Giving up complaining for lent

I’m sorry

Me every night when I do the dishes: “Hey siri play Vanish Into You by Lady Gaga”

I love the Olympics

I made sure to wear my cow pants in Texas

I can’t wait to get out of Austin tomorrow I do not belong in Texas

I wonder what my gym nickname is for people that don’t know me

I have to go to Austin for work next week and I’m afraid I’m going to have one (1) cocktail at dinner and start talking about Heated Rivalry

Ariana Grenade

Why does the rain smell like chlorine

I don’t want to work in tech anymore

Is 2026 the year I stop drinking? There’s only one way to find out!

Who’s up heating their rivalry?

I just finished reading a book for the first time in 15+ years because these gay hockey players have me in a chokehold

😘

No one got me a malibu mint vape for Christmas

brb crying at a cottage

I’m rewatching Heated Rivalry idc

1 like and ill schedule a Botox appointment

Me last night getting free shots from my friends that work at the bar: “omg I love you I would die for you” Me this morning waking up hungover on a Thursday: “omg how could they do this to me”

Oh you’re a gay couple? So which one of you is the gaymer and which one is the gooner?

2 of my shrimp are pregnant I can’t wait to have a shrimp army

Help I can’t stop listening to the wicked soundtrack and I’m afraid it’s going to sneak into my Apple Music replay

In this house you don’t kiss under the mistletoe but instead you have to suck each other off sorry I don’t make the rules

This is a Lord of Misrule household

Having a fish tank is cool bc you’re kind of playing god to this little ecosystem in your house but then there’s a disease outbreak or you mess something up and a bunch of them die and you’re just like oops by bad

Rupaul out of drag Fortnite skin

RIP to an icon 💔

One time in high school this kid told me if he ever saw me outside of school he was going to beat me up bc I’m gay but then he died

I have a note on my phone called “drafts” since we don’t have drafts here and every now and then I look at it and laugh

SOS I’m obsessed with the gingerbread cookies from Costco

I want to go to a mall ❤️

The last time I shaved my mustache was march 2015 so I’ve had one for over 10 years and that’s crazy to me

I want to be Hayley Williams when I grow up

One of us knows how you die and the other knows when you die

There’s something so special about Kesha celebrating the 15 year anniversary of Cannibal because the first time I met Josh was 2 months after it came out and he got in the car with my friends and I and we sang every word to the song Cannibal while he just sat there

I’m so sorry to anyone that ever sees me irl I have such bad facial blindness I will only recognize you by your dick pics 😕

I love having company but I am so happy to have our home to ourselves again! I’m exhausted!

My man 😘🥰

I am obsessed with my new daughter

Trimmed too close to the sun and now I need that Skims bush underwear

It’s piercing season what are we getting pierced 😵‍💫

Get you a man that can do both

I loooove making my man laugh it makes me feel like the funniest person on the planet like….

I found out that a close friend that ghosted me 3 years ago is mad about something that literally didn’t even happen and that’s so crazy to me

The amount of gummy worms we eat in this household is wild

Clowning around 🤡