“ ahaha! of course I do, of course … “ well, now he has to. she didn’t mindlessly bite, so he has to splurge a little. a dinner date wouldn’t be so bad, right? he nods to himself, before speaking again. “ how about we grab dinner? “

she bought it! well, it’s more like she’s about to check out … “ … it’s , uhm … “ ah! he can figure it out later. maybe he could make due with a lame ass “date”? it’s been so long, she might be happy with anything. or, she could be even angrier … hum. “ a surprise! you’ll have to find out. “

he puts his hand up defensively, and fearfully. his mind bounces between excuses, and … “ i was … going to surprise you with … “ no, he can’t say it. but he has to! she’ll fry him til’ he’s smoked medium rare if he doesn’t! “ a … dddate? “ he botched it! he’s done for! unless …

“ I DIDN’T SAY THAT !! I WAS JUST PASSING THROUGH !! “ that shock is coming any second now. it’s been a long time, so maybe she was a bit antsy …

" WHAT ?! WAIT -- !! " panicked flailing now. she's pissed off ... !

" ACK -- ! " panicking and flailing as she yoinks him back. " a - avoid you? no , no , i just ... have stuff to do ! " uh - huh.

trying to sneak past ...

june. IF U WANNA DOT HEM IM DOWN I PROMMY

june. lum when she gets a hold of ataru

june. long too late now but fem ataru would’ve been funny HAHA

“ … eh? “ staring up, blinking like a lost child. he was confused now. what does she even mean by that? “ if you’re not pregnant, what the hell was on that ultrasound ?! now’s not the time for hypotheticals !! “ yeah, it definitely went too far.

“ how could i be okay … “ tears dropping against the floor. she got him to believe her, but at what cost? … well. she enjoys this, so maybe it’s more at his expense. “ my family won’t ever see me again … i’ll be a deadbeat, overworked father. i’ll be married to a desk, not my wife … “ aw.

“ uuuu … i won’t even get to live with you … “ ah? it’s hard to tell if he’s upset about that or not. “ i’ll have to work myself to death … my daughter won’t even get to meet her poor father … “

he’s on his hands and knees, muttering to himself as he grips with the … supposed reality of his situation. “ i’ll have to work two or three jobs to make ends meet … i’ll come home to nothing but spicy food … “ sobbing. “ my life is over … “

staring at the ash with horror in his eyes. it’s like he can’t decide if he believes her or not. 💧 “ … no, you … you’re trying to mess with me! “ point. full panic. “ y - you can’t be serious … “ huff. hyperventilating. “ I WAS GONNA GO ALONG WITH YOUR JOKE, TOO ! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS … ! “

june. DON’T FUCK WIT MEEEE!!!!

june. YOU CAN CALL THESE HANDS ‼️‼️‼️

“ YOU DON’T HAVE PROOF !! “ he yells back, retreating from her — yet backing into a wall whilst crawling off. “ you think i’d buy that you could keep that from me for six weeks like that ? don’t make me laugh ! “ yet he’d do so nervously, anyway. “ as if you wouldn’t have told me before! “

june. SLAMS YOU INTO THE FLOOR YOU DO HER PERFECTLY ‼️‼️‼️

“ GYAAAAH — !! “ sizzling … he’d force his head to turn back to her. what was this even about ?! “ you’re a mooch too, you .. !! “ they were just barely graduated! what the hell is this about providing for this imaginary family ?! “ YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME KILLED !! “

“ haha — ! you just hate that i caught your bluff ! “ and he’d follow suit — internally having himself a fit over the concept of being a father. he’s not ready for that kind of a thing, let alone with lum! what about his precious harem?! his world could come crashing down if she was serious …

june. so funny to me that ataru is willing to do something cute in messing with people with lum and she goes: “wait but what if i really was pregnant >:(” (ignoring the fact she would have told him instantly and been much more emotional)

“ hah ?! “ wait, don’t tell — this heartless witch was really trying to ruin his life! can’t she just admit she got caught joking?! he’d have went with it to mess with everyone at school, too … ! “ don’t you dare !! “ panicking. even though his mom would probably be excited.

“ ha! “ he’d begin chuckling a bit manically. part fear, part arrogance. if she really was pregnant he was screwed … ! “ keep dreaming, because you know i’m right! “ tongue flailing back and forth. “ bleeeh! “ only these two would get into a competition over a nonexistent baby.

“ oh yeah ?! “ he’d challenge in return, a bit of fear in his voice. what could he do here … “ if you got a baby bump, i’ll take responsibility! but you’re a dirty liar, so it won’t happen! “ sticks out tongue. “ biih! “

“ … eh? “ blinking. wait, is she still trying to mess with him? or is she serious?! there’s no way! he would never have! his pride was on the line! “ what do you — “ when could he have ever? he’s a good boy! he doesn’t do anything that’d make him black out! “ liar! you’re messing with me! “

scream of the damned. “ how long have you been — “ wait. that’s impossible. they’ve never … and she did … “ … aha. haha. you nearly had me, lum! i got riled up for a second there. “ chuckling? he actually finds it kind of funny. “ good one! “

would it kill him? honestly, it could. but … thankfully, she’s got him enough around her finger that he’d be willing to put his life on the line for her just this once. and by life … i mean his pride. same thing. “ mmgh … don’t use that against me. “ he’d whine, before jolting up to his feet.

“ geh. “ he’d recoil from her request, before sucking it up. for his harem, he told himself. even if the truth might be the opposite of that. and so, he’d crawl to her leg, hugging onto it with crocodile tears pouring down his face. “ please … don’t leave, lum! i’m sorry! “ this was humiliating.

getting jolted to the floor, he’d let out a scream — dropping the chocolates down onto the floor as he’d find himself on the concrete. great … and so, he’d immediately push himself back up, immediately … on his hands and knees? huh? “ w - wait! “ he’s … begging her to come back?

“ WHAT ?! “ he’d shout, immediately blocking her path from potentially flying off to go see mendo. he totally could’ve gotten somewhere with that weird american girl, and he stopped himself! this is the payment he gets ?! “ and after i stopped myself for you, too ?! “ he’d huff.

“ you know, a man can’t fall so easily to temptation. “ he’d glance back. eyes … distinctively not meeting her own. go figure. “ you really ought to cover up, lady. especially here in japan … “ he says, eyes trained on her “coliseum”.

… he jolts towards her for a moment, before stopping himself. he was going to drop this gift off to lum … or at least, try to find a way to give it to her without her noticing. he can’t fall now … ! “ you’re too easy. feh. “ he scoffs, turning away. “ i’ve got someone waiting, anyway! “

… he points, before sharp words would escape his mouth. “ plastic surgery. “ gasp … ! it can’t be ?! to suggest her glorious roman empire(s) are fake ?!

june. seeing snot write scrooge is amazing LOL i’ve always loved scrooge but snot does him so perfectly

ah. a foreigner. he hates tourists … “ do you think i’m dumb? “ he’d squint, crossing his arms and turning away. how rebellious … to do this to an emperor like her. “ you’re just some weird american. if you’re going to travel, you should respect the locals … “ dude.

“ mm … “ he ogled a lot of blondies tod — wait. “ you were stalking me ?! what the hell ?! “

“ a lot? how much is a lot? “ hesitant now. he’s kind of broke, and she’s already seeming a bit stuck up … not his type, even if she’s hot. “ i dunno if you’re worth a lot … “

“ mmm .. “ scratching his chin. is he playing dumb, or is he a professional? hard to tell … “ am i forgetting something? i didn’t do anything. “ was trying to get hitched with nero.

… it’d probably be good to tell her her forgot about white day at first, but … he’s a bit too dumb to admit that. but he’d have probably pulled that anyway. “ what’s got you in a bad mood? “ blink blink.

whistling. playing dumb. even though he did get her something …

“ hehehe! “ chuckling. “ how’s a date sound, huh? i’ll take you out! my treat! “ lum isn’t around, it seems — be it for the day, or just the moment. he’s gonna do everything he can in that timeframe.

cat calling! “ hey! baby ~ ! “ ew.

whistling … he’s hungry. maybe he should run out to get food, and pick up some chicks on the way there?

june. WAGH!!!!!!

“ stop already, would you ?! “ he yoinks her back, as he scoffs … she was such a brat, sometimes. like hell he was signing it, though. “ you’re so childish, you know. “ … so says ataru moroboshi.

“ cut it out! 💢 “ he’d bark back. “ you know what you’re doin’ — !! “