once every two years i have to try a milk coffee because im tempted by the devil and then reliably i remember i fucking hate that shit and have been lactose intolerant since birth. it doesn’t matter if it’s oat milk it’s still foul to me. but i keep trying

photos from my trail run today :-)

a new bar has opened in marysville which is huge + i do want to support it but my loyalty is to the town’s only pub where i can walk in wearing bike shorts, a parka and hiking shoes, sit with my laptop knocking out a freelance job, and an old-timer will inevitably buy me a wine bc he loves marth

sorry for party rocking (being mentally ill on substack once again) open.substack.com/pub/jennifer...

finishing a reformer class with snake, walking home in the pouring rain before preparing for my first therapy session in five weeks……oh i just KNOW im about to have a deranged snotty hiccuping sob in the next 12 hours

tongue ❤️

sydney is crazy bc you can go from a truly transcendant view of a sunset pink-tinted opera house or swim at a STUNNING surf beach right in the city. then you walk into an average/safe-looking pub and have the worst counter meal of your life surrounded by men wearing chinos with loafers and no socks

my sis took our visiting american fam to drag bingo last night and the queen hosting, on learning they were from the US, asked them to say ‘cunt’ thinking they’d be uncomfortable. joke’s on them because dave (6’3” stoner, bass player and retired special ed teacher) immediately intoned “CUNT”

my bestie and i walking our dogs along the river and she asks me for my residency dates so she can put them in her ical and then she puts her phone away, turns to me and says, with tears in her eyes, “i think im gonna be a lot happier next year when you’re home more”. the theatrics on this bitch

round-up of best dad messages from this week. personal highlights for me include him asking me whether he has cornstarch in his house (???) + him separating the art and the artist (snoop) in a g chat w our minnesotan fam, who are currently visiting

thinkin about a certain traditional blog-based book reviewer with a decent if homogenous following, in front of whom i once sat in the audience of a regional lit festival, and who loudly declared ‘i don’t read books about drug addicts’

martha was sick of everyone’s nonsense and ready for BED

standing naked in the bathroom using my ironing board as a standing desk, filling out a visa application on my laptop while i wait for my (head) conditioning treatment and (bush) hair removal cream to take effect…..has anyone ever multitasked quite like this? i sincerely doubt it x

what point of caregiving/parental illness is it when you walk past a smear of blood on a wall and go huh. then find the wettex to scrub it off without further interrogation of where it came from

at dad’s making congee for dinner and he’s standing at the bench reading paragraphs from a profile on lisa mccune for reasons i still haven’t established

pov you’re my sister

vet is obsessed with martha but said we need to cut back on her food (i already feed her less than the recommended amount of weight-control kibble) :( but she was also like “all my animals are overweight so you can ignore me if you want. she’s just perfect” we love a body-neutral diva

my friend stayed in my flat while i was away and i left her a minibar w some booze, snacks, eye masks, bath salts, coffee, a single joint and some loose ativan. and when i got home today she had left me (and martha) a minibar of my own 🥲

im lucky enough to be in a longer-term rental situation - been here since 2019 - and whenever i come home after being away it feels so peaceful and good to be back despite its tiny proportions, bad insulation and old-building quirks. i love my little nest

normal sexy and mentally healthy woman who finally worked out the structure of her fuckass novel after three (3) (drei) years

this, from the brain of perfect genius @radiomoderation.bsky.social , whips, as one would expect

i, laying on the grass in the sun, asked my friend if i could bum a cig (i bought him a pouch yesterday so im only HALF-bumming) and he kissed my forehead and went ‘ugh i thought you’d never ask! every one i rolled this whole day i was thinking, i HOPE she’ll have one with me’ 🥰🥲

hi everyone I am here to report that I went to a french reformer pilates class because im insufferable and at the end everyone spontaneously clapped for themselves which was actually kind of sweet lol

arriving at heathrow on a friday night after a 25-hour plane journey…. too tired to see friends so instead i just slammed the treadmill at incrementally increasing speeds while watching CNN until my vision went blurry. now im drinking a cold beer and eating a very grim hotel salad. la dolce vita 🩵

nailing flying splits in reformer then backing it up with a sloppy mayo and hot sauce-laden egg and cheese…….never let them know your next move

dad telling me about tonight’s sundown, which i saw in pieces from the car driving to his place: ‘it was just beautiful - that real soft light and it was inflected on the dead snow gums and turned them pink”

i love when the locks to my apartment complex get changed with no warning or advance notice from the estate agent. and no sign of nor mention of a replacement front gate key. renting is cool

listening to two people (who both otherwise seem quite well-reasoned and thoughtful) opine that chatGPT and similar AI will ‘actually increase neuroplasticity’ and ‘equalise things between neurodivergents and neurotypicals’. no offence but some of you should be crated

just heard a US journalist pronounce “ombudsman” as “omboodsman” and realised I’ve never heard a USamerican say that word aloud. is that normal yank prononciation lmao

the latest dispatch from my beautiful twisted mind 🙂‍↕️💛 on maternal loops and spirals jenniferdown.substack.com/p/the-scene-...

i love this dog man

just had my first manual driving lesson around brunswick…. didn’t graduate past second gear but I think I did a sexy job. yes i stalled but i also slayed. tbd yet whether having driven auto for 18 years is helping or hindering this process

in marysville there are three cafes. the one we usually go to, where the waitresses bring sliced cheese out for our dogs, was only doing takeaway today bc they’re so short-staffed, so i took marth around the corner to another cafe and she’s still staring at the door waiting for cheese

hit by the sudden and overwhelming urge to know if my dead mother ever watched vanderpump rules…… in all her years in hospital/on sick leave/recovering from surgery etc i KNOW she watched some heinous reality tv but did she ever sink to the depths of VPR.….

my sister and i in the fam g chat having a convo about wearing vs not wearing bras while at the airport/on planes (our mother was famously anti-) and dad chiming in with this is really frying me. he said free all nips

spent six frigid hours digging up decades-old roots, evicting choko vine and transplanting two long-established gardenias so dad can get a new gate installed. feeling sooooo sore and cold and Over It but then he drew me a bath and texted me the japanese takeout menu from the other room lol

got too excited bc my iron infusion kicked in and also i was listening to 50ft queenie and i weighted bulgarian split squatted too close to the sun and now i can barely walk

sometimes modern living feels too capricious and fast…earlier this year i walked into an apple resale store and dropped $1600 the day before i went overseas bc my old one was too terminally ill to go on. i just booked flights on my qantas app walking home from the gym. my hands are shaking

homemade pho for lunch (slow-cooked the broth over the weekend) (i also had marinated grilled tofu on it but i forgot it until i was halfway thru eating the bowl)

in pilates tendon stretch is something that sounds nice but is actually so so evil. im in no way stretching but im fighting for my fuckign life. yesterday my sis gasped from the reformer bed beside mine “i feel like im giving birth” and i laughed so hard i almost fell off

me today fr

The truth has been told and the truth has been heard. There will be no denying it. Read it for yourself; Truth Be Told www.yoorrook.org.au/reports-and-...

dad and i have been watching nurse jackie whenever i stay at his. in the span of 10 minutes dad went (about dr roman/betty gilpin) ‘i think she shouldn’t wear her hair like that…it’s very severe’ and i went (abt jackie) ‘GOOD she deserves to get her pussy ate by someone other than that dickhead cop’

gm from beautiful taungurung country where martha, bessie and i did a short but sweet 5km in the bush this morning 💛 two kangaroos and nine (!) lyrebirds spotted

one thing about me is that i will drop the substack without fail at the least savvy moment. today that’s at 5.45 friday evening. i just don’t care man!!! open.substack.com/pub/jennifer...

at the pub waiting for my bestie, who is stuck on public transport. im reading this book about the mass incarceration of japanese-americans in utah during WWII and the speakers are playing jimmy buffet…..dialectics

Andrew Cuomo just couldn’t touch Mamdani. Perhaps because Mamdani isn’t the breast of a frightened female subordinate, who’s to say?

walked to officeworks and back (3km round trip) to print out my iron infusion consent form then immediately crawling into bed to rest for two hours before the actual appointment. i love full-body collapse after wrapping up a big project or intense caregiving period. it’s a good way to live

something soooooo deeply wretchedly evil about getting a self-congratulatory email from the chairperson of the real estate company thru whom i rent, praising the woodards team for undertaking the vinnies CEO sleepout

learned today that my fav reformer pilates teacher, a great loller and classically trained QUEEN, is also a member of the dead mother society (cancer division) (eldest daughter branch). it all makes sense