genuinely. how can you write shit like that with a straight face and then sleep at night? JFC.

Talking to my husband about his mother's health: "well, if it helps, my mom's already dead! So!"

in 5th grade I wrote about how my dad makes the best mashed potatoes in the world for an assignment because he does and the teacher responded that she makes the best and periodically I think of her and wonder if she's still doing the lords work of dunking on 11-year-olds.

A health practitioner just asked if I would be willing to get my IUD removed and I am so fucking clear that in no universe am I going to be without contraception in my body in this fucking country at this fucking time. You can take it out of my cold dead uterus. that shit is life and death bro

the best part of waking up is getting back in bed

in this house we believe that lawn signs constitute activism

It turns out I am an intricately layered puzzle of trauma. Yay me.

you no like abortion? i no like forced birth. compromise! everyone wins!

who among us HASN'T fallen down a hole of Robert Redford?

my boobs bounce a lot more when I'm wearing heels

friend summarizes marriage problems as "he doesn't hate elon musk enough." girrrrrllllll 🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰

this is my second rodeo

Is it tho?

today is my 14 year wedding anniversary. here is a song that in no way reflects my marriage other than the length of time www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvwo...

i just fell down a rabbit hole that ended with me googling l**tp***hets and i*n wa***ns and holy motherfucker i fucking hate this place and i really could have done without that and also i knew better but like if you're not a delicate flower like me you should know because FUCK these people

Dear people of the world, when you are sharing information that is in a spreadsheet, do not take a screenshot of that spreadsheet and send it. Send the actual file. Thank you, everyone else.

Not to be gender essentialist but I just sent Jesus out to doordash menstrual pads for me from CVS and I wish us all the best of luck in this.

Phew

got it

Recommendation: do not complain to me about the weather.

@davidgate.bsky.social 😂 this delightful moment as I page through A Rebellion of Care during morning meditation

absolutely fucking exhausted: a lifestyle

coworker: whatever you do, do not send [item] to [person] me: sends [item] to [person] 🤦🤦🤦🤦

a coworker just posted about something they did with chatGPT and another coworker responded "AI is life" and i'm not sure what this has to do with anything but suddenly i would like to jump off the planet.

can't win em all. and sometimes, can't win any of them.

Leading directly to the formation of International Brotherhood of Fake Anti-Union Protesters Local 42

Could you go back on vacation please? I feel like that was much better for me.

as my mom would say, "genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!"

Every choice you've ever made in your life was wrong.

i don't know, a girls gotta put her huge ass tits SOMEWHERE - me this morning trying to select a bathing suit

WHERE ARE YOU and I'M SO SORRY

given the news i'm suddenly remembering how much FUCK PETER THIEL

i almost forgot to put a flower in my hair before I leave the house but don't worry i remembered!

but why does kosher salt make everything so good tho

that does not matter and i do not care

okay perimenopop is an INCREDIBLE album name

i do not care to complain about the weather.

alright now you can just fuck all the way off

bruhhhhhhhhh

play stupid games win stupid prizes... jazz hands

"I'm trying to be done with the part of my life where I ignore my own intuition" is something I said today and probably need to say a few more times just to make sure I hear it.

it's all fun and games until it's not fun and games anymore

you unpatriotic rotten doctor commie rat

left my office and received this photo of lucy comey. the shell formation was mysteriously gone when I got back though

where should i put my new owl

trippy - got a missed call today from the roommate of the guy i dated in college. we have not spoken since 2009. i googled the number and was like OH SHIT I KNOW THAT GUY. i texted, it was a misdial but this is what passes for excitement when you turn old. shocked he has my number, i def did not

I'VE GOT TO KNOW can we work it out we scream and shout til we work it out CAN WE just work it out scream and shout til we work it out

"May it serve you well with agency, joy, sensuality, transformation, strength, groundedness, feminine alignment, creativity."

when the rage subsides enough to feel the deep and abiding sadness