The amount of bare ass that is going to be visible at the gay beach with this perfect weather on Saturday...

My scammer ass cousin reached out to me yesterday saying that he teenaged son looks up to me and needs a positive male mentor. Then she asked if he could stay with me over the summer for "a few weeks". I had to fight the urge to come up with an excuse rather than simply saying no

Unfortunately I'm the kind of person who feels some type of way when you keep sending me memes without ever reacting to the ones I sent you

Embarrassing for everyone who got involved, including the fans

My boss is obsessed with using generative AI, so she used her free time to create images of me on my upcoming vacations. Y'all, what the hell is this?

I'm starting a saltwater fishtank for the first time and I feel like I'm doing a school project trying to create an arch of live rock

Not having any kinks can feel embarrassing sometimes. Someone will ask what I'm into, and the response seems like "uh basic sex stuff"

The number of Reels that I have to go through every morning is crazy, and I love it. It's like all of my friends bringing me daily little gifts 🥰

"I'm not gonna talk bad about your dad, you'll realize what he's really like when you're older" And boy did I realize

Outed myself as a top when an acquaintance asked what are the options for douching at Steamworks. Sorry but I don't know anything about that sister

I feel like people should be able to immediately clock me as gay, but I'm always reminded that straight men aren't observant when they start asking me about a wife or girlfriend

I really wish I could get my eyebrows and beard back like they were pre-cancer

Yay, the weekend is here

Just received a meeting notice for a mundane touchpoint on Monday at 6am

It gets absolutely exhausting that we have to share the internet with people who are so fucking stupid

I placed an order for some sneakers while scrolling in bed last night, and I already got the "out for delivery" notification

I always find it funny when the main character of a book is a "world famous" university professor or government agent or something like that. We are greatly overestimating the general public's ability to be informed on current events

🏋🏽‍♂️

Temu makes it impossible to avoid their fucking ads. If you block them, you'll just get ads from spinoffs like Temu.Home and Temu.Bangladesh instead

We're finally supposed to get a response from the government today about a delay or modification to the Automatic Emergency Braking regulation, but this decision has been promised all year and they keep saying they need more time 🙄

I drove to Detroit this morning and stayed at the office until almost 6, so I won't get home until hella late 🫩 I ran into my entire upper management team on the way out, so at least I get the brownie points for making the journey and also staying late

We were chatting at work about people sharing their music taste with their kids, and the intern says "yea my dad passed on his obsession with Hilary Duff, Christina Aguilera, and Kelly Clarkson." Ignoring how old she made us feel, I had to fight from visibly raising my eyebrow

M.I.A. launched a clothing brand that sells literal tinfoil lined hats to block "5G radiation", and even sells lined underwear that are advertised to protect your future children. Her current behavior really shouldn't be a surprise

Too many gay men hate on Sam Smith more than they hate openly homophobic straight men. Yes, Sam looks a mess half the time, but it's really not that serious for them to receive so much hatred

I've only had tablet-style folding phones for the past 5+ years, and I'm finally trying a lil flip. Hello Moto

Straight from the airport to the Sea of Chicago

How lucky are we Chicagoans to call this magnificent place home?

Midday naps hit different when you're on vacation

A guy on The Apps™ said "I want to feel your skin." Why- why would you phrase it like that?

Houston with my boys 🩶

Quote with (one of) your best ass shots 🍑 ✨

My music algorithm is really all over the place because how did it just go from Rebecca Black straight into Tevin Campbell

Haircut before Demi concert tonight and Houston this weekend

Zara Larsson and Kehlani together are lethal

It's really annoying that car insurance continues to get more expensive as the value of the car goes down

I went to the movies twice this week with companions, and I don't plan on doing that anytime again in the near future. I truly don't understand why so many people don't like seeing movies alone

I messaged my coworker that his haircut looks nice, and I got to see him smiling and blushing through the conference room camera for the rest of the meeting. Straight men are really compliment starved

I wanted to be cute and treat my bestie to a lil date night at the movies. I had to reverse mortgage my home for movie tickets, popcorn, and cocktails

An annoying mindset that has trickled from the tech industry to my job is that everyone wants to find out ways to exploit the capabilities of technology rather than using the tech to address real customer pain points. It's all just a bunch of "wow, cool!" shit that isn't resolving actual problems

Hair, shirt, and wall colors all lowkey coordinating

I let out the biggest sigh and slid down to the floor because I sent three whole emails back-to-back

I lost my account and debated if I would create a new one, but I got bored and missed everyone