To Trump supporters: Do you know how i know you cover up SA in your family... because people in my family are supporters and they covered it up too. Birds of a feather flock together.

Without saying all of the other awful things about Starbucks that I can think of... stay in your lane guys! From a marketing perspective... I can see they are shifting focus to gym bros with their "high protein" offerings. Is anyone falling for this? I just think they are trying too hard.

I'm actually enjoying the fact that THIS is what replaced the Charlie Kirk hysteria. "Charlie is a martyr, and we'll never forget his sacrifice." [a fucking escalator stops briefly] "HOLY SHIT, THIS IS THE BIGGEST STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD."

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

History is the revolving door we still never learn to walk through with any grace or tact

[party] HOST: why are you in my bed ME: you said i could use the restroom

The US leadership and MAGA is the embarrassing Karen wife and the rest of us are the embarrassed husband trying to hustle her out the door.

im better than ever just not as online. sending love♥️🦋

Baby can you please tell the news I'm good at sex

Ya girl is now a full-time marketing Coordinator! After dealing with a major setback for the last two years and wandering around lost, I got my dream job that will act as a foot in the door for the rest of my life!

Remember that time we got that viral video of those people doing it in the park and it was the biggest news that week? Good times...

Ughh woke up and it was still just as bad as I thought it would be here... on earth that is.

if you dont stop calling us nazis we will have the secret police disappear you to a slave labor camp

Fleeba Zarb!

He could've gotten more I think...

Do you guys remember when Chipotle was actually good?

Feeling myself this morning...

After all of the performativeness of the Charlie Kirk death... are we really surprised how deep EK's connections run to all of the background stuff? She gave Trump more physical affection at that circus funeral than his own "wife" ever has, especially in public.

On my third cup of coffee, when do I get to hear the colors?

@pearlmania500.bsky.social ranting about people saying we should be more like the Amish, is probably the funniest thing I have witnessed at least all week especially since I used to live in Lancaster 😆

Half-way through the month and I still need 147 sign-ups to make rent and cover bills. You get literally 1000s of posts, over 900 recipes for £5 and more added every day. 16% off if you sign up annually! Please just give it a try. You improve my life and can cancel anytime.

Just took Tylenol and radioactive shrimp. It’s over for you MF.

happy bisexuality day; remember you're not a true bisexual unless you have a straight boyfriend

Stolen from an Animorphs Facebook group.

Quote with your reaction to getting left behind during the rapture:

Does toughing out a fever while pregnant count as an abortion...? Asking for a friend

He said, "They better get this escalator moving reich now!"

I gave myself bangs y'all!

Tylenol is the cheat code to superpowers! Quick, everyone start fucking so we can create an army of super geniuses.

*me flirting with you* Fight me then!!!!

pterodactyl take me away

Need to get pregnant and down 40 Tylenol a day so my kid can organize all my baseball cards and pokemon go accounts.

Be my best friend? Right now...

idk what's tougher to swallow, Tylenol or the disappointment of not being sucked off

Meant to type analyst, instead, typed anal lust so I’ll be unemployed in about 3 hours 😬

An augmented reality app for nerds to hook-up called Pokémon HO

I wonder when Trump will get up the nerve to leave his situationship with Putin. *hums casual*

You should send all your money to a left behinder in case you get raptured, btw my Cashapp is $meantomyself and I am offering a "it didn't happen" guarantee, meaning if you are still here Thursday and use the code LOLNOPE I will send you two watermarked pictures of my feet

I'm good at other things...

The same prick who gives me a headache every day now wants to outlaw Tylenol.

A haiku by moi Orange man fights big pharm But not the way we begged for He will kill us all

I’d like to speak with the rapture manager, please.

she rapture on my armageddon till the second coming

does anyone have a fuck to spare