Dudeee you look so fuckable as Blastoise haha 😍 Can I borrow $200

“Chismosa” is such a beautiful name for a baby girl

I’m the one who’s been putting microplastics in your balls

We’re on track to fully restore Woke Halloween by 2027

In November 2019 a disease called COVID will be discovered in Wuhan, China. It will spread quickly, causing a worldwide pandemic and killing 6 million people. It will affect everyone’s day-to-day lives, causing a recession in the economy

Thank you Nintendo and The Pokemon Company LLC

Hey man can I come over and dislocate your arms?

Does anyone know how to lose 15lbs. in 6 hours

What the fuck is going on in Kalos…

Last minute couples costume idea

I’d like you all to meet my husbear, Boopicus Snooticus, & our bestest boy, Woofington III

Bro did you seriously just manifest a wavenumber-5 mesovortex after I told you not to

We need a Pokémon game that takes place in Hoboken, NJ

Not to freak anyone out, but like, the strongest mega evolution user MUST be found

HAPPENING NOW: new studies suggest a majority of Americans agree that it’s time for the twerkulator.

And when I go as her for Halloween?

Happy Friday to all the gay guys on the Internet

Other girls on Halloween: slutty costumes, drinking all night, doing drugs Me on halloween: a troglofauna with no eyes who has evolutionarily adapted to cave life

You either die a twink, or live long enough to see yourself become a bear

Spreading the gospel to my 40 year old gay friends

Normal people scare me O__o

Does anyone else think the Democratic Party desperately needs a candidate who’s a Video Game Nerd 🤓 Fire Type Gym Leader 🔥 Plant Daddy 🌱 Chicago 🏙?

Most important jobs ranked: 1. Healthcare providers 2. Firefighters / first responders 3. Being the only gay guy on a marketing team

Just realized there’s a new Tame Impala album today

Y’all! Let’s all share our Pokémon Trainer IDs 😍 it’s your birthday + the 3 numbers on the back of your credit card + your zip code 🤓🎮

Computer. Show me pictures of big hairy@fat guys. NOW!!!!!

The stock market is literally just candy crush

Gen Z doesn’t realize that back in the day, pop culture was actually IN art. And now they expect us to believe that art & pop culture’s in ME? Get a grip.

Babeeee omg! Of course I’ll keep your load! [looks slyly at the camera like Jim from the Office]

Yoooo what’s up man, how’s it goi— *puts you in this*

Oh you’re a “showgirl”? Name 3 shows.

Just stepped on a really crunchy leaf

I yearn for the offshore oil platform

Couples Halloween costume idea: Mr. Sterling’s right hand arm man + Mr. Sterling everything

I wonder what he’s up to nowadays

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, and Supergiant Games how Hades 2 ends

Everything reminds me of him…

Good morning/afternoon and happy Brainfog Monday

What would you do in this situation?

Walking around my old college campus and someone called me “sir”

The concept of a “charli xcx diss track”…

There are three things I've learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin

Idk it just doesn’t feel like locktober this year :/

On my way! to taco Tuesday at my local bear bar

September 30 vs October 1

Logged in and ready to absolutely SLAY the workweek hunty!

Sweater weather is imminent

VALID TO BITE YOUR BOYFRIEND VALID TO BITE YOUR BOYFRIEND VALID TO BITE YOUR BOYFRIEND

Randomly seeing David Archuleta live in concert tonight

Hello this is Bluesky user Kirk O’Baine I am tweeting from heaven ❤️ god needs you to wire $200 directly to my bank account . Thanks sexy 😍😍