GET GAS FOR IT THE FART FACTORY?!?!?!

The biggest lie a miracle on 34th street told us was that marching into a court room with childrens letters to Santa will change the law, every expose on corruption is “childrens letters to Santa” so im being clear

One of my jobs is fast food and if I get on the register I tell people about the tip screen but the tips actually go to people in other positions in the restaurant and I just tell them because they run their card without looking and the transaction times out but they probably think I’m shilling

I keep daydreaming a montage of you scowling and training with battle ropes

Oh he invented putting Parmesan and butter on spaghetti? Really that was him? Ok I believe that so anyway Alfredo can go, who invented white sauce. It’s a white sauce that has specific ingredients and you have to be able to cook to make it, let’s re center to that so we can discuss a dish with

What will happen after the apocalypse? Hordes of roving savages in offroad vehicles? No. People murdering each other with broken bottles? Hardly. Saved by a miracle that restores the world? Absolutely not. What will happen is people building new, weird ways to live.

I’m the father who took step dancing classes

What I can say about gushing “practical effects!” or, as they used to, “cgi!” is it unintentionally establishes that neither is inherently better, and it tells me someone is adamantly adhering to what without artfulness is an arbitrary selection

Funny wish could be to have the monkey paw replace your hand. That would look terrible.

Bad Bunny bursting into Starbucks like YO SOY BAD BUNNY, DONDE ESTAS ME CAFE!?!?! YO RESPUESTO UNA BLANCO MESA GRANDE!!!!!

I was on my own by the age of 17. I went to Discovery Zone. But I mean I lived there. At the age of 17 I lived inside of a Discovery Zone.

They need to activate the replenisher

Someday in the future someone’s going to think QR Saint was something because the alphabet spells it and make the future equivalent of a long form video about chaucer and guttenberg and steve jobs with narration with really conceited self important intonation and endless grammar errors