Meteorologists don’t even tell you how much snow the east coast is gonna get anymore they just call it a winter weather storm and look at you like this

insomnia sucks really bad but its still makes me laugh a lot to think about going to bed with an attitude like "if i can pull this off it will be huge"

Writers need to realize how stupid Chekhov's Gun is. Stories would have much more surprising twists if the gun was never shown at all and then in the final act Chekhov was like "well you're no match for my SECRET GUN" and started shooting a guy with his secret gun

A sorting algorithm walks into a bar and orders [A], [a, a, a, a], [b], [d, d], [e], [g], [h], [i, i, i], [k], [l, l], [m], [n, n], [o, o, o, o], [r, r, r, r, r], [s, s, s], [t, t, t], [w], [ , , , , , , , ]

You can just destroy your own eyeballs with your thumbs like whenever. Think about it

My favorite part of the Divine Comedy is the dozen different times he goes "And here's a dude I have severe personal beef with, he's getting his sack crushed for all eternity"

Why do we have double cheeseburgers and no double chicken sandwiches, what’s going on there

RIP Scrappy-Doo. All the obituaries will lead with how “annoying” he was for three years in his twenties, but I’ll remember the sweet, frail old man who’d wink at me when I asked “Seen any ghosts lately?” as we passed in the hallway, him on his way outside to shit in the street.

Bandit sprinting towards me: prepare to meet my blade! Me: (haven't talked to a human being in four days) Hello Jello

it’s probably quite scary being a cow because what if a ufo comes down and beams you up cause there’s no grass up there

Rage room but everything inside is actually insanely durable, and people who go in there to smash stuff get highly aggravated and leave it even angrier than before

asked my crush if she wanted to be my valentine and she said "ermmm valenTIME to get out of here!" and full-sprinted into a 180 and tripped on the curb and fell head-first into a wood chipper and splattered gore all over my rental suv

abbreviation is such a long word for what it means

Tubi is the only streaming platform where you can watch Baby Looney Tunes and How The Grinch Stole Bitches in one setting Gotta respect them

one of the most frustrating things about there being “no jobs” is that we all walk around and see the work that needs to be done. our cities are crumbling, our people need help, our world is dying. there’s so much work to be done, if only it were good for the balance sheet

i would be such a good mad king "the mad king has set the throne room tapestries aflame!" "the mad king is patrolling the bailey bickering with the crows" thats the kind of shit i would be up to all the time

I got a smart watch to track my sleep and it turns out i get like four hours of real sleep a night uhhh thats like brain damage levels of sleep deprivation is this why im insane

every system in mewgenics feels so unbelievably fine tuned. the random birds, items breaking after two adventures, the cat geneology, almost every ability having a viable use case. compared to isaac it all genuinely seems so fair and balanced. You should all be playing Mewgenics.

A man with pointy shoes wearing a classical period style hat and a beard is found carved into a megalithic stone from the Olmec civilization of ancient Mesoamerica.

kind of incredible that they are creating a panopticon with ring cameras because nobody wants to be watched by big brother but everybody wants to be big brother so making everyone build their own local surveillance networks was an easy sell.

fighting game mechanic where, as youre getting comboed, you mimic the inputs of the combo of the attacker and if you get something like 5 inputs+timing correct you break the combo

In the Hall of the Mountain King fucking rips because damn that really would be what it’d sound like in the hall of the mountain king

Also love that Kermit (and clearly Henson) is a big vaudeville guy. Always with the suits and top hats and canes and tapdancing and big numbers. There's such a love of classic Hollywood embedded in the Muppets which has gotta be a big reason why I love them so much

im sorry english language but I'll never call singulare dice a "die" like you guys can't keep getting away with shit like this

super bowl ads are always annoying and bad but i think this is the first year they were legitimately Evil

I want to make something really meaningful before I’m gone

feels like the age of the “Super Bowl ad” is officially over. you used to feel like someone worked on a pithy beer ad all year to make a splash and now it’s all just AI, body horror, and half-hearted woke

call me "woke" or whatever but I think the Superbowl should have less football and more dancing latinas

drinking some Yoo-hoo? you know who else was into Yoo-hoo.. Jesus. Because it was you-who he died for. Hey what’s up I’m youth pastor Jeb

the olympics are so funny bc every year the athletes find hilarious new niche ways to cheat and the anti cheating department has to be like No Dude You Can’t Do That Either. it’s like slow motion whack a mole. i consider it an integral part of the games.

Pisses me off that a place called “Shake Shack” looks so sleek and modern. Absolutely nothing about this building communicates “shack.” It’s more like a shake dispensary if anything.

the one thing all animals have in common is play. this is a reflection of our barest desire. play. it’s all toys. it’s toys all the way down. when u deny yourself play you cease to exist. if you cant access this part of you , did you ever exist at all? even the armadillo plays

Really like that the Muppets special seems quite rooted in the 70s/80s. I don't mind the characters shifting with pop culture like The Simpsons, but Statler and Waldorf can never be 90s kids. They're objectively Victorian-era gentlemen. They served in the war. They killed

movie producer girlfriend: i can fix him in post

if taking care of myself was a job i would not only be unemployed but also entirely blacklisted

successfully ragebaiting someone feels exactly like when the intro riff to money for nothing by dire straits kicks in

They should have commercials for oatmeal, like they do for cereal, with a wacky cartoon Quaker. The kids keep trying to take it from him, but he can’t fight back for religious reasons

Idk about you all but imo Kermit’s characterization is definitely strong enough that I can get used to the voice.

I cant stand these millennial tech companies with these 'cute' nonsense names like "granola" or "clay." if I had a company youd see me calling that shit the American Computing Corporation. National Electron. United Tabulation. thats a name with some chest hair

I just installed a new font on my computer and then drawled “there’s a new serif in town” out loud and anyway I'm sorry I am the way I am

“I’ve never seen a woman in a film be/become a monster and still be loved” okay so if you are not familiar with the 2006 American film called “Monster House” just say that

The more i grow up, the more i think that the boogeyman is scarier than i've given credit for.

The NFL announced today that each quarter of the Super Bowl will air on a different streaming service, with halftime airing exclusively on YouTube Premium.

had a lovely dream where there was a new species of beetle called “jug bugs” and they were as big as dogs and were friendly fellows and plants and moss grew on their backs

i hope the blu-ray of iron lung comes with a director's commentary with markiplier in the corner reacting like it's a let's play

similarities in the myths of atlas and sisyphus suggest they descend from a common root character, who was a more heroic hyperborean figure. an older colder bolder shoulder boulder holder

It's funny how people on the internet talk about The Sopranos because you'd swear it's a comedic lark 99.9% of the time and not half a very disquieting watch where every other scene is permeated with the threat of either horrific violence or unnervingly sociopathic behavior

(pulling petals off a flower) it’s so over. we’re so back. it’s so over. we're so back.

when you start to read don quixote you wonder how a book from 400 years ago could possibly be comprehensible much less meaningful or funny, and then you realize you are reading one of the most important and beautiful things ever written

honestly always catches me off guard when nintendo uses established terminology for something. like i'm surprised they actually went with 'nonbinary' instead of something like Nintendo New Gender