Having to pay for perfume samples should have been the canary in the recession coal mine.

Election Day this year was a total Bluekkake.

The ability to change your view in the face of new information is among the most honest things a person can do.

The Epstein files ARE the distraction, you nerds!

The US has never been “great.” We’ve merely obtained the intermittent and patchy application of financial and military bloat.

Charlie Kirk: “It’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment”

The devastating blow to higher education is part of a wider plot to force our young adults into the military.

We got WW3 before GTA6.

It only took 5 years for companies to start advertising for Juneteenth sales. JFC

So I was wrong…because the “artillery” had the organization and enthusiasm of a kindergarten winter recital.

Jokes on you, if I die during the protests then I don’t have to pay my student loans anymore.

My tinfoil hat theory is that this isn’t all for a parade. It’s to move artillery into the city without significant resistance.

Is it just me or has pop music gotten reeeeeal churchy lately?

No one told me that becoming a grad student would involve such a dramatic identity shift.

I need to get Hello Kitty school supplies for grad school, because my flavor of midlife crisis has layers.

Education and fascism will never peacefully coexist.

You never grow up, you just change costumes.

Well shit, I’m a grad student now. GO PACK!

8647.

There is no hell quite like waiting for a grad school decision and receiving email notifications for spam.

Never accept criticism from someone who you wouldn’t go to for advice.

Laws that do not protect me, do not apply to me. #habeascorpus

Linda McMahon sent a letter to Harvard threatening to cut off their funding. Harvard responded by correcting the letter and posting it online. 💀💀💀

Actions speak louder than thoughts and prayers.

TikTok is working fine except that anything related to the Holocaust or RFK’s list of autistic Americans is having trouble playing after the first keyword. Strange.

I named my sourdough starter Toast Malone.

I wish I could get a job but I really can’t afford it. #murica

Buying Magic:The Gathering cards is just gambling with extra steps.

Note to self: Pre-watch 90s movies before sharing the nostalgia with your kids. Last night’s viewing of 1994’s “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” definitely didn’t age well.

I wouldn’t normally recommend Ayn Rand’s work, but a critical reading really hits different in today’s climate.

Only Trump could pronounce “Tesla” with a Hard R….

BURN IT ALL DOWN

Free school lunches were initially implemented by the DoD, because after WW1 we didn’t have enough nourished people for the military.

Stores that have membership programs requiring you to clip coupons in an app are a ridiculous pain in the ass. I’m already running a fucking errand.

If abortion is only granted in cases of rape, the number of men accused is about to skyrocket. I’d rather ruin 6 months of your life than 18 years of mine.

Being a self employed artists is just one long sidequest.

I’m going to use my fictional $8k stimulus to fund gender-affirming surgery on the aborted fetuses of undocumented immigrants and drag story time with that book about the two gay penguins.

Legend has it that Luigi’s hair is so powerful that it drains the life force of every hairline it encounters.

Student protests are very rarely on the wrong side of history.

Infinite egg glitch

If you believe that you’re going to be receiving an $8k stimulus check, I fully encourage you to spend it in advance. Put it on credit. Do it.

Today I used the Dark Web…to buy egg-laying hens. What a time to be alive.

In case it wasn’t clear, I love and support my undocumented, BIPOC, Muslim, Jewish and LGBTQ+ family. Call me a traitor if you want, I’m on the right side of history.

Just wait until they realize that viagra is gender-affirming care…

I stand with the trans community. Pass it along.

I don’t think Kelce is proposing tonight, y’all.

Instead of photos with fish, men on Tinder should post photos of themselves with carts of groceries.

With DEI being rescinded and undocumented immigrants being deported…I guess we won’t have any more unemployed White men, right? RIGHT?

Any retail company trying to sell me a membership, rewards program, or a million other offers isn’t getting a dime from me.

In our current political climate, we need to place one thing over all else: our health and safety. Strength and endurance are the priority. It’s going to be a hard fight.