what the fuck???? the italians get their stupid grandad back but i try and summon Mummy and cause a series of cataclysmic events in an alternate universe????

// i miss my hutt river account he was so much fun to play

// fruk is team rocket

Wimbledon? In this heat? Ha! Good luck with that, chaps.

Why the FUCK is it 30° AT 11AM!?!??!?!?!?!??!

// fun fact some hotels in spain actually ban british tourists because they have a habit of getting incredibly drunk, going to their hotel balcony and jumping off into the pool below.

// yes arthur is the type of man who goes "god i wish it was sunny" while its raining, "god wheres the bloody rain when you need it" when theres sun, and "fuck me i miss summer" during winter.

Alfred, i have told you many times i do not care what you and Ivan get kinky with. Just don't tell me!

[He's in his boxers lying on the couch, several fans on, frozen peas on his stomach, windows, and doors wide open. British heatwaves are no joke, he's fucking roasting. If only he had air con or whatever Alfred keeps bragging about.]

Tsk. [He's glaring at the bird on his shoulder.] You are nothing but a cheap imitation of my lov– [He chuckles] Ha. Cheap. Like, cheep. Francis, did you hear my play on words?

I'm sure Pierre is extremely opinionated. Considering he just called me a slur, i don't think i want to hear his opinions. Don't bring up gay marriage around him. I knew i had bad vibes from him!!

Francis i could do the least sexy thing in existence and you'd still be obsessed with me.

Ugh. Maybe. Okay? He doesn't deserve my friendship, he bites and he scratches! [And Arthur flips him off and blows his tongue at him]

Great even the bird is calling me a slur.

[He's scoffing before rolling his eyes.] Whatever. Stupid bird... Must you do all that lovey dovey crap around me?

Pfft. I don't get jealous. [He gets so jealous all the time even at the bird bro]

[He laughs] Alright, alright. I'll get us the cookies and read to you. Why don't you go get changed and pick out a story for me?

[Shit, she's making good points. He sighs.] We'll see, okay? I can't make any promises. I just don't want to see you be mocked, love. People can so cruel... [He cups her tiny cheeks and kisses her forehead softly] But I will try and figure something out. For now, why don't you retire to bed

[He smiles and gets more comfortable.] Well, when i was a kid... We all wore the same stuff. Both girls AND boys. Eventually, it just became easier for boys to fight and hunt in pants, and in warfare, it covered them better for a better chance of survival. Meanwhile, the women had begun to wear

[He can tell immediately, he's sighing and tilting her head up.] Hey. What's going on in there? Hmm? [He gently GENTLY playfully "knocks" on her head.] Knock knock? Is anyone in there? Come out come out wherever you are.... or else i'll have to get a secret weapon!! [He's wiggling his fingers

Gh!– What did i tell you about catching wild animals!! It's dangerous and you can get seriously ill from them!! [Lord save him he's about to have an aneurism.] I will try and see if there are more options, okay? Maybe even if they can put pockets on the dresses, but it's not a promise. Understood?

Yes, well, Antonio isn't the best person to follow after. You'll realise that when you're older. He has tried to take you from me many times, you're lucky your old man is so strong and awesome, huh? [He's flexing his kinda-there biceps before chuckling.] The maids are fine to you, you'll live

// rewatching Frozen and you're telling me "Fixer Upper" isnt fruk coded

[Without a second glance to Alasdair he is running all fours up that staircase DEFINITELY NOT TRIPPING UP HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE and heading straight for bed hell yeahhhhhh]

[He's immediately leaning against the door frame and smirking at Francis. Like that one face the guy from Tangled does.] 'Sup. [Oh yeah hes dropping panties with this one.]

[WIFE TIME WIFE TIME WIFE TIME. Hes getting out as fast as he physically can and racing to the door. And then falling fast first into the door but who cares.]

Pshh. I know what I'm doing to seduce. I've done it a million times before! ["Fixing" his tie in quotations cus hes just made it even more wonky.] If you watch and learn maybe you can use these techniques on your boy toy.

I won'tttttttt... YOU don't throw up on them... You... loser. [He's so tired. And he wants to throw up. He's stares at Alasdair for a moment before just randomly flipping him off before pouting.] I don't know why i did that.

[He's feeling around his pockets. Fuck did he leave his phone at home. He lets out a fat sigh.] No. It's a surprise. [He's opening the window all the way and sticking his head out.]

Much better. [The first five minutes hes silent. Gazing out the window thinking about his wife before he pauses. He's realised something. He's never actually told Alasdair that he accepts him and his love life. So he's sitting up and placing a hand on his brothers arm] I accept that you like men.

// used the wrong their im gonna shoot myself

[He's going without much of a fight and once he's in the car hes getting as snug as a bug in a rug.] How do i make it cooler in here [He's fiddling with all the buttons. Bloody new cars and they're new fancy technology.]

[Hes perking up at the mention of his wife and he's nodding. His eyes wide like a lost puppy] I want my wife... [He sniffles. Is he crying???] I love my wifeeeeeeee.... She's so... [He gestures wildly. Damn right.]

[He huffs and stares at the water.] This is bullshit, fuck you!!! Do you even know who i am?? [He's drinking the water but hes almost managing to spill most of it.] I'm the United bloody Kingdom! I'm the most important nationoutthere! [He's leaning forward with his head in his hands]

Psh. You don't even bloody know what you're talking about bloody talking out your arse... [He's mumbling that last part. He tries taking a step and he's falling against Alasdair again] Bollocks!! Why is the floor so bloody wonky?! [It's totally the floors fault.]

[He is drinking that shit up!!! Once hes finished he's burping and gagging a little but straightening up.] Right– well. Good... good talk! I gotta go home to my–.. hic...– to my wife. [Drinking and driving may be illegal but he has a motorcycle so technically it doesnt count–]

No!! I'm not even drunk I'm just... [He gestures around as if that explains it.] One more.

Psh.. Whatever. Sean's a dick anyway so who even cares?? NOT ME!! CUS I'M.. I'VE GOT BIGGER BETTER THINGS TO CARE ABOUT!!! Like... being important and respected and powerful... [Oh hes FUCKED. You may win this round Alasdair but he will not be getting you back anytime soon. He's falling down.]

[He sniffles.] Yes but i do the most and i only ever get bullied for it but i keep us all together and who cares if i split up the Ireland's i don't i don't care!! [He pouts.] ...Galleon.

[He groans] Tell me about it!!! I work all the bloody time and for what?? I do more work than you lot combined and i never get an ounce of praise itsnotfair!!! [He lets out a dry sob. But hes perking up at mancave] Yes! And a boat in a bottle.

// fruk youtu.be/-KG_AMMz4PQ?...

Uhnmmm yep! Yep. Telling him now. [He's blushinggg, it was NOT seamus. But Alasdair doesn't need to know that!! He's downing the rest of his drink and leaning down on the table and letting out a sigh, the type of sigh a dog does when its living its best life.] I wish we could do this all the time

No!! Im not!! And— [Oh his phone beeped. He's hiding it under the table trying not to splash alcohol on it]

Fuck you! I can handle my liquor better than you! [He's trying his hardest to chug the mug but he has to breathe. This is bullshit!!] Fuck you.

[Goddamn, why did he challenge an alcoholic to an alcohol race. It's a pity for Arthur, though, because he is an INCREDIBLE lightweight, and he's already tipsy by the end of the first mug. He's trying not to show how he sways on his feet as he reaches for the next mug,,,]

You're on. You're so gonna lose. [He's grabbing the first shot and downing it before using the mug as a "chaser." It's just more alcohol.]

[He scowls and fixes his hair one last time. He puts on a whole ass suit like usual and completely forgets hes on a time crunch so for the next 5 minutes he's flirting with himself in the mirror, giving himself a little steamy makeout session before FINALLY heading down to the basement.]

Yes, well, we don't want a repeat of the last several times. [He glares before sighing] Right, go wait for me then. I'm going to get changed. I don't want to get drunk in my jam-jams. [He loves his jam-jams too much. They have trains on them!]

Do i trust your "brew"'s? I don't particularly feel like alcohol poisoning tonight. [He's getting up and fixing his hair in the mirror, even winking to himself and smirking. God hes obsessed with himself.] Although if you do insist...

You... You don't have to mention the royal family right now, chap. I'm sure there's better times. [He flops back and sprawls out on the bed.] Ugh, i want to get smashed. I wonder when i can fit in my next pub crawl... [Who's he kidding? He's gonna do it whenever. Fuck responsibilities.]