Did anyone else think Tim Allen was their real dad when they were little? I did

Merry Yiffmas ❤️

Just realized Christmas falls on Bear Seduction Thursday this year OMFGGG

The American Lottery Association is right….. there’s POWER in balls

Welp. Just had to cut my 9 y/o niece out of my life for using Gen AI to make my Christmas card. Do better.

Unfortunately I will not be able to make it to my local gay bar’s “Hairy FISTmas Party,” as I have a scheduling conflict

Real eyes realize real lies </3 ***Mall with Becca and Casey later*** Cell is onnnn(:

Seated for the mandatory 1.5 hour long Holiday Fun Time meeting at work

You’re telling me a butter nutted in this squash?? 😂 just kidding

A plain 16oz coldbrew now costs over $7 at my local cafe

RELEASE YOUR TRADE

Lookit!

Hire bears, win awards. It’s really that simple.

*bomb-sniffing dog is smelling my crotch* Ayeee he knows bomb pussy when he smells it 😜 [I have 5lbs. of explosives strapped to my chest & an entire link of capicola up my ass]

The North Pole ❤️

The whether outside is frightful But the fire is soda light bowl ❤️

Social Media = “Show Hole” Media 🤯

In 22 days, 1996 will have been 50 years ago. Let that sink in.

LOVE Chicago in the snow ❤️ is it normal that I saw three (3) dead pigeons in less than 24 hours

Thinking too hard about whether the chicken or the egg came first makes me cry

wass6p

I’m sorry that there were men in my top 5 artists. I’ll be taking a few days off to reflect on how I can improve myself for next year

Dudeee I love your Spotify wrapped 😍 your top song is such a banger haha. And we have the same #3 artist 🤩 can you send me a pic of your feet haha

Not to sound obsessive, but likeee el chico del apartamento 512 él que hace a mi pobre corazón saltar. And it’s becoming a problem

Chicago looked so beautiful this morning ❤️

The year is almost over—post the 4 best pics of your balls, your taint from a 60 degree angle, your dickprint, and your hole from the side. I’ll go first

“Kirk O’Baine” was a 24 month sociological study conducted by Harvard University. We are now complete with our study. Thank you for your time.

Trying to telepathically communicate to the hot 55 y/o dad across the bar that I’ll give him the best head of his life if he walks to the bathroom in exactly 7 minutes

If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills DO NOT DM ME.., I already know 🙄😒

Mx. Claus Rudolph The Red Nose Theyndeer Frxsty The Snowperson

Thanksgiving with these ones is all I could ever ask for ❤️

Gay guys with abs- DO NOT post that shirtless mirror selfie today. Put the phone DOWN

Me in the living room gone off an edible while my stuffing’s been in the oven for 2 hours

Haha not much man, just chillen at my fam’s house helping my mom make desert. U got any more pics?

Their logo went hard like why lie

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Abearica And to the cuddles For which it stands One nation, under Kylie, indivisible, With belly rubs and CPAPs for all

Happy Friday dudes!!!!!

What makes YOUR kitty go purr? We’d love to hear from you. Reply for a chance to win $500!

“What’s on your mind” Me: ohhh nothingg (: The giant electric catfish from Ape Escape that gave me thalassophobia at age 8:

Just realized that everything we see has form, and no form has permanence; it’s in constant motion as we change the world and are in turn changed by it

Girl I’m bored let’s clean our microwaves

If you saw the Aurora you’re lowkey gay

When WWIII (Bears vs Muscle Gays) breaks out over this image, you can rest assured knowing which side I’ll lay down my life for

Good morning

Dudeee you look so fuckable as Blastoise haha 😍 Can I borrow $200

“Chismosa” is such a beautiful name for a baby girl

I’m the one who’s been putting microplastics in your balls

We’re on track to fully restore Woke Halloween by 2027

In November 2019 a disease called COVID will be discovered in Wuhan, China. It will spread quickly, causing a worldwide pandemic and killing 6 million people. It will affect everyone’s day-to-day lives, causing a recession in the economy

Thank you Nintendo and The Pokemon Company LLC