Just popped up on my Facebook memories from 2020. Use the words at the bottom to complete the Puns. Every year I do a Christmas quiz for my family to do and this year I did a pun round (not all my jokes mind).

[Neighbour looking over fence]: What are you growing this year? [Me, shaking pack over garden]: It's going to be a Dorito Tree.

"Wow man, congratulations, you're on fire at the moment!" "Cheers buddy, i'm not sure how I keep doing it" ~ Spontaneous Combustion World Champion

The person most likely to criticise the Air Conditioning on the set of 'Saved by the Bell' is AC Slater.

I was meant to be giving a wild Boar a skin graft today and ended up making a pig's ear of it.

Wife: Why do you always over-complicate things? Me: 8/16 men do exactly the same.

Not bothering with decorations this year. Just hanging up all my Christmas jumpers instead. #christmasjumperday #Christmas #Christmas2025

Here's a little video I had filmed recently in Liverpool at Hot Water Comedy. youtu.be/0A_vixQGtnc?...

Went to see Tim Vine in his new film Rocker 'Brella Fella this evening, it was delightful. He even did a Q&A afterwards and stayed around to sign stuff and take photos. If you get a chance to see it you will definitely leave smiling.

I recently got to perform at @HWCCLiverpool in Liverpool and it was great. Here's the video!!!! youtu.be/0A_vixQGtnc?...

Like a Persian. Selling rugs for the very first time....

Bringing my WIP Leicester Comedy Show to Plymouth on Thursday, tickets available below. www.outsavvy.com/event/30456/...

It may be pronounced 'Milled Wholegrain Wheat' but it's actually spelt flour.

You may know me as the guy that pulls the ropes in your local church tower. Ring any bells??

I refuse to buy size XXXL overalls, I don't want to be funding Big Farma. #LunchPun

I've been in a very low place these last few weeks. What can I say, there's nothing quit like a holiday in the Netherlands.

I was actually raised behind bars. My parents sure loved that pub.

The recycling lorry has refused to take some of my props before. This time, they're really taking the biscuit.

It's a month since I released my hit song called 'The King of Prague'. I should soon be getting a royalty Czech.

I know he's 86, but my granddad's always had the bones of a 20 year old. Buried under his patio.

Trying to check myself into a clinic for people who are sexually obsessed with Elton John. The computer in reception has just asked me to 'Enter Reg'. .. This isn't getting any easier.

I'm currently reading a book called "Things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School". It's mainly about Crochet.

I lost my Job with 'Mountain Rescue' for being too vague with directions, but that's neither here nor there.

Had a nice time at the New Material night in Plymouth last night. Here's a short snippet of some stuff I did.

You can take your euphemisms and stick them you-know-where.

Just started trying to organise my 2nd Joke book. 😀 So far, I've done page 10.... that's it.

Oooo what's this?? 😃

- Hello, i'd like to buy this 'Beginners Guide to Haggling', how much is it? - That's £5. - I'll give you £8 - Ok, then. [Me, smuggly] - On second thoughts, I don't think i need this book afterall.

I was once voted the World’s Worst Owl impersonator. I couldn’t give two hoots.

I was at the diarrhoea world championships and someone tried offering me performance enhancing laxatives, so I took one for the team.

Among the JFK files about the Assassination that Donald Trump released there was also a page from my next joke book. Thankfully it seems to have been heavily redacted. You sir have made yourself a very powerful enemy. 😡

If i'm being completely honest, I have no idea what the term 'Plead Ignorance' means.

Just got a job doing testing at the Rubik's Cube factory. Well it's better than just sitting around twiddling my thumbs.

People often tell me i'm the most Sceptical person they've ever met, but I find that hard to believe.

You'll never guess who has just been arrested for smuggling gold leaf. Gilty!!

I think I know how to make a curtain pole shorter....... well sawed off.

Went to a doily factory yesterday. Perfect for frill seekers.

I've been invited to a party for the Royal Society of Village People.... well I assume that's what the RSVP is.

If Bike is short for Bicycle does that mean Mike is short for Micycle. Or is Mike short for Microphone meaning Bike is short for Bicrophone. Please give this a licycle 😄

Some bands have taken the term 'merchandise' a little too far. I mean, they haven't even put their band logo on there.

I had 3 cans of red bull and 2 bags of Haribo yestrrday, before heading to the Trampoline park. I was bouncing off the walls.

To the Guy who just tried to sell me Mini Jenga, I know what your little game is. #UKPunday

My brother started working for Mecca at the beginning of 2023. I wonder how that's bingoing. #UKPunday

I struggle to eat burnt bread. I’m black-toast intolerant. #UKPunday

Of course I know who Newcastle's greatest Goalkeeper of all time is. That's a Given.

Several chances to catch me in Leicester in 2025.

My Hair salon has taken on 2 new stylists this week. The team are really starting to Gel.

My mate is now Self-Identifying as a Vampire. I think he needs to take a good look at himself in the mirror.

It's that time of the year again, where you've finally finished all the Christmas biscuits and all you've got left to dunk in your coffee is Roast Potatoes.

[Comedian tells a joke] Me: LOL [Micky Flanagan tells a joke] Me: LOOL