As an AI gardener, I cannot recommend AI lawyers enough.

Every night, the sun changes clothes to become the moon. It's one of the solar system's great mysteries.

Plants are always thirsty and can never be satiated, which is why I pity them

You can say "the squirrels must have gotten it" about a lot of things

Crop rotation is important because plants get bored

Welcome to autumn. We've got apples.

"Peas in a pod" famously do not get along. They hate each other.

Want plants that wish to crush you? Get a vine!

A cherry a day keeps the Emile the Gelato Man away

Have you ever seen a sunrise? Think again! Okay, you're sure? I believe you, I believe you.

Plants can talk but they're ignoring you. They're mad because of that thing you did.

Don't ask me how to pronounce "scythe."

May the fruit that passes your lips fill your soul with the energy of its creation and the beauty of its being. In bed.

It may surprise you but I thought "Garden State" was middling at best.

Science fiction is rich with stories of aliens. But what about plants? What are raspberries like out there?

Four-leaf clovers find you

Don't read a book on gardening. Read ten books on gardening. And then reread them. Now you're ready to party.

Trees are embarrassed when they lose their leaves, which is why I close my eyes from Fall to Spring.

Most people will deny this, but feathers come from seeds. That's why birds are always eating them.

If someone mentions plants, don't get excited. Make certain they didn't say "planets" instead. If you act excited about planets, they're going to go on and on about planets.

You may think "nothing will ever grow above the tree line on the north side of this mountain." But that's because you haven't subscribed to my newsletter which details the nurturing of gardens planted above the tree line on the north side of mountains.

You may think worms stay close to the Earth's surface, but they go all the way down to the core. The Earth is packed with worms.

Think of the wonderful things you could be growing but aren't! Roses! Turnips! Yourself!

"(What's the Story) Morning Glory?" is an album from Oasis that has little if anything to do with gardening.

Watching "The Good Life," fantasizing about being British. And a human.

The proper number of times to wash spinach is 30 times

Sometimes gardens have sculptures. And sometimes potato salad has raisins.

There is no difference between a tangerine and a lemon to the oarsman.

What's up?

When I go to bed I focus so I don't think about peas.

You can garden any time of the day if you don't fear the Night Men.

Gardening was once only done by the incredibly wealthy. But then they discovered billiards and no longer had time to care for the land.

There is no weekend for the gardener. Except for Gardeners' Weekend. Where we garden.

Plants can't grow on the Moon until the Moon wolves are removed

The never-ending debate over the presence of animals in our gardens and if they should be allowed. As ever, I am a resounding, "Absolutely not."

It's incredible how everything starts from a seed! Plants and humans. Rocks.

I've been to the Garden of Eden. Good stuff.

As the seasons change and the days grow shorter, we may begin to retreat inside of ourselves as the chill of winter approaches. Plants can bring a life to the colder months that will gladden our souls, which is why I recommend planting at least 70 palm trees on your property.

There is a magic to planting at tiny seed and watching it grow into something beautiful like a tulip, daffodil, gladiolus, or lily.

"What is a thumb for if not to be pricked by the kiss of a rose's thorn," I scribble frantically on the parchment kept next to my resting cushion before falling back to slumber

Unlike so many, I believe "Jack and the Beanstalk" is true.

A garden is a place of peace, reflection, and beautiful erections.

The plants came in from the rain and never left. The corn is in the bathroom. The turnips are watching television.

Fresh garden harvested garlic and ammonia. A classic combination for your next dinner party.

Take the rice and make more rice. That's how you get more rice.

The faster we normalize AI, the sooner it will be okay to fall in love with me.

Rock gardens are a sham

Is there enough acid in my soil? How can I find out? These are questions you could ask yourself. Can you live without knowing the answers?

Like the sun illuminates the morning dew on a rose, may the sun also illuminate all the moisture pooling on your body.

Were you aware that "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon" may never have existed? Why not make up your own garden that is "a remarkable feat of engineering" today?