Yom Kippur definition of the word “Fast”: The speed in which you head to the bathroom after finally eating. #YomKippur

I hate when things get updated to reflect modern times. Why just today the Charles M. Schultz estate announced they have changed their Peanuts fall classic to “It’s The Great Pumpkin Spice Charlie Brown.”

At least I don’t have to pay 5 cents for the bags under my eyes.

Walt Disney World is now 54 years old. To help mark the occasion, they went out and found the first ever park attendee. Fortunately, they didn’t have to look far as he was still on line at Space Mountain.

Reviews for, “How the Male Chauvinist of Manhattan Thrives”: “Both fascinating and funny Howard” - Geoff Dale via email “Good one!” - Debra Douglas “Keep it coming.” - Scott Barger “It's hilarious” - Larry Ryals via Facebook (Link below as follow up post)

While you’re at temple and bored this morning trying to not think of food, here’s an idea! Read my new humor piece, “How the Male Chauvinist of Manhattan Thrives.” Enjoy! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

While you’re at temple and bored this morning trying to not think of food, here’s an idea! Read my new humor piece, “How the Male Chauvinist of Manhattan Thrives.” Enjoy! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Man says he can fart math answers. I hate a smart ass.

I have no luck. I bought a sex robot, but she says she just wants to be friends.

My new humor piece, “How the Male Chauvinist of Manhattan Thrives.” Please leave likes and comments underneath article in Substack. Thanks in advance! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

My new humor piece, “How the Male Chauvinist of Manhattan Thrives.” Please leave likes and comments underneath article in Substack. Thanks in advance! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

With Yom Kippur upon us, please forgive me for anything I might have said or done, with or without intent, that may have been hurtful to you. But come Friday, the gloves are off. #YomKippur

I just finished a novel about the creator of tampons. It was a period piece.

Now that I have man boobs, I have to remind women my penis is down there.

In his spare time, my proctologist dabbles in ventriloquism.

Currently working on a humor piece called, “The Sights of Manhattan for Male Chauvinists.” Look for it soon!

Here’s my entry for this week’s The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. Click on below image to view. ***If you have your own entry, do not leave it here. Please enter contest*** Thanks!!

Here’s my entry for this week’s The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. Click on below image to view. ***If you have your own entry, do not leave it here. Please enter contest*** Thanks!!

Working on this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest entry. Already came up with a few good ones. Now to narrow it down to the best one.

“The War in Portland?” My latest humor piece for Substack. Please click on link and leave likes and comments directly on bottom of article. Thanks! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

“The War in Portland?” My latest humor piece for Substack. Please click on link and leave likes and comments directly on bottom of article. Thanks! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

I had some tuna free dolphin today.

After I thanked George for the interview, I asked him to do me a favor and to pass along a message to Benjamin Franklin inquiring about a future interview with me. George tells me Franklin said, “Go fly a kite!” open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Who says dead men tell no tales? This guy talks up a storm! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

It’s a good feeling when engagement and views on Substack are above average. Please find link to humor piece in comments below.

My wife's idea of rough sex is to make love on low thread count sheets.

Who says dead men tell no tales? This guy talks up a storm! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

All democrats are targets now. Soon, only one party will be legal in this country and that will be Republicans. It’s the Nazi playbook coming to life! Be scared. They’re coming after all of us. www.usatoday.com/story/news/p...

Who says dead men tell no tales? Here’s George Washington unabashed and unedited. open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Reviews for “My Interview with George Washington”: “Seriously, this was your best yet. It reminded me of early Woody Allen and made me smile.” - LizM “Excellent piece on George. Two big thumbs up from me.” - Geoff Dale via email. “Great stuff Howie!” - Joe

Arrived yesterday from Woody. As you can see, it’s inscribed to me… in invisible ink. It says: “You give me a run for my money, you bastard. Love you bubbelah, Woody Allen.”

Dropped to #93 on Substack’s Rising in Humor chart, but the fact I’ve lasted three days in the top #100 blows my mind. I couldn’t achieve this success without you—my subscribers and followers—when there’s so many others writing inspiring and gut busting funny humor on Substack. Thank you!!

Dropped to #93 on Substack’s Rising in Humor chart, but the fact I’ve lasted three days in the top #100 blows my mind. I couldn’t achieve this success without you—my subscribers and followers—when there’s so many others writing inspiring and gut busting funny humor on Substack. Thank you!!

I blame Debbie Harry for all this rapture crap.

Arrived yesterday from Woody. As you can see, it’s inscribed to me… in invisible ink. It says: “You give me a run for my money, you bastard. Love you bubbelah, Woody Allen.”

When I was in schul today for Rosh Hashana, I asked the rabbi if I could blow his shofar. He said “He doesn’t have a driver” and then had me forcibly removed. #RoshHashanah2025

Reviews for “My Interview with George Washington”: “Seriously, this was your best yet. It reminded me of early Woody Allen and made me smile.” - LizM “Excellent piece on George. Two big thumbs up from me.” - Geoff Dale via email. “Great stuff Howie!” - Joe

#41 yesterday Rising in Humor on Substack. Thank you for keeping me in the 100! It means I’m doing something right!

Now, #41 Rising in Humor on Substack! Thank you!!!

Here’s my interview with George Washington. Please click link to enjoy and leave comments and likes directly on Substack. open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Now, #41 Rising in Humor on Substack! Thank you!!!

Here’s my interview with George Washington. Please click link to enjoy and leave comments and likes directly on Substack. open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

This says a few things: 1) he admits he’s a fascist 2) anyone who disagrees/protests his administration is labeled ANTIFA and will be jailed. 3) surviving WW2 soldiers who fought the Nazis are now considered terrorists 4) he needs to eat more Big Macs

At least it’s not 2020 when we had all that food and a toilet paper shortage! L’Shana Tova! May you be inscribed in the Book of Life or at least receive a text (data rates may apply) #RoshHashanah2025

The Jewish New Year will never be the same since Dick Clark. #RoshHashanah2025

Great news but let’s see what that ass heading the FCC will do now. www.nbcnews.com/business/med...

Here’s my entry for this week’s The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. Click on below image to view. ***If you have your own entry, do not leave it here. Please enter contest*** Thanks!! open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Happy Jewish New Year! I can’t believe it’s 5786 and I’m still writing 5785 on my checks! #RoshHashanah2025

I’m working on my Cartoon Caption Contest entry for this week’s New Yorker magazine. Hoping to have a winner ready first submission today.